Time To Choose
by Hoshi Ayaka
Summary: Gojyo struggles with his newly discovered feelings. Hakkai accepts his. Sanzo interferes. Choices need to be made. Rated M for yaoi smut, language, etc. Updated and COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...I can't help it if my imagination doesn't believe that...

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"Hakkai, LOOK OUT!"

I swung just in time knocking the demon back before he could touch Hakkai.

"Thanks Gojyo" Hakkai said giving me one of those easy smiles. His chi glowing on the ends of his fingertips, Hakkai brought down the last of the demons and slid to the ground panting. I raced to his side.

"You ok man?" I put my hand on his shoulder. Hakkai looked up, his eyes meeting mine. The smile was slow in coming.

"Yes, thanks for your concern" he replied. I sat down beside him pushing my arms out to lean back.

"You seem tired." Before Hakkai could answer, Sanzo had walked over to join us.

"You guys hurt?" Sanzo asked standing over us.

"Are you kidding?" I replied. "That was nothin!" I looked to Hakkai. His smile was still painted on his face. Something wasn't right. I could feel it. His breathing was just slowing. We'd only battled 25 maybe 30 demons. No big deal for the four of us. I wondered what was bothering him.

"Come on guys!" Goku yelled from the jeep, "I'm huuungry!" I sighed and jumped to my feet. "Let's go Hakkai." I stuck my arm out to give him a little support. Sanzo grunted and turned to walk to the jeep. Hakkai took my hand and I pulled him up. He slipped a little and fell into my chest. Surprised I looked down at him and felt my breath catch. There was blood on his shirt. His? Shit, I hoped not.

"Hakkai?" I studied his eyes.

"It's nothing Gojyo. I'll rest when we get to town tomorrow."

"Like hell you will! We're stopping now! Hey, Sanzo!"

Before I could say anything else Hakkai began to fall back. I caught him in my arms, "Well damn!" Sanzo ran over with the stupid monkey racing behind.

"What happened Gojyo?" Sanzo asked in that I-don't-want-you-to-know-but-I-really-DO-give-a-damn tone of his. I lifted Hakkai into my arms and started for the jeep. Sanzo and the monkey followed behind.

"I didn't see what happened ya damn monk." I sat Hakkai in the front seat. I could hear the hiss between Sanzo's teeth when he saw the blood.

"We stop here tonite." Sanzo commanded. "Goku, get the things out of the jeep. This place is as good as any. We'll start for town in the morning."

"You got it Sanzo!" Goku grabbed an armful from the jeep and started toward the trees. Sanzo was digging through the back looking for the first aid kit. I began unbuttoning Hakkai's shirt to see the damage. The shirt slipped down his shoulders and my heart fluttered a little. Damn, he could be bleeding to death and here I am getting excited over a little shoulder. I steeled myself against the feel of his skin on my fingertips and pulled his shirt all the way down. My heart lurched, only this time it was with fear. "Sanzo!" I yelled again.

"What is it?" he growled back raising his head from his search at the back of the jeep. I knew the second he saw the gash..."FUCK!"

"Kyoo-oo?" Hakaryu questioned.

"Don't worry Hakaryu, we'll take care of him." I answered back. The pain lashed through me like fire. Everything inside of me was screaming Hakkai's name.

The monkey was running back to us. "Gojyo, Gojyo, I set up a small bed for him. Bring him here!"

Again I lifted Hakkai into my arms, pressing him tighter to me than was probably necessary. His blood was smeared across the front of my shirt, running down the leg of my pants. I turned to follow Goku into the forest. He'd set up camp only a few yards in. I spotted the bed under a canopy of trees and went to lay him there. I kneeled down beside him looking at all the blood seeping from the wound in his side. It began under his arm and swept down his side. I never even heard Sanzo walk up.

"Get up you damn water sprite. Your tears aren't going to help him." I reached up and felt my wet cheeks. I didn't know when I'd started crying. I jumped up and started into the forest.

"Hey Gojyo..Gojyo, where are you going?" The monkey was yelling behind me. I just kept walking. I could hear Sanzo, "Let him go, Goku. He'll just be in my way here."

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The pain was like fire and ice simultaneously flowing through my body in waves. I was there, but I wasn't. Just when I thought I would be able to open my eyes, I would find myself drifting off into darkness. I could feel strong arms wrapped around my body pulling me close to a warm solid chest. I could smell blood, pine trees, sweat, _Gojyo_. I tried to grasp onto that thought. G_ojyo._ I could see his face in my mind so clearly. I focused on his red burning eyes. I told myself not to think about the pain, Gojyo was with me. Thinking, focusing, red hair, red eyes...burning...burning.

I felt him moving me. I tried to wake up. I just couldn't. My mind went black and I lost the feel, the red, the scent of Gojyo.

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A/N: This story (and there are many more chapters) is my first attempt at writing the Saiyuki boys. I apologize if the characters are a little off and I will strive to make them better as I go along. I started as a fan of the anime series and then moved on to reading the manga. That's why you will see phrases or words that are more often used in the anime. I like to switch between Gojyo's and Hakkai's POV. If this gets confusing I hope someone will let me know. Thanks in advance for reading. More to come...


	2. Chapter 2

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki! I DO however, like to write.

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I stumbled through the forest, walking blindly. I couldn't feel the tears, but I knew they were there. I couldn't bear the thought of losing Hakkai. I tried to focus more on my thoughts of Hakkai as a man rather than my fear of his death. When exactly did I begin to have these feelings for him? This...this overwhelming sense that he was my love. I stopped dead in my tracks and took a deep breath. Love? When did that ever come into play? Sha Gojyo...in _love?_ I laughed into the silence of the forest and fell to my knees. I was in love with Hakkai. I knew it all the way to my soul. It felt...right. I looked up to the sky, the sun shining down on me, my red hair glowing and growled my fear, anger, confusion up into the heavens.

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'Did you hear that Sanzo?" Goku looked up from the fire he was building, his eyes wide in surprise.

"It's just that damn water sprite," Sanzo growled between his teeth. "Is that fire ready yet?" He continued to mop up blood with Hakkai's ruined shirt.

"Sure is Sanzo!" Goku replied, proud of his handiwork. He walked over to where Sanzo was treating Hakkai's wound. "Is Hakkai going to be ok?" he whispered quietly.

"Dammit! Not you too." WHACK! Sanzo's paper fan disappeared just as fast as it had appeared. "Go make yourself useful and get some water you damn monkey." Goku ran off into the forest grinning. "If Sanzo could hit him with that stupid fan at a time like this, Hakkai _must_ be ok," he thought.

Sanzo gritted his teeth and continued to clean up Hakkai. "Why did I have to end up with these three idiots," he grumbled under his breath. He looked closer at Hakkai's wound trying to determine how deep it really was. He'd be fine. Nothing to worry about. "Just that damn Gojyo overreacting. When did he turn into such a pansy?" Sanzo snorted. Hakkai began to groan softly and flex his body.

"Gojyo?" His breath was just a whisper. His eyes fluttered open and focused on Sanzo. "Oh, Sanzo," he sighed and looked up at the trees. Goku came running back into the clearing, a large bucket of water in his arms.

"I got the water, Sanzo! There's a large stream running...HAKKAI!" Goku ran to the two men nearly splashing all the water onto the ground.

WHACK! "Stupid monkey, you almost spilled all the water."

Goku rubbed the back of his head "Sorry, Sanzo! Hakkai! How do you feel? That's a nasty cut you got there. I'm glad to see you're okay!"

Sanzo used the water to clean the last of the blood from Hakkai's body. Hakkai sucked in his breath as the cold water ran across his skin. "Where's Gojyo?" he asked quietly.

"He was really upset Hakkai! He took off into the forest and,"

"Goku!"

"Yeah, Sanzo..."

"Go put the rest of the water on the fire. Warm it up would ya!"

"Yeah, of course Sanzo." Goku hurried off with the water.

Sanzo helped Hakkai sit up on the makeshift bed. "Can you sit up alone for just a second while I wrap this bandage around you?" Hakkai nodded. Sanzo began firmly wrapping the clean, white bandage around Hakkai's torso. Hakkai just sat there, looking forward. He didn't utter a sound. Sanzo glanced up to look into his face.

"You'll be fine you know." He watched for some sort of reaction from Hakkai. Sanzo knew what he was thinking. It was that damn water sprite. Suddenly Hakkai looked down into Sanzo's eyes.

"What must he be thinking?" he whispered to Sanzo. Hakkai's green eyes had a horrible far-away, glassy look.

"You'd know better than I would," Sanzo responded gruffly looking away. He finished wrapping the bandage and tied it in a knot to hold it in place. He stood up and began walking away. Sanzo stopped in midstep and turned to face Hakkai again. "Just tell him and put us all out of our misery." Hakkai's eyes flared bright green and the shock on his face showed quite plainly. He nodded and Sanzo walked to the fire to join Goku.

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I lay back gently onto the bed that had been prepared for me. My side was on fire. Worse, my heart was aching. It shouldn't have shocked me that Sanzo knew how I felt. He saw more than he ever let on. Still, to have it acknowledged out loud was surprising. The fear that had been in Goku's voice made me sad. Gojyo didn't need to be worried. I had been through worse. This was just a scratch in comparison.

"Kyoo-kyoo." Hakaryu landed on the ground beside my head. "Well hello," I whispered gently to him. It was good to see Hakaryu. I wanted to reach out and rub his head. Hakaryu must have seen it in my eyes. He leaned down and rubbed his head gently against mine. I laughed a little. "I'm fine Hakaryu. I'll be ready to go in the morning." "Kyoo." He curled up next to me and the feel of his little body against mine put me in better spirits. I would talk to Gojyo tonite. Things could not remain this way. He would either turn me away or...or he would have me. I would be prepared either way.

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A/N: Thanks for reading. More to come...


	3. Chapter 3

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki! I DO love Kazuya Minekura!

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I wandered slowly back to camp. I'd walked farther into the forest than I'd intended. It didn't matter anway. I needed the time to get my thoughts in order. I was still scared of what I was feeling. I groaned softly to myself thinking of Sanzo and Goku. I'd never hear the end of it from Goku. Sanzo would just look at me like I was some sort of idiot. I kicked at a branch lying on the ground and lit up another cigarette. Screw 'em all I thought but then I knew I didn't really mean it. I could hear Goku up ahead. It meant I was close to camp. I stopped and took a heavy drag on my cigarette. I still didn't know what I really thought, let alone what I was gonna do. I exhaled and walked on. "Let's see the damage first."

Goku was sitting by the fire shoveling food into his greedy mouth. No big surprise there. Sanzo sat on a hollow log a little farther away reading some sort of book. Not surprising either. I tried to avoid looking toward Hakkai. I was still nervous about what I'd find there. It didn't occur to me that everything must be fine if the other two were up to the usual. I stood there, on the edge of camp, feeling a little lost. Damn. I _have_ to knock this crap off. "Gojyo!" I groaned quietly. Here we go.

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"Hey man! Where'd ya go? You hungry?" Goku held a plate out toward me. I walked toward him and smacked him on the back of his head.

"Since when did _you_ start sharin' any food?" I grabbed the plate from his hands and sat next to him on the ground.

"Hey! What did ya do that for," he whined in that horrible monkey voice. It always got 2 octaves higher when he started to argue with me. Good. Just what I needed to take my mind off things.

"What do you mean ya stupid monkey? You're the one who offered me the damn food."

"You hit me you damn water sprite. What did I do to you?"

"Nothin. I just felt like hittin' ya!"

"You bastard! I was just trying to be nice!"

_WHACK...WHACK!_

"Sanzo! What did you do that for?" the monkey yelped. That damn monk could be so quick sometimes. "Just shutup," Sanzo told him. He moved back to the log he'd been sitting on, a fresh cup of tea in his hands. A slight movement to my left caught my eye. I slowly turned my head to see Hakkai laying in his bed watching me. Our eyes met and I stood up quickly, overturning the plate that had been sitting in my lap.

Goku groaned loudly, "Look what you did stupid! What a waste of good food!"

"Yeah, yeah," I waved him away. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears. I was afraid everyone could hear it. I hated having this reaction to Hakkai. I walked to the small teapot, my back turned to the group. I tried to steady my heartbeat and told myself to take a deep breath. I poured a small cup and carefully turned around. Hakkai was still watching me. Another deep breath and I was walking toward the bed, toward Hakkai.

I knelt down slowly beside him. "That damn monk take okay care of you?" I asked him quietly. He smiled up at me and I tried to still the flip flop of my stomach. I held the tea out to him. "You need a drink?" He nodded his head quickly and I set the little cup down beside the bed. I willed my heart to stop racing as I reached out to help him sit up. The skin of his back was so warm against my arm. His arm went out around my neck to steady himself. I flinched a little. I felt like crying. Hakkai smiled at me again.

"Gojyo, I'm ok." I moved back a little. There was so much meaning behind those words. I could tell he felt my nervousness. I just didn't know if he realized I was nervous to be so near to him or if he thought I was just worried about the wound.

I nodded my head at him, "Good." Sitting on the side of his makeshift bed, I reached down to pick up his tea. I looked at the bandage as I handed him the small cup. I just couldn't look into his eyes again. I was afraid I would kiss him. I needed him so badly. The need tore at my brain, at my heart. I wanted to know what it would feel like to have his lips against mine. Would they be soft? Hard? What does Hakkai taste like? My mouth went dry and I cleared my throat. I realized it was very quiet. I awoke from my thoughts and saw Sanzo quietly peering over his book. That bastard was only pretending to read. Goku was still inhaling food but he was staring at Hakkai and me like he was watching some sort of soap opera. I groaned out loud.

"What's wrong Gojyo?" I looked back at Hakkai and that damn flip flop of my stomach started again. What the hell? I growled in my head. I wanted to _stop_ feeling like this.

"Those two idiots are watching us like we're the evening's entertainment," I told him. "They _need_ to mind their_ own _business_._" I growled a little louder. Goku snorted a laugh. "Ch," was Sanzo's response. At least he went back to reading. Hakkai laughed a little. "Really Gojyo, what has you so worked up? I told you I was fine." He kept smiling. I was glad he was smiling. I took it to mean he really was ok.

I was suddenly feeling angry again. "What was going on back there Hakkai? There were only a few demons. We should have been able to handle them!" The anger felt better than having my stomach tied up in knots. The smile slipped from Hakkai's face. I shoved my hair out of my eyes. "Dammit! Hakkai, I'm sorry." I looked down again and the hair just fell right back where it was. Just let it stay there. It was better that he not see into my eyes anyway. Hakkai reached out and gently laid his hand on my thigh. It created a small spark inside me, shocked the hell out of me. I tried not to move. I couldn't look.

"No, _I'm_ sorry Gojyo. I wasn't focused on the fight. I had other things on my mind. I took my fighting skills for granted. It won't happen again."

I still didn't move. I wondered what _other things_ he had on his mind. Hakkai cleared his throat and moved his hand away. I felt empty. I'd hoped if I didn't move, he would have left his hand there. I didn't want him to know I'd realized he'd placed it there. I stood up, still looking away. "Can I get you something to eat?" I turned slightly to look at him out of the corner of my eye. He remained sitting. "That would be nice," he responded. I turned and walked away from him to find some food that would help him regain his strength. I was afraid he'd really need it.

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A/N: Thanks for making it this far. I'll have more chapters up soon...


	4. Chapter 4

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki. I only own my imagination

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There was no way I was getting to sleep anytime soon. The camp was quiet except for the crackling of the campfire and a couple of crickets chirping somewhere in the trees. I lay on my back staring at the tops of the trees while taking deep drags on my cigarette. The smoke felt so smooth filling my lungs. It was a comfort to me since I couldn't seem to keep my mind from racing. I tried not to think about Hakkai but the more I tried to stop, the more thoughts of him filled my head. I remembered the way he looked as he sat this evening slowly sipping his tea. I watched him from across the campfire afraid to get too close to him. He looked so tired, but he still smiled at Goku's attempts at cheerful chatter. His long fingers seemed to caress his cup as he lifted it slowly to take small sips. I could have sworn he watched me from the corner of his eye as I watched him, but I knew it was really wishful thinking on my part.

I closed my eyes and imagined Hakkai lying next to me. My blood instantly began pounding through my veins. My eyes flew open and I groaned in frustration. I sat up and put my cigarette out in the dirt. Damn. I stood up and walked off into the forest leaving my shirt and shoes behind. I headed toward the sound of the large stream running near camp. I wondered if cold water would really help to cool the flames that were burning in my body. I wanted to get myself under control. Sanzo would kill me if I started acting like some lovesick puppy and Hakkai...damn I didn't want to think about Hakkai. I'd walked to the stream without even realizing I'd made it there. I leaned against a tree and lit another cigarette. I inhaled deeply and held the smoke in my lungs an extra moment. I almost had to remind myself to exhale. I watched the water run by as I enjoyed my smoke and wondered what it would feel like to just lay in that stream and let the water run over me. I lay my head back and closed my eyes. It sounded like a good idea to me.

"Gojyo?"

I must have jumped about a foot. That was the last voice I expected to hear out here. I really didn't want to open my eyes. Please, let him go away. I just didn't know that I could handle being alone with him. I slowly opened my eyes and there was Hakkai standing entirely too close.

"I'm sorry Gojyo. I didn't mean to alarm you."

"No problem Hakkai. I didn't think anyone else was awake."

"I heard you get up and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

There was a silence as I inhaled from my cigarette then tossed it to the ground. I was trying to strengthen myself against the pull of Hakkai. I lay my head back against the tree again and decided to say nothing. Silence wasn't necessarily bad. It had alway been comfortable with Hakkai, but then, that was before.

"Gojyo, is there something bothering you. Something you need to talk about?" Hakkai's voice was so quiet. He wasn't even smiling. Now I was really bothered. I wondered if he knew something, if he was pissed?

"Shouldn't you be laying down Hakkai?" I was hoping he'd just leave. Maybe if I ignored his question he'd just go. I didn't want to be rude but he seemed to be slowly getting closer to me. I needed to get away.

"It's not as bad as it looks," he told me. "I was tired of just laying there. I felt bad that everyone had to sleep out here because of me. We could have been closer to town tonite."

I took a step away from the tree as I answered him, "If you don't take a little time to heal, you may hurt yourself worse."

Damn I really needed to get away from him. He was close enough now that I could reach out and touch him. If I could reach him, then I could pull him into my arms. I shuddered and took a few steps toward the stream. There was a light breeze and I could smell Hakkai as it blew across my skin. I tried to think of the cold water just a few steps ahead. He was behind me now so I wouldn't have to look at him. His face was incredible. I couldn't invision anything more perfect. My damn heart was going to explode right in my chest if I didn't get this shit figured out. I'd never make it all the way to the West if I didn't. I suddenly felt Hakkai's hand in the middle of my back and I froze.

"Gojyo..." Hakkai's voice was barely a whisper. I tried not to breathe so I could hear him. "I...Gojyo, I am very much in love with you."

I didn't have to try any longer. My breath had finally stopped. I stood there so afraid to move, wanting to walk away, wanting to turn and yank him into my arms. I must have taken too long trying to make up my mind. Hakkai's hand dropped from my back and I could feel him step back.

"Gojyo-"

I turned so quickly he didn't have time to finish whatever it was he was going to say. I went to reach for him but the sight of the bandaging stopped me. My breath was racing. Our eyes locked and I hoped he could see everything in my eyes.

"Hakkai, I..." I didn't know what to say. To say I loved him was too much for me. I turned around again and took the few steps to the stream. I walked to the middle and let the water rush over my feet. Hakkai was only a step behind me.

"I won't let you walk away from this," he whispered harshly at me. His arms shot out and were around me in a heartbeat. From behind Hakkai rested his head on my shoulder, his hands high on my chest. I was frozen once again. I could feel his ragged breathing. My skin burned everywhere that his was touching mine. I couldn't take it. I turned around in his arms and looked directly in his eyes. The heat that flared there was so intense I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it. I closed my eyes and my lips were on his in a second. The flame that curled itself in my stomach was excrutiating. His lips were like silk and fire, soft, sweet, strong. My hands went to his hips to pull him close. I tried to fight the haze clouding my mind to think about his wound but it just didn't matter. I had Hakkai in my arms and his mouth opening for mine. His tongue met mine slowly and when he invaded my mouth I was afraid I would die. I drank in Hakkai and swore I would never be without him again.

I pulled away roughly and drew in deep breaths. I felt like I was drowning and couldn't get enough air. I groaned out loud and jerked Hakkai back into my arms. I held him as close as I could without hurting him. If we kissed again like that I would have him on the ground and that couldn't be good for an injured man. We held each other letting the cold stream rush over our feet until our ragged breathing slowed.

"Hakkai, I can't kiss you like that again until you're fully healed."

Hakkai laughed quietly, "Well then Gojyo, I will just have to heal quickly." He smiled one of his real, true, deep smiles and I felt a dumb smile creep onto my face. I leaned down a little and gave him one last lingering kiss. I could feel my pulse begin to pound again so I dropped my arms from around him and stepped back.

"Let's get you back into your bed then, I don't think I can wait much longer to get you into mine!" I laughed out loud. I felt a happy relief.

"Well, now that that's done..." Hakkai smiled up at me. As we walked back into camp, no words were really necessary.

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A/N: Thanks for making it this far. There are more chapters to come. Hope it's getting better as I go.


	5. Chapter 5

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...but I heart Gojyo, and Hakkai, and Sanzo...alright, Goku too.

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I sat in the back of the Jeep, Goku by my side as I tried _not _to reach my hand out and run my fingers through Hakkai's hair in front of me. Every once in awhile Hakkai would look into his mirror and I could see the smile in his eyes. It was full of excitement. I understood. We were only about 10 minutes away from the next town. I felt like jumping from the Jeep and running all the way there. My legs occassionally bounced with _my _barely contained excitement as well.

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I thought of the morning after Hakkai had confessed his love for me. I'd thought I would never get to sleep, but somehow I had. It was a good sleep, deep and dreamless. Goku ran around the camp throwing things together. Everyone was anxious to get on the road. A hot meal and soft beds were waiting for us only a day and a half away. It was the bed that had me anxious to be on the road. I looked up from my thoughts as I exhaled from my cigarette.

Hakkai was standing next to his makeshift bed. He was trying to put his shirt on carefully without disturbing his wound or bandage. It would be almost impossible. I could see the strain on his face as he stretched his hurt side. I tossed my cigarette to the ground and sauntered over to him.

"You need a little help with that 'Kai?" I gave him one of my flirty grins. He looked a little surprised as I brushed his fingers away from his shirt. My heart was already racing at the thought of touching him. I held out his shirt as he pushed his first arm through. He turned a little and managed to get his other arm through the next sleeve. I stepped closer to him, and looked down into his face. His eyes glimmered with humor as I gently brushed my fingers over his shoulder. I carressed him wherever I could without causing suspicion to the others as I wrapped the shirt around his front and buttoned it at the shoulder. Damn I was glad I was facing away from Sanzo and Goku. It would be pretty obvious I was "up" to something if they could see me.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai's voice cracked, bordered on laughter. I realized I was just standing there, staring down at him with a lecherous grin. The monkey ran past us with his arms full of the last load for the Jeep. I stepped back a little from Hakkai and laughed at myself.

"Sorry," I mouthed to him, winked, and turned around quickly clasping my hands behind my head. "I can't _wait_ to get to town," I said making sure I was loud enough that he could hear me. "Ch," was Sanzo's response from somewhere close by. Stupid monk. Hakkai laughed aloud. I could practically feel his eyes on my back as I walked off toward Goku and the Jeep.

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I tapped another smoke out of my pack as we drew closer to town. Thank god we were almost there. I was on my next to last cigarette. I don't know what I would have done if I would have run out while I was waiting to get Hakkai into my bed for the first time. Damn but I wanted him so badly. I'd been waiting _years._ I was getting hard just thinking about it. _Shit._

We were just driving into the outskirts of town when Goku began asking about food. Of course that would be the first thing that stupid monkey would be worried about.

"We're going to get food first, right Sanzo?"

"I think it may be best to find a place for the night, don't you think?" Hakkai asked.

"But Hakkai, I'm _starving!_"

"Maybe we can find an inn with a nice restaraunt inside."

"Yah you stupid monkey. Don't you think Hakkai needs to get some rest?" I chimed in. I really wanted to get to that inn.

"Hakkai! I'm so sorry. Let's find an inn for you first. Does your wound hurt?" Goku asked. The monkey actually sounded guilty.

"I'll be ok Goku. We'll only stop at an inn where you can eat."

"Yeeesss!" Goku grinned with glee and rubbed his hands together. I wanted to kill that damn monkey, Hakkai too for making me wait longer. My eyes caught Sanzo's in the rearview mirror and I quickly looked away. I felt a little sick with panic. I wondered what he had seen on my face. I could tell he had been watching me. I had to learn to keep my feelings under control. I really didn't want Sanzo finding out about Hakkai and me just yet. I wasn't ready for that. I still had to get used to it all myself.

We were pulling up in front of an inn as I finished off the last of my cigarette. I jumped out the back of the jeep. "I'll run in real quick and check it out." I tossed my cigarette to the ground and hurried in. There was a restaurant in the next room to the right so I went to the front desk and asked for rooms. I went back out to where the group was waiting and nodded.

"Alright!!" was Goku's response. Sanzo just slipped out of the front seat and began heading in. Hakkai's response was the best. A slow, easy smile lit up his face. I could see the anticipation written in his eyes. I could barely contain the grin that eased to my lips. Hakkai kept right on smiling as he walked past me. I turned to follow as he went with Goku into the restaurant to get a table. Sanzo would follow us after he arranged and paid for the rooms. Only a few hours until night fall.

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I knew I was being more annoying than usual. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself distracted from thoughts of what would happen that night. Goku was a good outlet for my excitment. It was just too easy to bait him. Just call him monkey or steal a bit of food off his plate and he was lost. I chuckled to myself as I popped the last piece of dumpling into my mouth. Leaning my chair back on two legs, I looked around the table as I lit up a cigarette. Damn, it was the last one too. I'd need to go out after dinner to get more. I looked over at Goku. The damn monkey was still shoveling food into his mouth. I wondered where he put it all. I looked at Hakkai from the corner of my eye as I inhaled smoothly from my cigarette. He was feeding small pieces of chicken to Hakaryu who was sitting on his shoulder. Watching his long, lean fingers made my mouth water. What I wouldn't give to be that damn dragon.

Sanzo's slight movement caught my eye. How easy it was to forget there were other people around when I was looking at Hakkai. Sanzo ground out his cigarette in the small ash tray as my eyes found his. I wanted so badly to look away but I didn't. The look in Sanzo's eyes made my stomach flip-flop. Was it disgust, anger maybe? I wasn't sure. Whatever it was, it made me nervous and I didn't like it. Sanzo stood up slowly scraping the legs of his chair against the floor. "I'm going to my room," he said flicking the chair under the table quickly. He stood there for a moment looking straight at me. I shot him my best "wanna fuck?" grin and he turned quickly with only a muttered curse in response.

"Gojyo, are you _trying_ to make Sanzo angry?" Hakkai smiled at me from across the table. I could see he really wanted to laugh. I gave _him_ my best "wanna fuck?" grin in response. This time he did laugh.

"Later," he said in low voice that made me get hard instantly. Damn, that's what I get for bringing it up. Hakkai spoke to Goku, his eyes still on mine

"You ready to do some shopping Goku?" The two of them always made the trip for supplies together.

"Mind if I tag along?" I asked, getting up from the table. Goku's sudden stillness surprised me. I broke eye contact with Hakkai and looked at him. Goku stared up at me, shock in his eyes and I realized what had bothered him.

"What?" I said in defense "I'm outta cigarettes and I want to make sure I get the right kind this time!" I could see Hakkai trying not to laugh again. I put out my cigarette and threw my arm around Goku's neck yanking him up. "Aww come on you stupid monkey, I just want my cigarettes and I don't want to wait!" I sauntered toward the door pulling Goku with me.

Once outside I released him and wished I had another cigarette to light up. Anything to keep my hands busy and away from Hakkai. I leaned against the wall and put a foot up, waiting for Hakkai to finish paying the bill and meet us outside. Goku just looked at me. I could tell he wanted to talk, to ask me questions and I didn't want him to. Damn I really needed another cigarette! Hakkai came walking through the doorway just in time. The lowering sun glinted off his monocle and made his dark hair shine. For the first time I could understand that stupid monkey always calling Sanzo his sun. I was struck speechless as Hakkai stood there in the door way pushing his hand down into the pocket of his khakis. I needed this man more than anything I'd ever needed in my life. It was a feeling that bothered me a little. I pushed it away and down into myself. I didn't want to think too deeply about these things yet. I just wanted him in my bed. Now.

Hakkai smiled at me as he stepped out of the doorway. "Shall we go Goku?" he asked looking over toward the monkey.

"Yeah! Let's go!" Goku answered with excitement in his voice. He was like a little kid who'd had to sit still for too long. He bounced along beside Hakkai with Hakaryu flying in little circles overhead. I followed behind at a small distance, not wanting to interfere with their plans but still close enough to hear everything they were saying. They went from booth to booth only picking up the necessary items. Every once in awhile Goku would beg for some piece of fruit or a meatbun that looked especially enticing and Hakkai would by it for him with no hesitation. I stopped and bought a couple of boxes of cigarettes and immediately whipped one out. The first puff calmed my nerves and helped me relax. It was easier to follow behind and watch Hakkai while I smoked. A couple of young kids stopped us at the next to last booth wanting to know if they could see Hakaryu. The sun was almost gone and I could see some of the vendors putting away their wares. Hakkai, good guy that he is, called Hakaryu down and held him as the little kids petted and chatted with him. I just stood and watched, smoking my cigarette. The kids thanked him and ran off giggling.

Hakkai stood up and straightened his shirt. He turned and spotted me. I think he'd forgotten I'd been following behind. The surprise in his eyes made me smile. He smiled back slowly. He seemed a little embarrassed. I cleared my throat and walked the short distance to him. "Have everything we need?" I asked.

"I think so," he answered as he began to reach down to pick his bags up off the ground.

"I got 'em," I said and scooped them up quickly. Goku came running over with his last meatbun in his hands.

"We heading home?"

Hakkai nodded to him. "It's getting late and Sanzo may be wondering where we are."

"Sanzo, worried!?" I snorted. "He's probably glad we're gone."

"Yeah!" Goku laughed. "I'm glad I'm not the one roomin' with him tonite. He's been in such a bad mood lately."

I froze in midstep almost dropping the supplies. "Whaddya mean ya stupid monkey?"

"We only have two rooms you pervy water sprite! You know Hakkai always rooms with him. I feel sorry for Hakkai!"

I looked to Hakkai for confirmation. I could see he was surprised too. I wondered if this was some sort of joke. Well damn again! How the hell would we get around this. I'd never really given it much thought, but Goku was right. Sanzo and Hakkai usually did room together. I'd have to figure out some way around it without arousing Sanzo's suspicions. I just wasn't comfortable with him knowing what was going on between Hakkai and me. I sighed and continued walking. Hakkai stayed in step beside me as we walked quietly back to the inn.

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A/N: Thanks for reading. More to come...


	6. Chapter 6

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...I'm just a girl with an imagination.

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I sat down on the side of my bed in the room I was sharing with Sanzo. I could hear him in the shower. I knew he wouldn't be much longer. I pushed my hands through my hair and rested my elbows on my knees. Looking down at my shoes I wondered what I would say to Sanzo. He wasn't stupid. I knew that he knew what was going on. I wanted to be honest with him, but I just didn't feel like sharing this with anyone yet. Gojyo and I had been friends for over 3 years now. It had taken us this long to admit to feeling more, well at least on my part, and I didn't want to screw this up now. Things would be touchy with Gojyo. I knew he had some things to work out with himself before he could fully accept what was there between us. Having Sanzo thrown into the middle of it all wouldn't help things. The worst part, there was still so much that Gojyo didn't know.

I could hear Sanzo turn the water off in the bathroom. I looked up. Any minute now he would come through that door. What ever happens would happen I reasoned in my mind. I held my breath as the bathroom door swung open. Sanzo stepped into the room, only a towel wrapped around his waist. My breath caught. Regardless of what I felt for Gojyo, Sanzo was still an incredibly beautiful man. A small drop of water fell from Sanzo's hair and slowly rolled down his chest, over his well muscled stomach, and down under the towel that hung low on his hips. My mouth ached to kiss him where it had disappeared. I could feel Sanzo watching me watch that drop of water trace his body. I looked up slowly into his face and I could see a touch of sorrow there. There was a moment of silence before Sanzo cleared his throat.

"So this is it Hakkai?"

My mouth felt so dry, I really didn't want to answer that. I had found solace in his arms and without telling him how I felt about Gojyo, he had known what my heart had ached for. He'd given so much to me and in a small way I loved him too. It just wasn't the all-consuming, powerful _need_ I had for Gojyo. I had much respect for this man and I didn't want to hurt him.

"I knew...all along I knew," he spoke in a low voice. "Did you really think I didn't know it was Gojyo you wanted in your arms instead of me? That you would imagine it was _his_ hair you were feeling between your fingers, his body beneath your fingertips? I knew, Hakkai and I didn't care."

How was I suppose to respond to something like that? It must have hurt him to know and still let me take him. Sanzo did _not_ give himself lightly. He walked over to the nightstand beside his bed and flicked a cigarette from the pack laying there. His movements were always like that, sharp, quick, fluid. It always made my stomach knot a little. I wanted him but I loved Gojyo. He lit his cigarette and went to stand against the door, effectively blocking me from leaving the room and the conversation if I felt so inclined.

"If you knew Sanzo, then you knew that eventually this would come." I hoped he would understand what I was trying to say.

"I expected it and I'm not angry if that's what you're worried about." He took a deep drag and held the smoke inside for a moment. His hand holding the cigarette dropped to his side as he exhaled slowly. I watched his chest move, watched the smoke pass his lips. I'd never really seen him more beautiful than in that moment. I stood up quickly. The bed squeaked on it's springs behind me and I hesitated. Sanzo was there in a moment. He so clearly had read my thoughts and didn't give me any time to change my mind. His lips were on mine before I could get my breath out. I could taste the smoke and Sanzo. It made my pulse race. My hands immediately grasped his hair and I pulled his head back to taste his mouth more fully. I had explored it so many times before but this time, I knew it would be the last. My tongue stroked his velvet tongue and I pulled him tighter to me. I could feel his body melting into mine and I knew that if I didn't end this right now, I would never be able to end it. I released his hair slowly, my hands skimming down his sides to his waist. My stomach tightened as I kept myself from running my hands over the muscles of his abdomen. I pulled my mouth from his bringing it back one last time to kiss him softly, quickly. I stepped back and the only noise in the room was the sound of our ragged breathing.

I stood there trying to regain control over myself and just looked at him. Incredible, just incredible! Could I really let him go? Gojyo's face drifted into my mind and I knew I'd have to.

"I'm sorry Sanzo..." I let my apology trail off. I really wasn't sorry.

"Hakkai, just do what you want."

"Sanzo, I...I need him. He's been everything to me since he saved me that night."

"Hakkai, I said I'm not angry."

"Regardless, I still don't want to hurt you. You've been there for me when I really needed someone. You never asked for more than I could give. I-"

"Hakkai, this is over. There's nothing left to say. It was good. It's over."

We stood there looking at each other. I hated it. Hated what I was feeling. Sanzo turned quickly and found his jeans. He pulled them up and tossed his towel to the side. He reached into his bag to grab the usual tight, black undershirt when I heard a commotion in the hall. Sanzo looked up at me, humor in his eyes. "Sounds like your water sprite has found a way to switch rooms after all." He sighed and took his shirt out of the bag. He pulled it on swiftly and grabbed a book. I just stood there and watched him knowing my time with him would be over in seconds. The noise in the hall was almost right outside our door. He slid his glasses on and his book snapped into place. The door handle to our room began to move, more fighting could be heard, and just before the door opened Sanzo looked over the top of his book and said, "I understand, because I want him too." My heart slammed against my chest. Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, in the world could have suprised me more. I didn't even get a chance to respond to what Sanzo had just told me, let alone process the information when the door slammed open in a fury of red hair and flailing fists.

It took less than a second for Sanzo's gun to appear and a shot to be fired into the air. I stood there in a daze. What the hell was going on? Sanzo and...Gojyo? My mind was reeling. The silence was deafening. I tore my eyes away from Sanzo and looked at Goku and Gojyo. Sanzo started before I could say anything.

"I am _not_ putting up with this shit tonight. The damn monkey is sleeping in here. Hakkai, take that perverted water sprite back to his room and stay there with him. I don't want to hear another thing from _anyone_ until the morning...not even for an emergency."

I knew he could see the shock in my eyes. Goku stood there with a happy smile on his face. And did Gojyo really believe he was hiding anything with that victory grin smeared across his?

"Thanks Sanzo! I couldn't stand another minute with that cockroach!" Goku growled. Gojyo didn't even respond to the dig. God, he was so obvious with that shit eating grin. I turned slowly and picked up my bag.

"Well then...Good night Sanzo," I sort of half whispered. I could tell he heard me. The book wavered slightly and I knew. And with that, I walked out the door, Gojyo followed behind.

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A/N: I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I feel like things are starting to get exciting...how about you? More to come.


	7. Chapter 7

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...but Saiyuki owns me.

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Gojyo shut the door quietly behind us. The click woke me from the thoughts that had been drumming through my mind. I heard him chuckle as he brushed past me, walking toward the small table in what was now our room. He grabbed a cigarette out of his pack on the table and brought it to his lips. After fumbling around for a lighter he looked up at me chuckling again. All I could do was stand there. The whole situation was unreal. I was finally with Gojyo, alone, just as I had wished for all along but down the hall Sanzo had made my world spin.

"What, no thank you?" Gojyo laughed. I was willing myself to smile, to answer something back to him. What I really wanted was to be by myself to think about Sanzo. Had he been giving me a warning? Was it said just to hurt me? I wasn't sure.

"Hakkai?" Gojyo's voice had a note of worry to it. It was enough to bring me back.

"I'm sorry Gojyo, I'm just...surprised. No, not surprised. I'm amazed." I tried to sound apologetic.

"Why, did something happen?" Now I was sure he was worried.

"No Gojyo," I laughed. "I can't believe I'm really here with you. I didn't think it would happen." I smiled as I saw the relief light up his face.

I pulled a chair back from the table and sat down, backing away from Gojyo. I just wanted to look at him. He remained leaning against the table smoking his cigarette. His hair was so red in the candlelight. The light cast shadows along his lean arms that flexed slightly each time he raised his hand to smoke or push his hair out of his eyes. His arms intrigued me, made me feel like liquid. I realized I was lost in thought again. I looked into Gojyo's face and saw that he was watching me. He did that often. I don't think he even realized how much he watched me. It was one of the reasons I was sure I could finally tell him I was in love with him. He watched me as if he was afraid I would disappear.

"Well, I thought fighting with the monkey would be the quickest way to get you in here." He looked so damn smug. He was always looking for some sort of praise. Always wanting me to be proud of him.

"I knew you would figure something out Gojyo, you always do." I stood up slowly and eased the chair to the side. Gojyo was practically preening over the praise. He had no clue I was coming for him. I looked him in the eye and he realized the moment had come. I could see a little fear flash in his eyes. I took my time walking to him. He watched me closely with his cigarette pressed between his lips. His eyes were glowing a deep red. When I reached him, I stopped right in front of him giving him time to move away if he wanted. It was his last chance. There would be no stopping or turning back once I reached out and touched him.

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Hakkai stood before me, the look in his eyes telling me I needed to make up my mind now. He wouldn't wait any longer. I felt like I was drowning.

"Take off your shirt Gojyo."

God, this was it. I knew it. He was giving me a chance to say no. I reached up and took the cigarette from between my lips. I felt behind me and put it out in the ashtray. My eyes never left Hakkai's as I put my hands on the bottom of my shirt and pulled it up and off. I looked at Hakkai, my eyes willing him to touch me. I wanted him to make that first move. I wasn't sure I could. My breathing was quickening. I wanted his hands on me, didn't know how to ask.

Hakkai raised his hand and reached out toward me. His hand burned me like an iron when he placed it on my stomach. He ran his hand over the muscles so softly I almost didn't believe he was touching me. His thumb dipped below the waist of my pants and I thought I would lose it. I was reaching out for him, grabbing him by his hips, pulling him tight against my body. My lips slammed down on his with more force than I'd meant. Our lips ground together and Hakkai's tongue shot out to lick at my bottom lip. Open to me he was saying wordlessly. I was groaning out loud. My hands moved to shift through his hair as I opened my mouth to him. He tasted incredible, spicy, distinctly Hakkai. It was even better than I could have ever imagined. His tongue was strong, tangling with mine. He invaded my mouth, kissed me like he was dying. My heart was racing, slamming against my chest.

I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I wanted so bad to crawl inside him. I couldn't get close enough. My hips were grinding into him, pushing, pleading to be with him. Hakkai's arms were wrapped around me. His hands were grasping me, clawing down my back. I pulled my hands from his hair and yanked his shirt from his pants. I couldn't stand the separation as he jerked his shirt away from me and frantically pulled it off. His body slammed back against me as his mouth met mine again. Our chests were pressed together so tightly I could feel his heart beating. Hakkai's hands were at my jeans, pulling at the buttons, wrenching them apart. I felt the muscles of his back with my hands. Every inch of him was lean and tight. He felt like satin beneath my fingertips.

My pants slid down my hips and my cock sprang free of it's prison. It felt so damn good. Hakkai's hand was around me instantly. I moaned into his mouth. I could hardly believe it was Hakkai's hand wrapped around my length. It was his fingers stroking gently. He explored every inch of me ending at the head. I thought I was going to lose it. I pulled away sharply. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I finshed right there. I didn't want this to be over yet. I put my hand over my chest and felt my heart and my breathing racing hard.

"Gojyo?" His voice sounded torn. I tried to breathe normally just so I could speak to him. I stood there, bent over a little, trying just to _breathe._ Hakkai reached up and removed his monocle. He sat it carefully on the table. When my eyes met his he grinned. Damn he had magical eyes.

"Take your pants of Hakkai. Now." His grin grew into more of a sly smile. With deft movements he had his pants unbuttoned and on the floor. I drew in a sharp breath. _Damn._

He walked back to me and pulled me up and into his arms. He brushed my hair gently from my eyes and kissed me. His fingers explored my shoulders. His cock rubbed against mine so insistently I thought I would scream. Hakkai pushed me slowly back onto the bed. His mouth never left mine. He came down beside me stroking my arms, my sides and all the while he kissed me hard, drawing what little breath I had into his own body. His kisses left my mouth to meet my chin and trail down my neck. His warm mouth on my collar bone made me press my cock harder into his. I could hear him chuckle quietly and I wondered how in the hell he could stay so aware while this was going on. I just kept losing myself.

Hakkai's tongue darted out to flick at one of my nipples and I groaned loudly. I knew the people next door would hear us before the night was through. Hakkai licked and placed gentle kisses all down my stomach. I knew where he was headed and I held my breath. It felt like an eternity while his mouth left my body and stayed hovering over my cock that lay so stiffly on my belly. I strained to keep my hips in place. When his mouth fluttered on the head of my dick I couldn't resist reaching out for his hair.

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When his hand darted out for my head and I heard my name groaned out from between his lips I finally lost it. I had held some measure of control the entire time I was trying to make Gojyo lose his. I didn't want him to have time to think about the fact that he was doing these things with a man. I just wanted him to feel good. The sound of my name just made me lose it. My mouth was filled with his cock. Up and down I moved, sucking and licking, taking as much of him as I could. He tasted like clove and fire. His hands yanked at my hair helping me to move up and down. I could feel him getting close. I didn't want him to come just yet. I wanted to reserve that for when I was inside of him.

I pulled away and Gojyo groaned my name again. It sounded so damn good coming from him. Hakkai. It made my blood race. Gojyo was saying _my _name. I stretched out on top of his body and enjoyed warm skin against skin. I pressed my fingers against his mouth, urging him to take them in. His tongue flicked out and gently caressed the tips of my fingers. I moaned this time and I felt his muscles quiver. He sucked my fingers into his mouth and played with them the same way I'd sucked his cock just seconds ago. I pulled my fingers away and reached down between our bodies. My middle finger entered him and his breath hissed between clenched teeth. I moved my finger slowly willing his body to accept me. He was practically panting. I gently pressed another finger inside of him and his panting turned to moaning. I kissed his lips, his cheeks, his hair, kissed the top of his ear and whispered closely, "I'm going to take you now."

My fingers were quickly replaced by the head of my cock. I pressed inside of him and he ground out my name again. "Hakkai." God there was just something about my name on his lips. I couldn't control myself. I pushed all of me into him. I pushed until I couldn't push any further. I was inside of Gojyo. I moaned deeply at that thought and began moving inside him.

Over and over I pumped inside of Gojyo. My hands were on his hips pulling him close. I could hear him saying my name over and over while wave after wave of warmth rolled over my body. My hands strayed to his cock and immediately Gojyo was whispering "Fuuuuck Hakkai!" My release was fiery as I felt his cum on my hands. God it felt so damn good.

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I collapsed on the bed next to Gojyo, burying my face in his shoulder and his hair. His hand shot out and his fingers wound their way into my hair. We laid there like that for what felt like forever as we tried to regain our breath. My heart felt like it was going to stop. I couldn't believe I'd just been inside Gojyo. He was mine now. My thoughts strayed a little toward Sanzo and I pushed it away. It didn't matter if he wanted Gojyo or not. Gojyo was here with me. He'd opened up to me, let me inside. I breathed deeply inhaling Gojyo's scent. I felt myself begin to lengthen and I knew we were in for a long night.

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I had Hakkai craddled in my left arm, a cigarette in my right hand. Taking long deep drags on my cigarette, I thought of every glorious thing I had just done with Hakkai. Not just once, but 3 separate times. Damn it had been good. It was exciting to know it was just the first nite of the many to come.

Hakkai lay quietly in my arms. I could tell he was deep in thought. I hoped he was as content as I was. He was so still I was beginning to wonder if he had fallen asleep. I lifted my hand from his shoulder and ruffled his hair a little.

"You asleep man?" I only asked to remind him that I was there.

"No Gojyo. I was just in my own thoughts."

"Good." I nodded my head. I kept my hand in his hair. It was so silky. I never would have expected a man to have silky hair. It was better than any woman's I'd ever felt. There was more silence between us. My own thoughts began to drift. Was Hakkai really in love with me? Was that why this had been so good? Or was it because we were in love with each other. I really didn't want to be thinking. I knew that whatever I felt for Hakkai was something deep, but I really didn't want to do deep right now.

I cleared my throat. "That was good Hakkai." I was a little embarrased to be saying that. I wasn't quite sure what one man said to another after sex.

Hakkai chuckled. "Yes, it was." I reached to put my cigarette out in the ashtray on the bedside table. Hakkai shifted away from me and I felt a sense of loss. Cigarette out, I rolled to face him on my side. He turned to meet me and we lay looking at each other. Hakkai reached his hand out lazily and pushed my hair softly from my eyes.

"You had never been with another man had you?"

Hakkai's question surprised me. It wasn't at all what I had expected. I didn't think he would really need to ask.

"No, I haven't, well had not. That surprises you?" I asked him.

"Yes and no. I thought you might have. It's no secret you've had many lovers. It wouldn't have been surprising if some of them had been men. But there's really been nothing to make me think any of them were."

"And what about you?" I laughed teasingly. I already knew the answer to that. I didn't imagine he could have been with anyone but Kanaan. That may have been the reason I was so surprised when he'd confessed his love for me out in the forest. I realized I was getting lost in thought again. I focused on Hakkai and noticed he was looking away. My mind screeched to a halt.

"Hakkai?"

There was still silence. Oh god, was I wrong about Hakkai? I put my hand on his shoulder to shake him a little.

"Hakkai? You've...you've been with another man before?" I hoped my voice didn't sound as desperate as I thought it did. Hakkai turned so his eyes met mine. I was completely surprised by what I saw there.

"Yes, Gojyo, I have. One." His voice was sure and strong. He wasn't embarrassed. If anything, he seemed relieved to be telling me.

"When?" I tried not to let the surprise show in my voice.

"Does it really matter?"

"Before or after Kanaan?"

"After."

I inhaled sharply. Surprise didn't cover it. After? He would have been living with me. Damn, I must have spent too many nights out. I never even had a clue. I tried to laugh it off.

"No wonder you knew what to do." I sat up quickly to grab a cigarette. "I confess I would have been a little lost." I brought the cigarette to my lips and lit it quickly. I didn't want to be talking about this anymore. I exhaled slowly while Hakkai sat up, leaning his back against the wall.

"I know it surprises you Gojyo. I wanted you to know."

"What's past is past, right?" I held my hand steady, tried not to smoke my cigarette too fast. Hakkai smiled and nodded at me. He leaned forward and kissed me so gently on the lips. I moved to sit next to him. His arm went out behind me, around my waist and we leaned toward each other.

"For the first time in a very long time, I feel truly happy," Hakkai half whispered.

"I understand," I whispered back and kissed him on his ear.

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A/N: I really appreciate my readers! Thanks for sticking with me!


	8. Chapter 8

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...

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When I woke up, the sun was shining brightly through my window and Hakkai was gone. I lay there looking up at the ceiling, reliving the moments from the nite before. I couldn't help but grin. I rolled over and I could smell Hakkai on the pillows. Still grinning I stood up completely naked and felt so free. A giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had Hakkai now. I knew everything would be ok. Whistling a little tune I headed to the bathroom to take a long shower. I wanted to relax under a spray of steaming hot water and daydream about the night before. I brushed my hair out of my eyes and I could smell Hakkai on my hands. I pressed them to my face and inhaled deeply. I glanced at myself in the mirror and laughed out loud at the stupid grin plastered on my face. I could see faint bruises on my hips where Hakkai had pulled me to him, back and forth, over and over, almost all nite long. I liked seeing his mark on me. Once I thought about it, a shower wasn't really necessary. Everyone else would have already headed downstairs for some breakfast. I didn't want that stupid monk to leave without me.

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Gojyo came sauntering down the stairs, hands thrust behind his head, whistling some sort of tune. A small sigh escaped my lips and my eyes darted toward Sanzo. He'd been quiet all morning reading his newspaper while Goku ate everything at the table. He hadn't said a single word to me or even acknowledged that I was sitting at the table. I thought for sure he would be looking at Gojyo, but nothing. The newspaper stayed in place.

Gojyo spotted us across the room and with a goofy grin stretched across his face, he made his way to our table. His hand shot out and ran across the back of my chair as he walked past. I tried to still the small shiver as his finger tips barely grazed my back. It was like electricty running through my veins. Gojyo plopped down in the chair across from me and gave me one of his easy grins. My insides were already melting. I could feel myself getting hard and shifted in my seat. The smile in Gojyo's eyes told me he knew what was happening to my body.

Gojyo grabbed a cigarette and placed it between his lips. He tilted his head slightly, lighter in hand, to light it up. That slight tilt and his slightly flexed arms made my mouth water. I realized Goku had become still next to Gojyo and I looked up at him. I felt my face flush as I saw the look in his eyes. I hadn't realized I too was just as obvious in my actions. With Gojyo, it was no big deal, but for me, Hakkai, to be a little flustered was strange to Goku. I could see the confusion in his eyes. Gojyo looked up once his cigarette was lit. He looked to me and when he saw the direction I was looking in, he realized what was going on.

_Whap, _Gojyo's hand had shot out to smack Goku in the back of his head. I barely contained my amusement.

'What, no good morning for me Monkey?"

"Heeeeeyyyy! _Screw_ _you_, you pervy water sprite!"

Gojyo's eyes grew big as he shot me a look. I couldn't contain it this time and I laughed out loud. Sanzo's paper rustled and I was brought back to the reality of the situation. It wasn't so funny with Sanzo sitting at the table. Gojyo's smile slid off his face. He hung his head as he looked down at the table continuing with his cigarette. Sanzo cleared his throat and folded up his newspaper.

"If you idiots are ready, we need to get a move on." Sanzo's voice was a little more gruff than usual.

"Alright Sanzo! I'm ready so let's go!" Goku pushed his chair back and stood up. He was in his usual bouncing, happy mood. Gojyo sat there, still looking down. I couldn't take my eyes from him. I wondered if something was wrong.

"Hey, what's wrong with you two?" Goku asked quite seriously. All it took from Sanzo was a loud "Ch." Gojyo and I were up and moving. I moved next to Goku and ruffled his hair.

"Nothing is wrong Goku. I'm just a little tired this morning." He smiled up into my eyes and I felt a little knot in my stomach. We wouldn't be able to continue this for long. Goku would catch on eventually and Gojyo would have to know about Sanzo sooner or later. I sighed just thinking about it.

We walked outside together as a group where Hakaryu was waiting for us. He was already in Jeep form. I slid into the front seat and put my belt on. Gojyo deftly jumped the side, relaxed into his seat, and threw his arms behind his head again, cigarette dangling loosely on his bottom lip. His eyes met mine in my mirror. They sparkled like rubies. It cheered me inside to know I would be able to see him throughout the day. Goku was taking his usual place in the back as Sanzo stole up to Gojyo. My eyes left Gojyo's to shift to Sanzo's in my mirror. Sanzo leaned over slightly, closer to Gojyo as his eyes stayed on mine.

"You got a light?" He spoke around the cigarette between his lips.

"Sure man." Gojyo fumbled for the lighter in his pocket. He found it and began to hand it to Sanzo. Sanzo just leaned forward a little closer and Gojyo sat there for a second, confused. I saw the recognition and shock on his face as he realized Sanzo wanted him to light the cigarette for him. His thumb flicked quickly over the wheel and the small flame shot up. Gojyo brought it up as Sanzo leaned in even further to meet him. Gojyo's hands so near to Sanzo's face made me anxious inside. I wondered what game Sanzo was playing.

Cigarette lit, Sanzo began his short walk to the front passenger seat of the Jeep.

"Couldn't find my lighter this morning."

"No problem man, let me know if you need another light."

My eyes flicked to Sanzo getting into his seat and back to my mirror to see Gojyo watching Sanzo with a little confusion.

"Well, if everyone is ready now?" I tried to keep the resentment from my voice. Sanzo could have really lost his lighter. Unlikely, but still a possibility.

Sanzo nodded his head, "Let's go."

Once again we headed toward the West, only this time a swarm of confusion played through my mind.

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The day went slower than most. I watched Hakkai in his mirror and fought with the monkey more than a few times. It kept the boredom from overtaking me. I smoked more cigarettes than usual. It kept my hands busy when they itched to reach out and touch Hakkai. I was dying to run my hands over his shoulders, his smooth back, his satin hair. Anything, I would have taken anything by midafternoon. I leaned forward and rested my arms on the back of Hakkai's seat. If I didn't get close to him in some way I would have gone crazy.

"Yo, Hakkai. We close to the next town?" I tried not to let my arms touch his back.

"We should reach a very small village around nightfall." Hakkai's eyes on mine in the mirror didn't help. The small quirk to his lips told me he knew what my problem was.

"Then we'll be lucky to find an inn." Sanzo's voice intruded on my thoughts. Just remembering he was close made me nervous. I sat back, removing my arms from Hakkai's seat. Wouldn't want Sanzo to figure things out too soon.

"What about food Sanzo!? Will there be a place to eat?" Goku whined beside me. I flipped open my cigarettes and grabbed another one from the pack placing it between my lips. I lit it and relaxed even more into my seat knowing where the conversation would lead.

"I'm sure there will be a place to get some food Goku." Hakkai answered reassuringly. "The villagers would need to eat and there always seems to be at least one small place to stay in villages like these. So you see, you have nothing to worry about."

The sound of Hakkai's voice made my heart race. There'd better be some place for us tonite. I wanted him badly.

"We'll probably have to share a room." Damn that Sanzo to hell. He would bring up something like that.

"Awwww Sanzo! I hate sleeping with that cockroach!"

"What the hell did you say you damn monkey!?" I was already up and out of my seat jumping on Goku. I wanted to pound the hell out of him just to relieve some stress. Goku was shoving at my chest trying to push me away. The afternoon continued in much the same way the morning had.

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I was tired from a full day of driving. I would have been tired just from watching Gojyo fidgeting in the backseat. I could see him clearly in my mirror. I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of him. Our eyes would meet occassionally and I could see all the longing he felt. It mirrored my own. He really had no idea how obvious his actions were. If Sanzo didn't already know about us, he would have figured it out instantly.

I shook my head to clear my mind. I'd been sitting at the bar drinking with Sanzo and Gojyo for a couple of hours now. The one small inn in this village had a bar, restaraunt, and one room left which we gratefully accepted and of course had to share. Luckily 4 beds were available. Gojyo suggested the round of drinks when he heard about the sleeping arrangements _and_ that the next town was three days away. Goku sat at the end of the bar eating meatbuns. He was totally oblivious to the amount of alcohol the three of us had already consumed.

I needed to lay down. It was stupid of me to agree to drink with Sanzo and Gojyo. I was getting to the point where I could have passed out. I knew Sanzo and Gojyo couldn't be any better. My only reason was a small fear of leaving the two of them alone together. I didn't think I had any reason to worry about Gojyo, but Sanzo? I just wasn't sure. The world smeared by as I turned my head to look at Sanzo to my left. He sat there staring straight forward, a beer clasped between his hands. I sighed and turned my head, the world rushing by again, and looked at Gojyo on my right. His head was down on the bar. Was he snoring? I leaned in a little and closed my eyes. He was snoring! I really needed to get up to our room. I didn't like to drink until I passed out. The amount of alcohol that would have been involved would be obscene. If I was feeling this way, I knew I'd already had too much.

I pushed my barstool back and stood up slowly and hoped gracefully. I placed my hand on Gojyo's back ready to wake him and help him upstairs to our room.

"Leave him." Sanzo's command startled me. "Let him sleep it off here. He'll be fine in an hour." My head snapped around to look at Sanzo. Surprise must have been written all over my face.

"Goku!"

"Huh, Sanzo?"

"Keep an eye on Gojyo. Let him sleep it off for an hour. Wake him up then."

"Awww Sanzo! Why do I have to stay here with him huh?"

"Order more meatbuns." Sanzo's gold card flashed between his fingers.

"Alright!!! I've got him Sanzo."

I wondered what Sanzo wanted now. It was an obvious ploy to get me alone. I told myself he just wanted to talk. At least, I hoped that's all it was. I didn't always have the strength I should when it came to denying Sanzo. There was something about that man that made me a little weak. Sanzo turned slowly toward the stairs.

"Let's go."

I followed after him. It was the only way to find out anything.

We shuffled quietly up the stairs. Our room was the second on the left. Sanzo carefully unlocked the door and held it open while I went through. I walked a few steps in and stood there. The short walk did nothing to help clear my mind from the fog of the alcohol. I felt a little like a caged animal. Alone with Sanzo was not a good thing. The door snapped shut behind me. I could hear Sanzo's robes sliding down his arms. He pushed past me and went to sit on his bed. I could see him clearly now. His robes were still on but pooled at his waist. That damn black top always made my head swim. The black sleeves didn't help either. I closed my eyes for a few moments against the beautiful sight of Sanzo. I took a deep breath and when I felt ready I opened my eyes and went to the bed on the opposite side of the room from his. I sat down and pressed my back against the wall, leaning my head back.

Sanzo sat smoking a cigarette. The silence was more than I could handle.

"Did you want to talk about something Sanzo?" Silence greeted my question. I sighed and kicked off my boots. If he wasn't going to talk I was going to lay down and do my best to convince my head to stop flipping around. How much had I really had to drink? I stretched out on my bed, happy to feel the pillow beneath my head. I would lay there quietly until I felt a little more like myself and then I would go downstairs and help Gojyo get into bed.

"Did you enjoy yourself last nite Hakkai?"

I sighed. I don't know why I'd fooled myself into thinking he was going to let me lay there quietly.

"Yes Sanzo, I did."

"Was it everything you'd hoped it would be?" His voice was very gruff.

"Yes Sanzo, it was."

"And did he declare his undying love for you too?"

I couldn't answer him. I just lay there silently choking on the tears that were starting to build. I didn't want him to know that Gojyo hadn't said a single thing about love. I knew that it was hard for Gojyo, but it still hurt a little that he couldn't admit it.

"Your silence says it all Hakkai."

That simple statment was enough to send me over the edge. I was up and off the bed growling my rage.

"God damn it Sanzo! What the hell do you want from me!? You say you're not angry. You act like you _want_ me to go, so I go! And now that I'm gone, you play games with me. With Gojyo. What in the hell do you want!?" I was standing at his bed yelling down at him. I would never have lost it like that in a million years if I weren't so drunk and torn between a man I was deeply in love with and a man I was deeply attracted to. Sanzo was off his bed instantly. He was yelling something at me, but my head was spinning. I tried to focus on what he was saying. His hands were in the air, waving. He was pointing, growling at me. I looked at his lips trying to focus. That didn't help. All I could think about were those lips pressed to mine. I wanted those lips on my neck and belly. I couldn't breath and he just kept yelling. I wanted to yell back. Instead I closed my eyes trying to block it all out.

His mouth was on mine instantly. His hands were raking through my hair, down my sides. His breath was ragged on my cheek as his mouth moved to my chin. His kisses were wet and frantic. I realized my hands were on his arms stroking up and down, over his gloves, feeling the muscle tensed there. I was so hard. I ached like nothing I'd ever felt before. Sanzo's hands were clawing at my shirt, pulling it apart. When his hands landed on my chest the groan that escaped my lips was loud even in my ears. His mouth replaced his hands and trailed to my nipple. He took it into his mouth and it tightened almost painfully. I was panting. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. Wanted to taste him everywhere. I yanked him up to me and crushed his lips against mine again. His scent and taste were so comfortable. I knew him so well.

I loved the feel of him through his tight shirt. It hid nothing. Felt amazing on my fingers. His well contoured muscles were highlighted by it. I couldn't count the number of times I'd told him to leave it on while I fucked him. Sanzo groaned and panted while my hands explored his stomach. His tongue invaded my mouth, completely took over all of my senses.

The gasp at the door shook me to my very soul. I squeezed my eyes shut for only a second while I turned to see my fate. I opened them to Gojyo sliding to the floor on his knees. The emotion is his eyes was completely indescribable, undefinable. Goku stood beside him, and the shock on his face was quite clear. The silence in the room hurt my head. I slid from Sanzo's arms and sat down hard on the bed I'd occupied early. Fuck. It was the only thing going around and around in my mind. Fuck...fuck...fuck, fuck _FUCK!_

Sanzo calmly and quietly walked to the door, pushed past Gojyo and Goku, and was gone. I still sat there screaming over and over in my head. Goku took one last look down at Gojyo, then over to me and he was off after Sanzo.

"Sanzo, Sanzo!!"

I could hear him yelling down the hall for him to wait. All I could do was sit there. My body wasn't working properly. Never in a million years was this how I wanted Gojyo to find out about Sanzo and me. I tried to take deep steadying breaths. I felt the tears burn down my cheeks. Tried not to scream out my pain.

The silence made me aware that Gojyo was standing before me. I looked up, tears running down my face, right into Gojyo's eyes. The hurt was there so plainly.

"Hakkai?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Gojyo." I choked on a sob as I said his name.

"Sanzo? It was fucking Sanzo you had been with!?" I wasn't surprised by the shock and hurt in his voice. I knew he would have felt that way under the best of circumstances and this was _not_ the best of circumstances. I tried to calm my breathing. Tried to stop the tears so I could just talk to him.

"Yes Gojyo. It was Sanzo." There was no point in making excuses or even trying to explain. I didn't know that I could anyway.

Gojyo slid to the floor in front of me. Now I was looking down on him. His eyes were turned up to mine. We sat there silently looking at each other for a minute. His head fell into my lap and the sobs that broke from him, from deep inside, tormented my soul.

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A/N: I really enjoy writing, but it would be nice to know it my stuff is any good. If you're enjoying this, I'd love to know. ~Ayaka


	9. Chapter 9

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...

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However long Gojyo had lay in my lap crying, I had no idea. I had lost track of time. His weeping was deep and hard. His entire body shook beneath my hands. All I could do was sit there and let him cry. There were no words to soothe him. My hands played in his hair. I tried to push it back from his face but he'd just bury his face deeper into my legs. There was nothing to do but let him cry.

When Gojyo became silent I felt my heart jump in my chest. His body had finally stilled and his breath came smooth and even. He must have fallen asleep. I brushed his hair from his face. I wanted to see him. I ached to see him. My soul felt like it had died. I could not imagine what Gojyo would say to me in the morning. He would feel betrayed. My biggest fear was losing him.

The scars across Gojyo's cheek reminded me of the horrible betrayal from his childhood. I had done it to him again. I had worked so hard to ease myself into his heart, to provide him with a sense of warmth and security. All it took was one night, I hurt him so easy. I ran my fingers over the scars. It seemed I could never be there for the ones I loved. I wasn't there for Kanan and I lost her, now I feared I would lose Gojyo too. Tears shimmered on the edge of Gojyo's eyelashes. They were like crystals. I brushed them gently from his eyes with the pad of my thumb. Leaning over, I brushed a kiss across his eyes. I could taste the salt from his tears.

I stood up and gently eased Gojyo up onto the bed behind me. He was deadweight in my arms, as heavy as my heart. Once he was settled, I pulled his boots off and stood looking down at him. I wasn't angry at Sanzo. I had no one to blame but myself. I lay down in the bed next to Gojyo. There was no longer any reason to hide from Sanzo and Goku when they came back. I wouldn't pass on the chance to be with him tonight. It might be my last.

I ran my hands through Gojyo's hair one last time and savored the feel of the strands between my fingers. The color reminded me of laughter, time spent at our house before the journey, strength. It no longer admonished me. It spoke to me of trust and faith, healing, love. I laid my head on my right arm and wrapped my left around Gojyo's waist. He instinctively pressed his body closer to mine, seeking the strength and reassurance he'd come to know. I sighed feeling the tears trying to surface again. I would sleep with Gojyo in my arms tonite and see what tomorrow would bring.

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Sanzo and Goku sat at the bar on the first floor of the inn. Sanzo held a small cup of rice wine in one hand, a lit cigarette in the other. Goku stared silently ahead.

"You can go to bed Goku."

It was the first thing Sanzo had said to him all nite. "I'm not tired Sanzo."

"Ch." Sanzo downed the contents of his cup and pushed it out for a refill. "I'm _telling _you to go to bed Goku."

"I'd rather stay here with you."

Sanzo growled. "Just go to bed stupid monkey. I don't need your help to get drunk."

"Damn you Sanzo! You looked drunk enough earlier!"

Sanzo's head snapped around to look at Goku. "Shut up."

"No, you shut up Sanzo! I'm not going anywhere. Not while you're drinking, not while you're drunk, not when you're this angry, and especially not when you need to talk." Goku was a little breathless. It wasn't often he stood up to Sanzo, but he was so tired of being left out of things. Everyone treated him as if he was a little kid. He had thoughts, ideas, and feelings just like the other guys. At least he hadn't been the only one who hadn't know what was going on this time...

"Do what you want," came Sanzo's typical answer.

"I will then." Goku sat up straight and looked forward again. Sanzo downed another cup of rice wine. Once again he slid it out for another refill. Goku's hand shot out to cover the top of the cup before the bartender could pour any more for him.

"You've had enough Sanzo. Let's go." He reached out and tugged on Sanzo's arm a little.

"You have some nerve monkey."

Sanzo stood up and followed Goku out the door. The night was warm with a slight breeze. Crickets were chirping in the distance as the two walked silently to the village square. Once he was sure Sanzo was following, Goku slowed a little to give Sanzo the chance to move up beside him. There were no lights in the buildings they passed, but the stars twinkled brightly overhead. It would have been a beautiful night if it weren't for the events that had taken place earlier. Goku walked to the only tree surrounded by a patch of grass. He plopped down against it and immediately began pulling up blades of grass. Sanzo stood at the edge looking at Goku. Goku was just beginning to wonder if Sanzo would sit when he took a seat against the opposite side of the tree and lay his head back.

"Sanzo...what happened in there?" The silence lay thick in the night air. Goku looked down at the grass he held in his hand then squeezed his eyes shut. "Please talk to me Sanzo. I want to understand."

Sanzo lit a cigarette and cleared his throat. "I was kissing Hakkai, Goku." Goku laughed.

"I could see that Sanzo."

"Then what is it you're really asking?"

"Why?"

Sanzo's eyes fluttered shut. "Because I like him Goku."

"And Gojyo?"

"What of Gojyo?"

"He looked pretty upset Sanzo. He didn't know did he?"

"No."

Goku wasn't sure what to ask. It wasn't so surprising that Sanzo would like Hakkai. He did save him after all. They seemed to be on the same level. They usually worked out the plans together. And Hakkai followed him so faithfully. It would make sense that they would possibly want to be together.

"Are you in love with Hakkai?"

"Yes."

"Is Hakkai in love with you?"

"No."

"Gojyo?"

"Gojyo what? Why do we keep coming back to Gojyo!?"

Goku ignored Sanzo's anger. He wanted to know what was going on. Wanted to understand. The only way he'd get any answers from Sanzo was if he just kept asking questions.

"Is Hakkai in love with Gojyo?"

"Yes."

"And Gojyo..."

"I don't know Goku."

"What's with Gojyo then?"

Sanzo sighed and took another deep drag of his cigarette. "Hakkai and Gojyo are together now."

Goku froze. Things really were complicated. He pulled up the grass without even realizing he was doing it now. The next question would hurt.

"And you knew?"

"Yes Goku, I knew." Sanzo stood up, his back to Goku. "That's enough now. Let's go back to the inn. You need to get some sleep." He walked off.

Goku knew his limits. He wouldn't push anymore tonite. He stood up and brushed the dirt and grass from his pants. He sprinted a little to catch up to Sanzo and the two walked quietly back to the inn.

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When Sanzo silently opened the door to their room Goku peered quickly around his arm trying to find Hakkai and Gojyo. The two of them were laying asleep on the same bed. Hakkai had his arm looped around Gojyo, his face buried in his hair.

"Ch." Sanzo stepped in the room and made his way to his bed. Goku stayed standing in the doorway. The shock of seeing Hakkai and Gojyo pressed so tightly together had made Goku pause. He knew he would help Sanzo get over what was really bugging him. He didn't want the group torn apart. He walked to one of the two remaining beds and plopped down face first. His last thought before drifting off was what it would be like to have his arm draped around Sanzo the same way Hakkai had Gojyo.

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A/N: I want to say **THANK YOU **to my reviewers! You guys have made me very happy. Also, a big **THANK YOU** to everyone who has favorited this story, put it on your alert list, or favorited me as an author. It's always nice to know that someone is enjoying what I've written. I hope I can continue writing something that you enjoy reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...

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It was the sun that woke me up. It shone brightly into my eyes through the window positioned directly above the bed. I groaned and rolled over hoping to find Gojyo still in bed with me. I encountered empty bed and groaned again. I turned over the other direction and noticed Goku was sleeping sprawled over one of the beds across the room. If Goku was here then Sanzo must be too. Goku would never have come back last nite without him.

I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face. I had a slight headache from the alcohol I'd consumed the nite before. I'm sure everything else didn't help either. I grabbed my monocle from the table at the foot of the bed and wondered when I'd taken it off. I straightened my clothing and went into the bathroom to wash my face. I was putting off the inevitable meeting downstairs. I was drying my face when I realized Sanzo wasn't in the room either. Were Gojyo and Sanzo downstairs eating breakfast together? I quickly replaced my monocle and hurried out the door.

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It was still early when I woke with a pounding headache. I rolled over, a little disoriented and came face to face with Hakkai. He was still dressed. His hair poked out in every direction and his monocle was still on. I reached out to take it off of him when the memory of the night before came rushing back. Hakkai's mouth on Sanzo's...his hands on Sanzo's body. My heart was drumming and I was afraid I would throw up. I eased off the end of the bed and made it to the bathroom just in time.

When I was finished I sat on the bathroom floor, my back against the wall. I refused to cry. Sha Gojyo would _not_ cry...again. I pushed up from the floor and rinsed my mouth and face. The sun was just barely beginning to shine through the window when I went back into the room. Hakkai was still asleep on the bed we had apparently shared through the night. Sanzo and Goku were also still sleeping. I knew Sanzo would be up soon. Hakkai too. It wasn't often I was up first. I walked back to where Hakkai lay quietly sleeping. I looked down at him and wanted so badly to crawl back into his arms and feel some comfort, but the hurt laced through my heart like acid. Still, I reached down and very gently removed his monocle, placing it on the table at the foot of the bed. I would move on from this. We had an important mission to complete and in the scheme of things, who would really care if Sha Gojyo had his heart crushed in the process?

I made my way downstairs looking forward to some breakfast and my first gratifying cigarette of the day. If I was lucky, the bar would still be open. A beer was always welcome in my opinion. I had no such luck once I made it to the small restaurant. The bar was dark over in the corner and there was only one other person sitting in the dining room. I grabbed a chair at a table near a window. I flipped the ashtray right side up and lit my cigarette. The smoke that filled my lungs made me want to shout with joy. It felt so damn good. I ordered my breakfast and looked out the window to watch the early morning shoppers strolling by. The village may have been small but it was still nice.

I was flicking the ash from my cigarette when I realized Sanzo was pulling out a chair at the table. My breath came a little faster and I told myself to calm down. It was just Sanzo. Just Sanzo...who was kissing Hakkai...who had his hands in Hakkai's hair...who...damn I needed to stop. I wouldn't do this to myself all day. Damn that stupid, stupid monk and damn Hakkai too!

Sanzo cleared his throat as he sat down in his chair. My eyes flicked up to meet his. I cut him off before he even had a chance.

"Don't say a damn thing monk."

"I didn't plan to." Sanzo was already pushing his glasses onto his face and the newspaper was out instantly. The waitress was setting my breakfast before me and taking Sanzo's order for a pot of tea. The stupid monk was buried in his paper and I was left to look out the window. Now that Sanzo was with me, the food didn't seem so appealing. I pushed it around on my plate and watched a cute girl walk by with a bag of groceries.

Sanzo was already sipping his tea when Hakkai came down the stairs. I could feel his presence before I saw that he was there. It was like sparks, like lightning in my heart. I turned to look at him. He looked a little rushed, flustered maybe, standing at the foot of the stairs. I looked back out the window again and waited for him to come.

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When I reached the foot of the stairs I was surprised to see Gojyo and Sanzo sitting at breakfast as if nothing had ever happened. Sanzo was reading his paper, pot of tea in front of him, cigarette in hand. Gojyo, bold, tenacious, undaunted Gojyo sat staring out the window. His glorious sanguine hair shimmered in the sunlight beckoning me to run my hands through it and kiss the strands as they fell through my fingers. He looked up at me and it was almost as if he could read my thoughts. Just as quickly, he turned to look out the window again. I knew how things would be. The small glimpse of the hollowness in his eyes let me know his heart would be the same. I took a steadying breath and made my way to the table.

"Good Morning Gojyo, Sanzo." I nodded to each of them and took the only remaining seat. I would wait until I had Gojyo to myself. There was no need for Sanzo to hear what I needed to say. I ordered a small breakfast and a second pot of tea. Gojyo continued to look out the window. Sanzo continued to read. Well, this certainly hadn't turned out like I expected. I put my hands in my lap and looked out the window, wondering what it was Gojyo was focusing so hard on.

"Hakkai! Gojyo! Good Morning!" Goku was rushing toward the table a smile lighting up his face. He grabbed a chair from another table and fairly pushed me to the side. I scooted closer to Gojyo and smiled a little inside, happy to be so near to him. Goku sat his chair between Sanzo and me and plopped down with his usual vigor.

"Mornin' Sanzo!" Sanzo just grunted and lit another cigarette. My food arrived giving Goku the chance to place his order. I pushed my plate toward Goku and he immediately began picking at my food. I was glad he did. I didn't think I would be able to eat anything. Sanzo folded up his paper and took his glasses from his face.

"Now that we're all here, we leave in 10 minutes." He pushed his chair back from the table and took his newspaper with him.

"I'm going to get more cigarettes. Be ready before I get back." He turned and walked from the restaurant. Goku looked up at me and shrugged.

"I'm going for cigarettes too." Gojyo stood up and followed a few steps behind Sanzo. I saw him catch up to Sanzo outside from the window. Nothing could have surprised me more. That he chose to follow Sanzo rather than sit at the table with me tore at my heart.

Goku's food was delivered to him and he immediately started in. I sat there for a minute, lost in thought, wondering what I was going to do.

"You know it will all work out, right Hakkai?"

Goku's statment surprised me. I turned to look at him. His big eyes were filled with knowing. At some point, Goku had begun to understand things. I had underestimated him.

"I hope so Goku." I placed my hand on his arm for just a moment then stood up to get our things packed and into the Jeep.

"Better finish up before Sanzo gets back."

Goku nodded. "I will Hakkai."

I looked at him for a moment longer then turned to head upstairs.

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A/N: I want to apologize for my spelling of "nite". I've tried to go over and over my stories to replace my "nite" with "night" and I know I keep missing some of them. I started using "nite" when I was younger, I thought it was fancier and now I can't seem to stop spelling it that way! Again, much thanks for reading and even more thanks if you have stopped and taken the time to log in and leave a review. I appreciate the support! Much more to come...


	11. Chapter 11

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

I just wanted to throw in a quick thanks to RadicalEd57. Your reviews/notes always make me smile.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...

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We were in the Jeep again. Dark was coming quickly and Sanzo showed no signs of wanting to stop for the night. Goku was asleep next to me in the back. I'm sure it was out of complete boredom that he had closed his eyes. I knew I hadn't been good company all day. What I really wanted was to drink a few beers and smoke a couple packs of cigarettes alone, but instead I was stuck with a snoring monkey, a bastard priest, and the man who had broken my heart.

It was hard not to watch Hakkai and Sanzo. I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it before. Their movements almost seemed coordinated. They flowed together so easily. I didn't think they realized they moved like that. One sort of wrapped around the other, moved when the other moved. _I _wanted to be the one in sync with Hakkai. I wanted to be able to move with him, think with him. They just gravitated toward each other. I wondered if Hakkai was in love with Sanzo without knowing. My heart gave a little squeeze. I knew these awful feelings would eventually go away. I hated being tied up in knots. I lit another cigarette and watched the trees go by. I hoped Sanzo would call it a night soon.

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It was midnight before Sanzo allowed us to stop. There had been no arguments between Goku and Gojyo all day. Sanzo had sat silently in his seat, head down. The silence was disheartening. I don't know what I had expected, but it made me feel terrible. I had tried several times throughout the day to catch Gojyo's eyes with mine in the rearview mirror, but I never saw him look up. He watched the scenery go by and smoked one cigarette after another.

Our camp for the night was nothing special. A few blankets for each of us in a small clearing Sanzo had spotted on the side of the road. We'd be lucky to get any sleep but I guess it was better than nothing. I lay with my arms behind my head, looking up at the stars. I missed Gojyo's heat. I'd only had the chance to lay in his arms twice. It was enough to make me crave more. More than anything, I wanted to be in the next town. I wanted the privacy of a room to talk to Gojyo. I wanted to fix things, let him know how much I really loved him. I wanted to explain Sanzo, but I wasn't sure I'd know how.

Hakaryu was curled up asleep next to my head. His little snores brought me back from my thoughts. I needed to sleep. I would need all the energy I could get if I wanted to make it to the next town. It would take strength to keep my emotions in check until we did. I rolled to my side and stroked Hakaryu's soft down. The repetitive movement helped lull me to sleep.

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I was going to go _crazy_ if I couldn't stop thinking. Hakkai, Hakkai, Hakkai. I'd spent a restless night dreaming about him and now that I was awake, he was all I could think about. Just as I'd begin to forgive him, to think maybe I had overreacted, I'd play the scene with Sanzo over in my head and I would start to feel betrayed again. Lost, hurt, I _hated_ these feelings. Didn't want to feel anything. Alcohol would have numbed the pain.

I sighed and leaned back in my seat. We wouldn't be in town until the next evening. I lit a cigarette and looked up at Sanzo. His blonde hair was blowing in the wind rushing by. Each movement reflected gold. I was mesmerized by it, couldn't take my eyes away from him. I felt someone staring at me and turned slightly in my seat. Hakkai watched me in his mirror. There was a sort of pleading in his eyes. Like he knew what I was thinking and was begging me to understand. I looked back over to Sanzo, the line of his jaw, the shape of his nose, they were beautiful. Really, beautiful didn't describe him. He was too perfect. No one should be that perfect. I looked back to Hakkai. He made me feel comfortable. It was like coming home. His eyes still tried to speak of his sorrow. I didn't want to face that yet. I wanted to work things out for myself. I knew I couldn't avoid it forever, but I just wasn't ready. We'd talk at the next town once I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

My eyes lingered on Hakkai's, soaking up their emerald brilliance. Damn the man, all he had to do was look at me. Hakkai was just starting to speak when Sanzo's head snapped up.

"We have company." Sanzo's voice was a low growl.

Over the next rise a group of demons stood waiting. Same song and dance as usual. Overeager demons claiming they were going to kick the Sanzo party's ass. Good. It would break the monotony of the day. I was up and out of the Jeep, calling my shakajou to me before it even stopped. Goku was beside me instantly.

"I bet I kill more than you cockroach!" Goku was laughing, happy to be up and moving.

"We'll see about that you stupid monkey." I felt enlivened.

"Loser buys meatbuns when we reach town!"

I was off in a second. There was no way in hell I was gonna let that monkey beat me. My weapon felt warm in my hands. The weight was pleasant and the feel of it slicing through the air made me laugh out loud. It felt _good_ to be fighting. I could take my anger out on these assholes and it would be ok. Six down. Goku's back slammed against mine.

"How many water sprite?"

"Six, you bastard. You?"

"Ha! Eight."

He sprinted away after another demon. I growled and really put my all into the next attack. The clink of the chains made me smile bigger. Ten. Only a few more to go.

The fight was over faster than I wanted it to be. I wasn't even breathing hard. The demons sent to attack us were a joke. It was always like that. I walked the short distance to the Jeep. Hakkai stood leaning against the hood. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was smiling. The adrenaline was still pounding through my body. It was hard not to smile back.

"Impressive work Gojyo! Sanzo and I didn't even have a chance to join in."

I didn't like them being mentioned in the same sentence together. I just nodded to him, not ready to talk. Goku came bounding over.

"How many?" He stood hopping from foot to foot. His big eyes looked up at me in excitment.

"Fourteen." His bouncing stopped short.

"Aww hell. Twelve." I laughed out loud and reached out to ruffle his hair.

"That's right monkey, I'm the better fighter."

"What's that cockroach? I'll show you who's the better fighter..."

We were after each other in seconds. It did feel kinda nice to be arguing with Goku again.

When the whack from Sanzo's fan finally came, I almost didn't mind it. It felt good, _normal_ to be smacked. I really just wanted things to go back to how they were before...well damn, I was back to that again. I jumped back into the Jeep not really caring to bitch at Sanzo or even fight back. I lit a cigarette and tilted my head up. Damn.

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Things almost felt normal again as Goku and Gojyo fought the demons. I was content to watch Gojyo's agile body as he handled his weapon. It was as if his shakajou was a part of him. It was really a beautiful thing. I laughed at myself a little. Gojyo would not like to know he was beautiful. He was too strong to consider himself beautiful, but that was part of what made him so.

When the small battle was over Gojyo walked back to the jeep grinning. I knew he would enjoy bringing those demons down. It was the reason why I had stayed behind. I wanted him to get his frustration out. I wanted him to feel better. The grin slid off his face the closer he walked to me. I didn't want it to go away. It lit up his face. I missed seeing it that way. When I tried talking to him, it did nothing. He just nodded his head and turned his attention to Goku as he came running over. I sighed to myself and climbed back into the Jeep. I couldn't wait for the next town.

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Two more days of driving, one more night spent sleeping in the Jeep and we were _finally_ in a new town. It felt like I'd spent the past 3 days wishing I were in town and now that we were here I was _euphoric._ It was a nice town too. Several bars, lots of restaurants, and people everywhere. A guy could get lost here.

Hakkai pulled up in front of a nice little inn. It was a couple stories high with fresh paint and plenty of trees out front. I sat in the back drumming my foot as we waited for Sanzo to return with the confirmation of rooms. Hakkai watched me in his mirror but I ignored him. The monkey was scanning the buildings. I was sure he was looking for a restaurant. Right on cue he was bouncing in his seat.

"Hakkai! Gojyo! There's a noodle shop right there!" He pointed a few buildings down from the inn. "Look at the meatbun that guy's got! Hakkai! We have to get some of those."

Hakkai chuckled in the front seat. "We'll get some food as soon as Sanzo comes back Goku. I need to pick up some supplies before it gets too dark and the shops start to close."

I looked up at the sky. It was starting to get dark pretty quickly. I sighed and thought of the past three days again. It had been such a long drive.

Sanzo came walking from the front door of the inn. Goku started bouncing in his seat.

"Well Sanzo!?"

"Four rooms. There's a kitchen for guests to make their own food."

"Alright!!" Goku was jumping out of the Jeep racing for the front door.

"Goku, wait!" Hakkai waited patiently for Goku to stop and turn around. "Goku, why don't you come with me to pick up supplies and when we get back I'll make us a nice dinner."

"Awww, Hakkai! I wanna eat now!"

"We'll pick up some of those meatbuns to snack on while we shop."

"Yes!!!" Goku was rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Hakkai looked to Sanzo. "Are you going to your room?"

"Yeah. Just let me know when dinner's ready."

"I will Sanzo."

Sanzo left to find his room. Hakkai turned to face me. I was still sitting in the Jeep trying to decide if I was going to go find my room or head straight to the bars.

"Would you like to come with us Gojyo?" The look in Hakkai's eyes made my heart flutter rapidly. I could tell he wanted me to say yes. I'd done a good job of ignoring him since we'd fought the group of demons a couple of days ago and I wasn't ready to be around him yet. I hopped over the side of the jeep.

"Nope, I'm headed to find a good bar." I lit up a cigarette and turned away. I didn't want to see Hakkai's face. With my back to Goku and Hakkai I held up my hand and waved to them. "I'll see you back here for dinner." I knew that would give me a couple of hours to relax, have a few beers and play some hands of cards. With any luck, I would find some company for the night and it wouldn't matter if I missed dinner anyway.

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A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and adds as a favorite story/author. I hope you're enjoying the story thus far. It gets a little more exciting in the next chapter...


	12. Chapter 12

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...I do own an imagination though.

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The lights were glowing in the windows at the inn when I finally made it back. I'd been gone a little over two hours so I figured dinner would be ready, if not over by now. I stood facing the inn finishing up the last of my cigarette. I'd had good luck at the tables but not in finding company. The women were pretty, some of them intelligent even, but none of them had green eyes. I'd had enough to drink to dull the ache in my chest, but not enough to be wasted. I wanted to keep my wits about me. I remembered too easily what had happened the last time I'd had too much to drink. I tossed my cigarette on the ground and headed in to see if I'd made it on time for dinner.

The inn was much better than the type we usually stayed in. It looked new. I could hear Goku's laughter as I walked toward the back, past the front desk. There was a nice dining room hidden behind some screens. Candles were lit throughout the room giving it a warm, cozy glow. Goku, Sanzo, and Hakkai sat at a table with several dishes of untouched food. It looked as if they had just sat down. Goku saw me and waved me over.

"Gojyo! Over here. We saved a place for you. Doesn't the food look delicious?"

I walked over to their table. The only chair left was next to Hakkai. I looked down at Hakkai who was smiling up at me.

"We just sat down Gojyo. I was afraid you wouldn't make it back before Goku ate all the food." Hakkai's voice sent ripples of pleasure through my body. The alcohol had worked against me. It might have dulled the pain, but it inflamed my desire. Damn I just wanted to go to my room now. Instead I pulled out the chair and sat down. My arm brushed against Hakkai's and I felt the electricity tingle through me. I pushed my hair from my eyes and knew dinner would last forever.

We were all digging into the food like we were starving. Even Sanzo seemed a little more relaxed and was actually eating for a change. There was laughter as Goku and Hakkai bantered back and forth. Hakaryu sat on Hakkai's shoulder and nibbled on the pieces of food Hakkai fed him in between eating his own food. I even joined in and laughed a little. It felt _almost_ normal. I missed this. I liked the laughter, the joking, playing around. I hated to admit it, but this was my family now. Somehow, all this mess would work itself out. The group couldn't go on if it didn't.

When the food was gone I sat back in my chair and tilted it back onto two legs. I wanted a cigarette but wasn't sure if I could smoke inside a nice place like this. Sanzo wasn't smoking so I figured it would be better to take it outside.

"Thanks for dinner Hakkai, it was delicious." I could tell I surprised him. I don't think I'd said two words to him since I'd found him that night with Sanzo. He quickly regained his composure.

"You're welcome Gojyo, and thank you for saying so." The smile actually reached his eyes for once. He stood up and began clearing the table.

"I'll help, Hakkai!" Goku was on his feet piling the dishes on top of each other.

"Thank you Goku. That's very thoughtful."

The two headed to the kitchen, their arms full of dirty dishes.

I stood up slowly from my chair. Sanzo and I were still on shaky ground. There was already something unsettling about him and now this whole thing with Hakkai just made things worse. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

"I'm going to go have a smoke."

"There's a nice garden out back." Sanzo didn't even look up to speak to me. I stood there for a second looking at his hair. I sorta wished he would have looked at me. I would have enjoyed studying his violet eyes.

That thought shook me as I made my way through the back of the inn and into the garden. I wasn't sure when I'd realized that Sanzo had violet eyes. I looked up as I stepped out the backdoor. The garden that greeted me was nothing short of magnificent. There were trees of all types, some even bearing fruit, bushes, shrubs, even a small pond. Round lanterns hung from the trees and benches were scattered throughout the garden. I decided to walk to the pond first. I lit my cigarette and made my way over.

Koi the length of my arm glided through the water silently. The flip of their fins was so graceful. Looking down into that pond filled me with a sense of peace. I wondered what it would be like to glide through the water like a fish as I walked away. The garden was just begging to be explored. I wandered around smoking my cigarette and enjoying the atmosphere. Whoever had put the garden here must have been in love. It was a paradise for two lovers. My thoughts were drifting to an upleasant place as I reached the end of my cigarette. I didn't really want to go back inside the inn and find my room but I didn't want to be in a place like this that invited thoughts of love.

I sat down on a bench beneath a bright green weeping willow. Some of it's branches almost reached the ground. I'd just lit another cigarette when someone spoke behind me.

"Mind if I get a light?"

The sound of Sanzo's voice suprised me. I'd been wandering around in my own world. The thought that Sanzo may have been watching me all that time embarrassed me a little.

"Sure man." I tried to respond normally but my voice sounded funny in my ears. I cleared my throat and held out my lighter. Sanzo sat down on the bench next to me and took the lighter from my hand. He lit his cigarette quickly and inhaled slowly. I watched his long, slender fingers. Just too perfect.

Sanzo held my lighter out and I took it from him, careful not to touch him. Sanzo didn't exactly invite touch. I thought I might have liked to reach out and touch his hair. I knew it would never happen. I realized I was holding my breath and let it out slowly. I would just focus on my cigarette.

"You're being an asshole you know?"

I was shocked. Sanzo's voice was low, but he spoke quite clearly.

"Excuse me? Did you just call _me_ an asshole?" I was not going to let this drop now that it had finally started.

"You're not even giving Hakkai a chance."

"And why should I monk?"

"Why do you care who he fucked before?"

The word "fucked" made me cringe.

"It's not about the before. He should have told me it was you."

"And why does that matter? It doesn't matter to him that you were with _all _those women before him."

"It's _you_ Sanzo!" I was starting to get really angry. I didn't want to be having this conversation with Sanzo in this peaceful garden. How could I ever explain to _him_ what I was thinking. He would just laugh at me anyway. It's not like we'd ever really got along. I stood up and angrily walked away from him. I just couldn't be near him. Sanzo got up and actually followed me.

"What are you running away from cockroach?" I stopped dead where I was.

"Say that again you bastard."

"What. Are. You. Running. From." Sanzo stopped inches from my face.

"I should kill you right now you son of a bitch."

Sanzo didn't move. I didn't move. We stood there, eyes locked, breathing heavy. I saw it coming. The damn monk was actually going to kiss me...I knew I was going to let him.

Sanzo's lips were rough on mine. I could taste his cigarettes as his mouth opened on mine. I kissed him back hard wanting him to know I wasn't going to back down, wasn't going to run. Our tongues met and he groaned. Sanzo actually _groaned_ when he tasted me. It was an intoxicating feeling. Sanzo wanted _me. _I ground my hips into his, pressed the length of me to him. I kissed him hard and fast giving him no chance to take the lead. I wanted Sanzo _bad._

I dropped my cigarette to the ground when it occured to me this would be my chance to actually touch Sanzo's hair. My hand went up slowly. I was actually scared. Scared to touch Sanzo when _he_ was the one who kissed me first. The thought of knowing what his hair really felt like gave me the courage to do it. My fingers wound through the satin lengths and I knew I was completely lost to Sanzo.

"Damn you water sprite," Sanzo whispered against my lips. I growled at him and thrust my hands through his hair giving a quick tug. His head fell back and I took his mouth again. He started this and I was going to finish it. My tongue explored his mouth, greedy, strong, smooth. He tasted like life. I thought of the mantras that had passed his lips and imagined them flowing into mine. Sanzo's hands were on my hips pulling me closer to him. I don't think he realized we couldn't get any closer unless I was inside of him. The thought of being inside of _Sanzo_ had me moaning and panting.

"Your robes you stupid monk." My voice didn't even sound like my own. I wanted his robes off but we were in a garden. I wanted privacy. It was the only thing I could think to say, my way of inviting him to my room.

"Inside." He turned as he said it. I followed him inside,past the dining room and kitchen, through the lower floor of the inn and up the stairs. Our rooms were together at the end of the hall, two on each side. Sanzo entered the last room on the right. I knew it would be mine. No way would Sanzo dirty his own sheets. I laughed out loud as I closed the door behind me.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothin' monk." I slipped my vest off, pulled the blue band from my head and began to put my hair back in a rubberband.

"Leave it." Sanzo's command made me grin.

"So you like the hair huh?"

"Shut up."

I was still grinning when Sanzo slammed his mouth onto mine. He was trying to take control. This was one time I wasn't going to let him.

I pulled my mouth away from his and grinned down at him.

"Get rid of the robes."

He began unpinning and pulling at his robes. They fell in a pool at his waist. I reached out and pushed them down over his hips. They slithered to the floor leaving him in his jeans and tight black shirt. The black sleeves on his arms had never looked so appealing. They were like a second skin. I reached out and ran my hands down his arms. I wasn't ready to touch his skin yet. I just couldn't wrap my mind around touching Sanzo's skin. His eyes flared a violent purple. They glittered in response to my touch. It was almost as if he was angry. It was enough to make me step back.

"Don't you dare," he growled at me.

That damn bastard was too good at reading people. "I'm not goin' anywhere."

I kissed him again, this time softly. I tried to take it slow even though my body was screaming for me to get into his skin. I wanted to make him want me as intensely as I wanted him. I wouldn't open my mouth to him when he tried to open to me. I kept pulling away and coming back gently, coaxing him to love me. I pulled away one last time and grinned down at him.

"Touch it."

It was Sanzo's turn to step back. My arms around his waist and hands at his back kept him from going anywhere.

"My hair."

"I knew what you meant asshole."

"Then touch it." He didn't move.

I leaned in closely to his ear and barely whispered. "What are you running away from?"

Without hesitation Sanzo's hands were in my hair pulling hard. His mouth was running over my neck, licking and sucking, leaving a trail of heat behind.

"Don't challenge me roach." He yanked down hard until I was on my knees. "You won't win."

I groaned. My hands were fumbling with his zipper trying to get it down. I couldn't move fast enough. My heart was racing, my breath was escaping from my lips in small pants. I had his zipper undone and pushed Sanzo's pants from his hips. Sanzo's cock rose hard and heavy in front of me. I wrapped my hand around him and reveled in the feel of finally touching his skin. My mouth was on his head without delay. I took my time, memorizing the feel of him in my mouth. He flooded my senses, took away all thought.

I licked and sucked him, wanting to give him pleasure. I _enjoyed_ it. I ran my teeth gently across the top of his length. Flattened my tongue and licked the head of his cock, down the underside of him and took him back into my mouth.

"Fuck Gojyo!"

I could have laughed out loud! Sanzo said my name. Gojyo. He said it and I _made _him say it. I continued to suck his cock making him writhe and groan. His hands went into my hair and it felt like a full victory. I could taste the bitter saltiness of Sanzo and I knew he was getting close. I pulled away with one last lick.

I sat back on my heels and looked up at Sanzo. That black top and the sleeves had to go. Maybe if I was lucky, I'd get another chance and I would fuck him while he still had them on, but for tonite I was not missing out on the only chance I may have to feel all of him.

"Don't look so proud of yourself."

I did laugh out loud this time. I stood up and stepped toward him.

"Take it all off Sanzo."

I watched him begin to roll the sleeves down his arms. The muscles in his arms flexed and released with each downward motion. My mouth was going dry at the thought of him removing his shirt.

"Stop staring water sprite."

I grinned. Sanzo was so predictible. He would be angry, even during sex. I pulled my shirt over my head and kicked my boots off. I wanted Sanzo to take my pants off for me, but I really wasn't going to push my luck. I opted to do it myself and when I was fully naked I looked at Sanzo to see his reaction.

Sanzo stood there completely naked and I forgot all I had been thinking. He really was like the sun. His body was thin and tight, well muscled...perfect. I shouldn't have expected any less. I was giddy with excitement. I would have Sanzo tonight. I would fuck him and fuck him well. I would make him moan my name so many times I would lose track. I would be inside that high and mighty monk and he would enjoy it. I knew I had a sly smile on my lips but I just couldn't control it. I took Sanzo in my arms and almost lost it when our bodies pressed against each other.

My hands ran over Sanzo's shoulders and down his back taking the time to feel each well toned muscle. Sanzo shuddered beneath my fingertips. His hands were locked in my hair, stroking and pulling, like he'd wanted to touch it for a long time. Why was everyone always so drawn to my hair? I pulled my mouth away from his and dropped small kisses along his jaw. Sanzo's breath was in my ear sending shivers up and down my body. I kissed his neck, sucking and placing small bites until I reached his collar bone. My tongue shot out and I licked the salty sweat on his skin. Tasting Sanzo like that pushed me over the edge. I grabbed him and turned, pushing him towards the bed. Sanzo growled into my mouth. God he was so hot.

I landed on top of him in the bed. My hands were running all over his body. I couldn't get enough of the feel of his skin. Sanzo's cock rubbed against my stomach and I could feel myself at his entrance. I wanted to push inside of him so bad. I wanted to take him roughly, to possess him, wanted him to know it was me. Sanzo was reaching up to pull my head down to his.

"You going to do it cockroach?"

I could have come right them. Sanzo was actually inviting me inside. I forced my finger into his mouth, wanting him to wet it for me. His tongue swirling on my fingertips sent fire through my veins. I couldn't take it and pulled my finger away. I let it rest at his entrance, then very slowly pressed it inside him. Sanzo's moan was so deep, so clear. It was earthy, like bells ringing through my passion fogged mind. He was already ready for me.

I positioned my self. Sanzo's cock lay between our bodies. I leaned down and kissed him deeply. My tongue shoved into his mouth as my cock invaded his body. Our groans combined as one leaving a deep resounding in our mouths. I couldn't stay still. Thoughts of Sanzo filled my head driving me beyond sanity. I pushed into him, filling him over and over. Sanzo was groaning beneath me. I wanted him to say my name. Wanted to hear it come from those lips that usually heaved insults upon me. I felt for his cock between our bodies. My hand wrapped around him, my thumb worked at the head, rubbing circles slowly. Sanzo bucked beneath me and I grinned against his mouth. That was what I was looking for. His cock was twitching in my hand. He was so close.

"Shit...shit Gojyo."

I released him from my hand, but didn't stop pumping inside him. God I didn't want him to come yet, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Gojyo," Sanzo groaned beneath me again. "Fuck, Gojyo, harder."

It was my turn to groan and I pushed inside him with all the strength I had. I could feel myself twitching, feel Sanzo tightening around me.

"Fuck, Sanzo."

I felt his release spill between us. The warmth of his fluids, the sound of his panting, and the feel of Sanzo's muscles working beneath me brought me my own release. I surged inside of him and collapsed in a heap on top of him.

I could feel Sanzo trying to control his breathing. I listened to his heart beating a crazy tattoo inside his chest. My own breathing was ragged and heavy. I rolled to move off of him and stretched out on the bed beside him. My feet dangled over the edge a little. The curse of being tall. I wanted to laugh out loud. I'd just fucked Sanzo and I was thinking about my height. I chuckled quietly to myself and threw my arms over my head.

"Don't say a damn thing."

Sanzo's response just made me laugh harder. Sanzo turned his head to look at me. It was more like he examined me. I stopped laughing when my eyes met his. I'd never seen that look before. He looked at me like, like he was _happy. _I rolled onto my side and threw an arm over him. He surprised me by settling against me, saying nothing about my arm. I closed my eyes and smiled. I guess I had found company for the night after all.

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A/N: Was that unexpected? Unexpected, but fun! Thanks again for any input, I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to let me know what they think. More to come...


	13. Chapter 13

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...but I do own all the DVDs and Manga! lol

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I grabbed the last of the dishes from the table and headed back into the kitchen. Goku was sweeping up the floor when I entered.

"Thanks for your help Goku. We just need to finish washing up these dishes and we can head upstairs."

"Hey Hakkai, let's see if Sanzo and Gojyo want to play some mahjong before bed."

What I really wanted was a chance to get Gojyo to myself. I had seen him walking around in the garden outside and I'd hoped I could finish cleaning up before he came back in. Goku was so excited though, maybe a game of mahjong would actually be fun. We always had a good time playing and drinking a few beers. It had been a while since we had a chance to play.

"Goku, why don't you go talk to the innkeeper and see if he has a set we could borrow?"

"Sure thing Hakkai!" Goku bounded from the kitchen intent on his task.

I sighed and went back to the dishes. The garden out back really was beautiful. Maybe if I had the chance to talk to Gojyo, we could sit outside together later in the night. Looking through the window above the kitchen sink, I let my eyes wander, seeking out Gojyo. I located him sitting beneath one of the willow trees...with _Sanzo_. I froze, dishwater running down my arms wetting my sleeves where I'd rolled them to my elbows. Gojyo was standing up, walking away. He was obviously angry about something. That wasn't too unusual considering it was Sanzo he was talking to, but this time Sanzo stood up and followed him.

I held my breath as Gojyo turned around to face Sanzo. I wondered what they were saying. Sanzo was moving forward, practically stalking Gojyo. Gojyo stood very still, cigarette in hand. When Sanzo leaned forward and kissed Gojyo, the world seemed to stop. Gojyo stood there with his back to me. I hated not being able to see the expression on his face. His body was rigid and he barely moved. And then, he dropped his cigarette. I knew that instant, Sanzo had him. I felt like I was going to throw up. I leaned over the sink and closed my eyes trying to catch my breath. I felt tears burning the backs of my eyelids.

I could hear Goku bouncing through the dining room calling out to me.

"Hakkai, hey Hakkaaaiii."

I tried to regain some measure of composure. I turned and went to meet Goku at the door, not wanting him to see what was going on in the garden. He almost ran into me in his excitment to tell me about the mahjong set.

"Oh! Sorry Hakkai! The owner had a set he said we could use. He said we could return it in the morning."

"That's good Goku. Why don't you run to your room and set it up." I needed to distract him.

"My room? Why not Sanzo's? We always hang out in Sanzo's room."

"And he doesn't like it very much does he Goku? You know he's been upset since..." I trailed off not wanting to bring up anything about a few night ago.

"Well, anyway, let's try something new for a change. It will be better to keep Sanzo happy, don't you think?" I smiled down at Goku and he nodded up at me, understanding in his eyes. Goku ran off to get the game set up.

I took a deep breath and walked back into the kitchen. I didn't want to look, but I had to know. From the window I could see Sanzo and Gojyo walking back toward the inn. I rushed to the dining room, hoping to catch them as they walked by. Sanzo walked by first with his head down. He had a definite agenda. Gojyo came shortly after, lecherous grin plastered on his face. Neither one noticed me as they walked by. All I could do was stand there in shock. I suppose Sanzo had given me warning, but Gojyo...Gojyo surprised me. I hoped Goku wouldn't walk out and see the two of them. I wasn't sure if he understood _that much_ but it was obvious the two of them were up to something. Goku would be suspicious. It was already going to be difficult to explain why we wouldn't be playing mahjong tonight.

Again I went back into the kitchen. I finished up the dishes while I stared at the spot in the garden where Gojyo and Sanzo had just been. I ran the events through my mind while I decided what I would do. I wouldn't say anything to Gojyo. I would let him decide when it would be the right time to talk. I could understand the pull Sanzo could have on a person.

I was just wiping up the last dish when Goku returned to the kitchen.

"Hey uh, Hakkai..."

I feared I already knew what Goku was going to say. I placed the dish I was drying into the cupboard and turned to Goku.

"Yes, Goku?"

"Do you think, well, think we could have a few snacks while we play?"

I laughed out loud in relief. I _really _should have known that's what Goku would want.

"We can have some snacks Goku, but why don't we take them to my room. I don't think we're going to be playing mahjong tonight."

"Awwww, it's that stupid water sprite isn't it? He's going back out again. I swear, all he ever does is drink and smoke."

I laughed at that. Goku had pretty much summed it up. "I don't know what he's doing Goku, I know he and Sanzo had a talk and I just feel it's best we leave the two of them out of our plans for the night." I picked up the bags of our remaining supplies. I knew there would be a few snacks in there to keep Goku occupied.

"Let's head upstairs, shall we?"

Goku and I walked side by side through the inn and up the stairs. My room was the next to last on the right side, across the hall from Sanzo. Goku opened the door for me and we went inside. I piled the bags of supplies on the small table in the center of the room.

"You can look through those for a snack if you'd like Goku."

"Alright! Thanks Hakkai!" Goku was immediately rummaging around for something to eat. Hakaryuu was already asleep on my bed. It was comforting to see him. I threw myself down on the bed, ready to relax after a busy and emotional day. Goku came over and plopped onto the opposite end of the bed, putting Hakaryu between us. He was eating from a bag of crackers and dropping crumbs all over my blanket. I sighed, too drained to really care about anything. Goku reached out and began petting Hakaryu's back.

"Hakkai?"

I sat up and leaned my back against the wall. "Yes Goku?"

"I know you don't really want to talk about this, but Sanzo won't talk to me and I definitely don't want to say anything to Gojyo but, I really just want to understand what's going on."

I closed my eyes, thinking about what I would say to Goku.

"Hakkai, I would prefer that you told me the truth."

My eyes flew open. I turned and looked at Goku. He had known I was trying to think of a way to tell him delicately what was going on. I should have known if he could ask a question like that, he deserved some real answers.

"I am in love with Gojyo..."

"Not Sanzo?"

"No Goku, I'm not in love with Sanzo. I was just...with Sanzo before."

"He says he's in love with you."

I was completely taken aback. "Sanzo!?"

"Yes. We talked about it the night Gojyo and I walked in on you and Sanzo. I didn't understand why Gojyo was so upset. He said you and Gojyo were together. He also told me he was in love with you."

I really wasn't sure what to think about that. Sanzo had told me he wanted Gojyo. Had he really been angry with me and was just trying to hurt me with those words?

"I didn't know Goku. He never told me. I always thought we were just together for the company. I'm not sure how to explain it to you."

"I think I get it Hakkai. I just don't understand why you were kiss...why you were with him that night if you're in love with Gojyo?"

I sighed. Goku really did understand more than we ever gave him credit for. If Sanzo knew I was having this conversation with him, he would shoot me.

"I don't either Goku. I guess he's hard to resist. We shared more than I can tell you about. Sometimes goodbyes are hard. It was just a big mistake. I really do love Gojyo though. I would like the chance to talk to him."

Goku nodded his head and sat back, shoving more crackers in his mouth. I knew he was thinking. I sat back against the wall. I would give Goku time to work things out in his mind. I was sure he would have more questions for me.

I was just beginning to lose myself in my own thoughts when a muffled sound came through the wall behind me. I jerked from my slouched position. Was that a laugh? Goku's eyes caught my own. I could see understanding in them. We both knew who's room would be on the other side of that wall.

"Hakkai?"

I shrugged at him, not wanting to say it aloud.

"Hakkai, I'm really sorry about everything. I'm sure when you talk to Gojyo, everything will go back to normal."

I smiled at him. "Goku, I'm not sure things will ever be _normal_ again, but I'm sure things will work themselves out."

Goku smiled and nodded at me. He arose from the bed, the empty cracker bag in his hand. He stood in front of me, looking off to the side.

"I'm going to my room. Think I'll get some sleep. I'm sure Sanzo will want to get going early...as usual."

"I'm sure you're right Goku. Have pleasant dreams."

Goku headed for the door. As he reached out to place his hand on the knob, another muffled sound came from the other side of the wall. This time, it was very obviously Gojyo's name. Goku froze in place.

"Hakkai..."

"I'm sure he picked up a woman while he was at the bar Goku. He's just hurting right now."

Goku didn't move. I'm sure he knew I was lying. His body was too stiff. He nodded and opened the door.

"Night." The door closed gently behind him.

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I lay in bed for the longest time listening to the sound of Sanzo moaning Gojyo's name. I couldn't think of a better punishment. I deserved to be forced to listen to his name repeated over and over from the lips of the man I had spent many nights with. I didn't even realize I had drifted to sleep when the silence woke me. I sat up in bed breathing hard. I would have given anything to find Gojyo in bed next to me, the whole thing just a bad dream. I took deep breaths trying to calm my body.

I was stunned when my bedroom door flew open. Goku was rushing in repeating my name over and over. I was out of bed in an instant.

"Goku? Goku, what's wrong?" I placed my hands on his shoulders. My monocle was on the table beside my bed so I couldn't see him very clearly. Even so I could tell something was very wrong.

"Hakkai! Sanzo's not in his room!" My hands dropped from his shoulders as I fumbled about for some sort of answer. I figured I must have looked very much like a fish.

"I couldn't sleep Hakkai. I thought I would go talk to him. I don't like for everyone to be so upset like this. I just...can't.....oh..."

At that moment, I knew Goku had finally caught on.

"Oh. He's in there, isn't he?"

I didn't say anything..._couldn't_ say anything.

"With Gojyo. He's in there with Gojyo, isn't he..._isn't he!"_

My mouth was dry, I tried to breathe. My answer came out quietly. I tried again.

"Yes...yes he is."

The distress on Goku's face was plain, even in the dark. "What is he thinking, Hakkai?" His voice was only a whisper. I didn't know which of the two he refered to.

I put my arms around Goku and pulled him to me. I held him closely. I could feel the anger and confusion in his rigid body.

"It must have hurt you so bad to know they were in there together yet, you were so worried about me and my feelings, you invited me into your room to take care of _me._"

Goku relaxed into me almost as if he were trying to comfort me now. I still couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say, even if I could. He hugged me tightly.

"I'm so sorry Hakkai."

Goku pulled away and walked silently out of the room.

I fell back into bed. I don't know how long I lay there looking up at a ceiling I couldn't quite see. I waited for sleep to overtake me, but it never came.

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A/N: Thanks for sticking with me through this. Reviews, comments, favorite adds are always appreciated. Special thanks once again to RadicalEd57. More at a later date! ~Ayaka


	14. Chapter 14

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...I do own a badass Saiyuki tattoo...LOL

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When I began to wake the next morning, I felt myself wrapped entirely around Hakkai. I groaned my happiness and snuggled my face closer into his neck. He felt so warm against my body. I felt myself growing hard and laughed. My voice sounded husky in my ears. A hand reached up to stroke my shoulder and I kissed the neck against my lips. I opened my eyes as I took a deep breath to inhale his scent. Blonde hair lay across the neck and ear before me. Startled from my sleepy thoughts I jerked back and away from the man I held in my arms.

Sanzo's violet eyes met mine. The entire night ran though my mind in waves. I groaned as I remembered it all.

"Sanzo?" My voice was still thick from sleep and cigarettes. Sanzo rolled away and out of the bed. He stood up and began slipping on his jeans. His back, which was presented to me, was a gorgeous sight to behold. I watched the muscles roll as he pulled his jeans over his hips and buttoned them. Sanzo ran his hand through his hair as his eyes scanned the room for his cigarettes.

"Over there." I pointed toward the pack laying on the floor to the side of the room. He was quick to pick them up. He sauntered back over to the bed, his eyes roamed over me as he flicked a cigarette out of the pack.

Sanzo sat down on the side of the bed and lit up. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. I wasn't quite sure how I felt. On one hand, it was quite thrilling to wake up next to Sanzo. The stupid monk was gorgeous. But the feeling of loss in my heart when I had discovered it was not Hakkai I had been wrapped around had me upset at the same time.

I sat up and pulled the sheet around my waist. I've never been modest but Sanzo hadn't said a word to me yet. I didn't know what kind of mood he was in or what to expect. I slid to the side of the bed to sit next to him. I wanted a cigarette, but I didn't want to get up. I looked at Sanzo. His head was turned toward me, watching me. His elbow was on his knee, cigarette between two long fingers. I reached out and took it from him. When I put the cigarette to my lips I felt a little tingle. Sanzo's lips had been in the same place mine now were. I inhaled deeply and smiled. It tasted like Sanzo.

I took another drag on the cigarette, not really wanting to give it back. I wasn't sure where to go from here. I looked straight ahead deciding if I would say anything or not. Sanzo leaned toward me and placed a gentle kiss on the top of my shoulder. I don't think I could have been more surprised. He stood up and grabbed the rest of his clothing from the floor.

"I'll see you at breakfast," he said.

Sanzo never even turned to look at me. He just went straight out the door. I exhaled a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and fell back against the bed. I looked at the ceiling again, lost in my thoughts of Sanzo and Hakkai. When I finished Sanzo's cigarette I stood up from the bed, leaving the sheet behind. A shower was what I needed.

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I was just stepping from my shower when I heard Gojyo turn his on. I turned and stared at the thin wall between us. Gojyo was just right there. If the wall hadn't been there, I could have reached out and touched him. I chuckled out loud. I hadn't missed the irony of the situation. I turned away and dried myself off. I stepped into my room and hurriedly put my clothing on. I needed to get downstairs to start on breakfast. I also wanted to check on Goku. I was hoping he wouldn't be awake yet. I felt the best thing for him would be breakfast as a group. He didn't need to be left alone to think. There was no telling what he would do. I was sure it didn't sit well that Gojyo had been with _his sun_.

When I made it downstairs I discovered Goku already working on his breakfast. He waved his hand to me and smiled an enormous smile.

"Morning 'Kai! Look at all this food!!" He waved his hand out behind him. A long table had been covered with every type of breakfast food imaginable.

"The inn actually makes breakfast for everyone!"

Leave it to Goku to be in a great mood when food was present. I walked to a side table and poured myself a cup of tea. I grabbed a small pastry from the layout of food and made my way back to the table Goku had chosen.

"How are you this morning Goku?" I took a sip from my tea and watched his reaction over the side of my cup. Except for a slight pause, he hardly reacted at all.

"Once I got back to sleep, I slept great." I was glad one of us had been able to sleep.

"That's good Goku." I took another sip, a little unsure of what to say.

"What about you Hakkai?" Goku had paused in his eating. I could see the concern in his eyes.

"I'm fine Goku. Nothing to concern yourself about." I gave him my usual smile. I could tell he wasn't convinced, but it was all I was going to say.

We continued our breakfast in an almost silence. A few "yums" and "this is really good" escaped from Goku but no real conversation was exchanged. I stood up from the table to pour myself another cup of tea. If this had been a normal day, I would have been concerned about the time. Sanzo would have already made his appearance and we would have been on our way. I was standing at the small table, my cup half full when Sanzo made his way down the stairs. To my surprise he was only in his jeans and sleeveless black top. I looked at the striking way his muscles were defined as he walked. I caught where my thoughts were headed and stopped myself. I walked back to the table reaching it at the same time as Sanzo.

"Good morning."

Goku sat stiffly looking up at Sanzo. "Sleep well Sanzo?"

I nearly dropped my cup of tea. I was surprised by Goku's fortitude. I sat down carefully in my seat and watched Sanzo for his reaction. He stood glaring down at Goku. I could see him trying to work things out in his mind. Goku's question paired with his obvious hostility confused him.

"Better than I have in awhile." Sanzo cleared his throat after answering. He looked around at all the food before looking over at me. "Tea any good?"

He knew that I knew, but about Goku? He had no idea. I would let Goku handle things when it was time. I had the feeling Goku would say something eventually.

I nodded to Sanzo. "It's quite delicious actually."

He nodded back and made his way to the table reserved for the tea. I turned my attention back to Goku. He was watching me with a scowl on his face.

"Why didn't you say somethin' Hakkai?"

"And what would you have me say Goku?"

"He was with _Gojyo_ last night!" Goku looked as if he would explode.

"Goku, listen, there's not anything I can do about it. They are both adults. There are just some things that need to be worked out. Now, at breakfast in a very public inn, is not the proper place for discussing these things."

Goku was watching Sanzo behind me. He nodded his understanding to me. I could see him gaining control of his anger. I reached out and ruffled his hair.

"The time will come Goku."

He smiled at me. "You're right Hakkai. As usual!"

I let out a laugh as Sanzo reappeared at the table.

"What are you two laughing about?" Sanzo's voice was stern. It actually made me laugh again.

"Nothin' Sanzo." Goku's smile was huge across his face. It amazed me how quickly he could change his emotions.

"Hey Sanzo, why aren't you wearing your robes?" Goku began shoveling food into his mouth again.

"I thought we'd spend the day here."

Goku's hand froze in mid scoop. His look was one of disbelief. I really felt like laughing again. The byplay between the two was really amazing.

"You mean, like...take a day off?" Shock didn't even describe the look on Goku's face.

"Yes Goku. This is a large town and we have rooms at a nice inn. We can get the supplies and rest that we've been badly needing." Sanzo opened his newspaper, effectively cutting off the conversation.

Goku looked over at me with large eyes. "He must have really had some good _sleep _last night!"

I choked on the tea I was swallowing causing Goku to laugh uproariously. Goku never even had a chance. Sanzo's fan was out and whacking the back of his head like magic.

"Stupid monkey."

Goku rubbed the back of his head. "That hurt!" He stuck his tongue out as soon as Sanzo disappeared behind his newspaper again.

I sat quietly and finished the rest of my tea. It was a beautiful day out. I would find a nearby bookshop and buy a new book. The garden behind the inn would be a nice place to read and spend some time resting. Maybe Goku would like a picnic out there around lunch time. I drifted off into my plans for the day trying to avoid thinking of anything else.

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A/N: Hello everyone! I want to take a minute once again to say how thankful I am for all your support!! Reviews, favorites, etc. are so appreciated that I can't even explain it in words. I'm doing my best to keep you interested in this story...let me know if you still are! ~Ayaka


	15. Chapter 15

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki! (But I admit, Saiyuki owns me.)

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I stepped from the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist. The sun was shining brightly through my window. I knew it had to be getting pretty late. I was surprised Sanzo hadn't been by to bitch about leaving. I tossed the towel to the floor and threw on some clothes. I plopped down on the bed to put my boots on. Laying near the pillows was Sanzo's pack of cigarettes. It was the only indication that Sanzo had been with me the night before. I grinned as I pocketed the smokes. I'd keep them and smoke one later. Sanzo would understand when he saw me. As I headed out the door, I had a hard time getting the grin to leave my face.

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Downstairs in the dining room I found Sanzo sitting alone at a table reading his newspaper. I was surprised Hakkai and Goku were no where to be found.

"Oi, Monk, where are the other two?" I kicked out the chair across from him and sat down. Sanzo tilted the top half of his paper down and looked over it.

"Hakkai said something about the book shop..."

"Oh. And Goku?"

"He went with him."

"Goku? Goku went to the bookshop with Hakkai?" I was suprised and I'll admit it, a little jealous. Hakkai had been spending more time with the monkey. I guess that was to be expected.

"They were talking about a picnic afterwards."

"Sooo, I guess we're spending the day here?"

Sanzo folded up his paper and placed it on the table. He flicked the glasses from his face and they disappeared under the table. "Wanna grab a smoke?"

I hopped up from the table and realized how goofy I looked. I was a little embarrassed to appear so eager to go smoke with Sanzo. I let out a short laugh. Sanzo stood up with his usual grace and we headed to the front of the inn. I watched the roll of his hips as we made our way through the inn. I was captivated by the movement. His black shirt, snug against his muscles, only helped to enhance his movements. I stretched my legs a little to move up quickly beside Sanzo. I ran my hand lightly down his back and leaned over to whisper to him.

"You're so fucking hot in that shirt." He kept walking, unfazed by my compliment.

"Ch. You and Hakkai."

I stopped short. My heart was slamming in my chest. I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I'd been trying so hard not to think of that. Hakkai with Sanzo. My anger was growing.

"What's your problem?" Sanzo had stopped ahead. He was looking right at me.

I stood there, just looking back at him. I couldn't respond. I didn't know what I would have said anyway...I was fucking Sanzo too...behind Hakkai's back. Sanzo's amethyst gaze pierced straight to my heart. I needed to make some sort of goddamn decision. Sanzo turned away and continued walking.

I followed.

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The first cigarette of the day always cheers me up. No matter what may have just happened, what mood I may be in, the second that amazing smoke fills my lungs and the nicotine races through my bloodstream life becomes good. I leaned against a tree in front of the inn and happily smoked my cigarette. Sanzo's shoulder touched the top of my arm. He also was against the tree. He had one knee bent, foot resting against the base. God, he was beyond perfect. There were no words to describe the line of his body. I was going to have a constant hard-on looking at him all day. I almost wished he would put his robes back on.

I tilted my head back against the tree and looked up at the sky. I let my right arm drop to my side and rested the back of my hand against Sanzo's leg. I thought about how, under normal circumstances, Sanzo would have never allowed the familiarity. He let his shoulder touch me on purpose. It was like he was happy to be with me. I let the cigarette dangle from my lips as I daydreamed. Sanzo continued to stare straight forward. I would have given anything to know what was going on in his mind.

Sanzo took one last drag on his cigarette and tossed it to the ground. He pushed away from the tree and turned toward me. I cut my eyes to look over at him.

"I'm headed to the bath house." I watched him as he walked off. He turned after a few steps. "You _are_ coming right?"

I grinned, cigarette still dangling from my lips, and shoved my hands in my pockets as I followed after him. Hell yeah I was going! No way was I going to pass up a chance to check out Sanzo naked. My body got all tingly just thinking about it.

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The baths were very nice. Nicer than most anyway. We didn't go through large towns like this often. It seemed like there were more and more small villages. People were having a hard time getting by since problems with the demons had begun popping up. The baths were fairly quiet. There were only a few people here and there. I could hear only a few conversations around me. If I could have had a cigarette, life would have been perfect.

I leaned back and relaxed in the steaming water. Sanzo sat nearby with his eyes closed. I wondered if he was sleeping. We hadn't spoken much. I wasn't sure what to talk about anyway. My relationship with Sanzo had pretty much been limited to yelling, name calling and starting last night, fucking. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift.

What the hell was I doing with Sanzo anyway? Was it the pleasure in knowing I had a bit of control over the damn monk? He was definitely beautiful. I never could deny myself pleasure with a beautiful woman. Maybe it was the same with men. Hakkai...Hakkai was beautiful too. But it was such a different kind of beauty. When I looked at him, my heart felt full. With Sanzo, I just wanted to rip his clothes off and shove myself inside of him. I sighed out loud. I understood, I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

I was surprised when I felt something on my thigh under the water. I opened my eyes and looked at Sanzo. His eyes were still closed. It was most definitely a foot, _Sanzo's foot_, sliding up my thigh and resting at my hip. I sort of gulped in air. I didn't know how to respond. I felt the blood pulsing to my cock. I paused as I lifted my hand, then gently put it on his foot. Even his foot was perfection. I ran my fingers across the top of it and out over his leg. I shivered a little as I felt the silky hair on his leg. I closed my eyes and savored the feel of him. His leg felt so strong under my hand. I was never going to be able to get out of the water.

When I opened my eyes again, Sanzo was looking at me. I wasn't going to look away. I studied the purple depths, wishing I could understand him. I wanted to fuck him so bad. Was that all he really wanted with me too? I couldn't believe the liberties he'd allowed me so far. Sanzo slowly pulled his leg away from me. He arose from the water. The water ran in small streams down his chest. He had that cocky smirk on his face as he looked down at me. My eyes settled on his semi-hard dick. The blood rushed like fire through my veins. I wanted to grab him and take him right there. That goddamn monk knew what he was doing.

Sanzo grabbed his towel from the small shelf beside the bath. He wrapped it around his lean waist and sauntered off into the dressing room. I sat there alone trying to catch my breath. There was no way I was going to stand up while I was still so damn hard. It was painful. I closed my eyes and tried to think of horrible things. All I could think of was the water running down his chest, down to...shit! I looked around. The bath really was pretty empty. Fuck it. I stood up and moved as quickly as I could to grab my towel. I had it wrapped around my waist in record time.

I stormed off into the changing room. I was gonna give that damn baldy a piece of my mind. I came in through the doorway and looked around. No Sanzo. I stepped in a little farther.

"Sanzo?"

I walked toward the small sinks. As I turned the corner I was slammed hard against the wall. Sanzo's hands were rough on my arms. His lips came down on mine, his tongue invading my mouth. It was instant heat. His hands tore through my hair, pulling my head back. He released my mouth and bit into my neck. The blood was pounding through my veins. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to catch my breath. Sanzo pushed me to the side hard and we fell through to a small room behind a curtain. I was slammed against the wall again as Sanzo reached out behind him to fully close the curtain.

"Sanzo," I was starting to moan.

"Don't talk." He was turning me around. My cheek was pressed flat against the cool tiles of the wall.

Sanzo's hands were skimming over my shoulders and down my back. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to moan out loud. He pressed his hard length between my ass. His chest was flush with my back. Sanzo kissed my shoulder while his arms were wrapped around my body. He squeezed my nipples and licked along my neck. I shuddered and bit my lip. Sanzo's breath was like a whisper along my skin as he chuckled. He knew what he was doing to me, was enjoying it. I heard a small whimper escape from my lips and he bit into my shoulder. I held back a small cry and shuddered again. His fingers began exploring my ass. He pulled away from me slightly and I could feel his eyes on me. I was still wet from the bath and Sanzo was making me sweat. I heard a little pop and saw Sanzo with a small bottle in his hands. Proof that this had all been planned. I was beyond caring where the balm had come from. All I cared was that he use it to get inside me as quickly as possible.

I watched Sanzo from the corner of my eye as he used the balm to slick the length of his cock. I could have come from watching those slender fingers run up and down his skin. I looked up to his face and I could see excitment there. I bit back another groan at the thought of Sanzo pleasuring himself. Quickly Sanzo leaned his whole body against me again. He placed one hand on my shoulder as he guided himself inside my body. I groaned and his hand moved from my shoulder to cover my mouth. He pressed his full length inside me and I was glad for the restraint of his hand. His other arm shot out around my waist, his fingers fanned out on my belly. I leaned my forehead against the wall and let him pull me back and forth with the arm around my waist.

With every pump, Sanzo's hand became tighter around my mouth. He pushed so hard my head snapped back and I found myself resting my head back against his shoulder as he pounded away behind me. The muscles in my body were screaming. If I could have spoken I would have _begged_ Sanzo to touch my cock. I felt his entire body tighten. The groan that escaped from Sanzo's lips as he came inside me made my heart thump even harder. Even the great Sanzo couldn't keep all sound from passing through his lips. I grinned as he released my mouth. His hand wandered down to my cock and I let out a low moan.

Sanzo slowly began to work my cock with his long fingers. I pressed my ass back against him and leaned forward to lay my forehead against the wall again. I could watch Sanzo's hand wrapped around my cock as he pumped back and forth. It didn't take long at all before I was coming in his hand. He actually placed a small kiss between my shoulder blades. It was that kiss that brought me back to reality. It seemed so out of character for him.

I turned quickly and sat down on the bench against the opposite wall. I looked up at Sanzo and I just couldn't control my laugh. He looked so breathless. I liked seeing the perfect Sanzo ruffled. He sat down hard next to me. I stretched my legs out. They reached the wall opposite that I had just been fucked against. I couldn't believe Sanzo had fucked me in this small changing room.

"I need a cigarette."

"So romantic, my Sanzo!" I laughed again.

"Be quiet you stupid water sprite. You really want someone to find us here?"

I laughed again and grabbed his hand in mine. I brought it to my lips and kissed him gently on his knuckles. I dropped our hands together onto my lap. To my _enormous_ suprise, he left it there. We sat there in silence a moment longer before he finally pulled away. Sanzo stood up, pausing only for a moment before walking through the curtain.

"I'll meet you out front."

I grinned to myself and sat there for a minute, giving him time to get away and get dressed. I really wanted that cigarette too. I thought of Sanzo's pack that was still in my pocket. They would be my choice once I made it outside. I smiled to myself one last time as I stood up and pulled back the curtain. A man jumped back in suprise as I stepped out. He must have seen Sanzo come out. The confusion was written all over his face. I gave him my best Sha Gojyo grin and headed to put my clothes on.

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A/N: Thanks so much for your patience in between chapters! I am my own beta so I'm sorry if there are any errors in my stories. Once again, I apologize for any "nites" that may be found throughout! I'm trying my hardest to keep the guys in character. Sometimes it's hard. I think everyone sees them in a different light, depending on how you read the manga or interpret their actions in the anime. As long as you're enjoying my story, then I am VERY happy! Thanks again for reviews/adds! More soon...


	16. Chapter 16

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki.

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I wondered where Sanzo and Gojyo were as I spread a cloth underneath a tree beside the beautiful koi pond. I enjoyed watching the fish glide through the water as I sat the different dishes on the cloth. It was a little depressing to think I would only be sharing this meal with Goku but it was better than being alone right now. I missed Gojyo. I did not want to think of him with Sanzo. I could understand how badly I had hurt him now that our roles were reversed. In truth, I had no right to be upset. I had no true claim to him. We had made no real promises. I was the only one who had mentioned love.

I sighed out loud as I stood up. I looked toward the back door of the inn and wondered what was keeping Goku. I had sent him upstairs to check for Sanzo and Gojyo. I didn't think they would be there or I wouldn't have sent him up. If they were in a room alone together, it was something Goku should not see. I knew the whole thing was bothering him. I wished I understood what he was thinking. I really wasn't sure with Goku anymore. We saw him as just a boy but in all honesty, he had grown up. I looked back to the meal spread out on the cloth. It really looked delicious. As soon as Goku came back down, we'd go ahead and eat.

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I was just beginning to worry when Goku came wandering outside. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"I could smell everything from inside Hakkai! We really picked out some good food today."

I grinned back at him. "We did Goku. It's a shame you'll have to eat most of this yourself."

He laughed out loud and took a spot across from me. "I actually had fun at the bookstore Hakkai. Not as much fun as buying the food, but it was still interesting."

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself Goku. It's good for us to take some time off like this. I..."

"Hope you guys saved enough for me!"

Surprised, I turned around. Gojyo was walking toward us, cigarette dangling from his lips, hands deep in his pockets. I couldn't control my smile. It made me angry that I could be so happy to see him.

"Gojyo! We didn't think you guys would make it! Where's Sanzo?" Goku was practically bouncing.

"Eh? What makes you think I know where Sanzo is?"

Gojyo's hands slipped from his pockets as he sat down next to me. He took the cigarette from his lips after inhaling deeply. Goku sat staring intensely at him. I watched the two of them. I saw the light in Gojyo's eyes as he realized Goku knew. His head turned slowly toward me. Our eyes caught and held for a moment. I did not turn away. I saw the emotion flicker in his eyes and he turned away first. At least he knew now. Gojyo flicked the ash from his cigarette as he grabbed a beer.

"He went to his room. He'll be down in a second."

He opened the can and took a deep gulp. The silence between the three of us was piercing. I cleared my throat and reached for a beer.

"I'm going to go talk to him." Goku started to stand up.

Gojyo put his cigarette into his empty can. "Don't."

Goku froze in place. The fury on his face was quite evident. "You damn..."

"Goku, why don't you try one of the meatbuns. You were so excited about them earlier." I picked one up and tossed it to him. Goku looked at me and I saw him gain control of his anger. We spoke to each other through our eyes. He knew it wouldn't be good to confront Sanzo. What would he really say anyway?

Gojyo grabbed a pair of chopsticks and began tossing food into his mouth. Goku sat quietly nibbling on his meatbun. I looked up at the sky. I had really hoped we would be able to have a normal mealtime for once. I looked back at Gojyo and watched him eat his food. Regardless of what may have happened between Sanzo and Gojyo, I knew that I still felt the same about Gojyo. I couldn't erase the past, the things we had shared. I knew him better than anyone else in the world. The question was, what or who did Gojyo want?

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I grabbed another beer from the pack Hakkai had bought. I popped it open and took a drink. Getting drunk sounded good to me. I couldn't believe Goku and Hakkai knew about... Damn! I should have known they would figure it out. We did disappear the night before. When I came down to breakfast this morning and the two of them were gone, I shoulda known then. Hakkai had been trying to find time alone with me so we could talk since I discovered him with Sanzo. I'd known that's what he wanted and I'd been avoiding him at all costs. I shoulda figured he would know where I was last nite. Damn! Damn! I didn't want this. My second beer was already gone. I reached for another and opened it too. What the hell would I say to Hakkai now?

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I watched Gojyo grab his third beer. It was the best indication that he was upset. He didn't even realize how quickly he was drinking. It was just like him to think he could drown out his thoughts with alcohol. I knew the second Sanzo stepped from the backdoor of the inn. Goku's entire body went rigid. Gojyo's hand squeezed tighter around his beer. I turned my head and waved.

"Sanzo! Glad you could join us." Goku and Gojyo both turned quickly to look at me. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. What the hell did they want me to do?

Sanzo sat down across from Gojyo. Their eyes met for only a second before Sanzo was lighting a cigarette and grabbing a beer.

"You have fun at the bookstore?" Sanzo was looking at Goku, obviously wanting an answer from him.

Goku looked up at him. "Yeah, Hakkai showed me some really neat books."

It was hard to read what was in his eyes. Sanzo just nodded his head and took a drink of his beer. Goku went back to shoveling food in his mouth.

Gojyo was reaching out for a fourth beer. I placed my hand gently on his arm. He reacted as if my hand were made of fire. I grasped him a little tighter, not allowing him to pull away.

"The tea is especially delicious today." I smiled up at him.

His head snapped back and he managed to pull his arm away. We sat silently staring at each other. He understood what I was trying to tell him. Goku and Sanzo sat quietly watching the two of us. It was making Gojyo anxious to be under such scrutiny. He dug in his pockets for his cigarettes. I made a small sound of surprise when he pulled the Marlboros from his pocket. He looked down at his hand and saw what he was holding. His eyes flitted to mine and I laughed out loud. He scowled at me and in a small act of defiance, he pulled a cigarette out of the pack, placed it between his lips and lit it.

"Ch."

It was a typical response from Sanzo, about as much as I expected from him. I continued to smile as I poured a cup of tea for Gojyo. Our fingers brushed as I handed him the small cup. I kept the smile plastered across my face. I didn't want to betray the feelings that were rushing through my body in waves.

Gojyo glared at me with his cigarette dangling from his lips. I continued sipping my own beer as I watched him from the corner of my eye.

"Sanzo, are we leaving in the morning?"

"Yeah, we've had enough delays."

"Then why'd you decide to stop here an extra day?" Goku just didn't know when to keep quiet.

Gojyo smacked Goku on the back of his head. "Cause everyone needs a break sometimes you stupid monkey!"

"Hey! Screw you, you pervy water sprite!" Goku was up on his knees reaching for Gojyo.

"Stay away from me asshole!" Gojyo was slapping Goku's hands away.

Goku's roar of anger was surprising as he jumped on Gojyo and slammed him back onto the ground. The two were rolling around on the ground throwing punches. It was hard to tell who was more angry. The fight had obviously progressed to more than just the usual out of boredom.

"Goku...Gojyo!" I was beginning to shout. I was on my knees trying to pry the two of them apart when the gun shot went off quite loudly in the air.

Goku and Gojyo flew apart instantly. Gojyo sat up, breathing hard, and wiped the blood away from his mouth. Goku sat back on his heals and ran his hand through the back of his hair.

"What the hell are you two doing!?" Sanzo's anger was quite marked. "What's the damn problem? Can't we ever eat a goddamn meal in peace?"

"Your fucking monkey is the one who jumped me Sanzo!"

"Shut the hell up Gojyo!" Goku was ready to spring again.

Another shot went off into the air. "Shut it you two!" Sanzo was still fuming.

"Dammit Sanzo!" Goku was storming off into the inn. Sanzo turned and looked at me. I looked right back at him. I refused to say a single thing.

"_FUCK_!" Sanzo growled as he turned and followed after Goku.

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A/N: Once again, my reviewers have made me happy. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my stories and I doubly appreciate some sort of add or feedback. Super special thanks to the readers who review more than once!!! Lots of love to you all. RadicalEd57: ~thank you


	17. Chapter 17

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...it's enough to make me cry.

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I watched Sanzo disappear into the inn before turning back to Gojyo. He sat with his feet flat on the ground, knees bent, head hanging between them. His sigh was loud as he ran his hand over his face and pushed his hair back from his eyes. He flopped back onto the ground staring up at the sky.

"Alright Hakkai, let's have it."

I couldn't control the laugh that escaped from my lips. This was so like Gojyo. Expecting a reprimand, a fight, my anger. I hated to disappoint him, but he wasn't going to get it. I moved to sit next to him on the grass. I crossed my legs and leaned back supporting myself with my arms. I looked down at Gojyo wanting to see his eyes. He had his arm flung across his face. I could see his chest expand with every breath he took. It seemed pretty unsteady. I felt like laughing again. Gojyo was actually nervous.

I let the silence stretch on. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I knew what Gojyo wanted me to say. He wanted me to be angry, to berate him for doing something so stupid. I wanted to shake him and tell him how deeply I loved him. I looked up at the sky. It really was a beautiful day. Last night I had wanted to spend time in this garden with Gojyo. Now that I had him here, I did not know what to do with him.

Gojyo sighed loudly and sat up. I pushed up into a better sitting position next to him. Our arms were pressed lightly together. It felt good to be so close to him again.

"Say what you have to say Hakkai. Better now than later."

"What would you have me say Gojyo?"

I paused momentarily.

"Do you want me to yell? Is it easier for you if I'm angry?" I tried to keep my voice calm, tried to keep my smile in place. The truth was, at that moment, I really did want to yell. I wanted to cry and weep. I wanted Gojyo to say he loved me. "You don't owe me anything Gojyo. If anything, I am the one who owes _you._"

Gojyo started to interrupt. I raised my hand between us to stop him. "It's true Gojyo. You saved my life and took me in to your home. You opened up to me and allowed me to live again. You owe me nothing. You need to do what makes you happy."

Gojyo's sudden anger surprised me. "_God dammit _Hakkai! How can you always do that? You put everyone else's happiness before your own."

"And what makes you think you would know what would make me happy Gojyo?"

Gojyo looked down at the ground and fumbled in his pockets for his cigarettes. He pulled the Marlboros out again and growled. He crushed the box in his fist and tossed it to his small pile of empty beer cans. The metallic sound of the cans hitting together rang loudly in the air. He leaned forward and grabbed an unopened beer, popped the top and took a drink. Reaching into his other pocket he found the pack of Hi-Lites he'd originally been searching for. With a lit cigarette between his lips and a beer in hand Gojyo visibly relaxed.

"Ash trays instead of beer cans...watching people enjoy food that you've cooked." Gojyo stopped to take a drink from his beer. My heart raced as I waited. "The sound of the spine cracking when you first open a new book. The morning sun after a night of rain. Freshly washed sheets on the bed. Removing your monocole after an entire day on the road. Fresh brewed tea..." Gojyo looked up at me, looked right into my eyes and took the cigarette from his lips. "Seeing me walk through the door after I've been gone all night long."

He said it so matter of fact, with no fear in his voice. I couldn't stop the hitch in my breath. Couldn't stop the tear that ran from the corner of my eye. I reached up and brushed it away, turning my head from Gojyo in the process.

"And Sanzo...does he also make you happy?" he questioned.

I inhaled deeply and choked on the tears that were threatening. I heard him take another drink from his beer.

"Happy? No, not happy. He was a comfort to me when I needed solace."

"Why didn't you come to me Hakkai?"

"When you were in the arms of some woman? Come to you when it was your arms I wanted around me, but not only in comfort?"

He knew I was right. We both knew he would have never accepted me if the time were not right. The time probably wasn't even right now for all I knew. It was hard for Gojyo to think himself in love with a man.

"No Hakkai, you're right. But why did you run to _Sanzo_?"

"I didn't _run_ to Sanzo. It just...happened. Sanzo has his own issues he needs to work out. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with finding a sort of peace with him. He knew the whole time what was truly in my heart. I suspect he is working through some feelings of his own." I peered from the corner of my eye to gauge Gojyo's reaction. He continued to smoke and drink, lost in thoughts of what I had just told him.

"And you Gojyo, why did you run to Sanzo?"

When Gojyo looked up I could see the pain in his eyes.

"He really wanted me Hakkai...it hurt so damn bad knowing he had you. I don't know why I let him get to me. No, that's not true. The high and mighty priest wanted me, Gojyo. I couldn't pass that up. I couldn't walk away even knowing how bad it hurt me for you to be with him. I turned around and did it to you. Maybe I did it just so you could see how it feels."

"It hurts."

"I know." He put his cigarette out in his empty can. "Sorry."

That sorry meant so many things. I squeezed my eyes shut. Gojyo was sitting so close to me. I could feel his warmth, smell the cigarettes. There was a breeze blowing through the garden. I could hear the leaves rustling on the trees, the water swirling in the pond. I did not want to lose him. Gojyo's strong hand on my arm begged for me to open my eyes. When I did, I met his piercing crimson stare.

"I'm sorry Hakkai."

"I am too." My apology was just a whisper. His face was just inches from mine. The breeze was blowing wisps of his stunning hair across his face. I _missed_ this. His hair, his eyes, his face. I wanted them to be mine. He grinned that Gojyo grin at me and my heart stuck in my throat. He laughed out loud and flung himself back onto the ground again. He was lighting up another cigarette and smiling up at the sky.

"Your lip is still bleeding a little."

"Huh?" Gojyo reached up to feel at his lip.

"Does it hurt? It's starting to swell a little."

"Nah, it's nothin'." He looked at the blood on his fingertips and rubbed it away between his fingers. "I think I'll live."

"Are you sure? I can heal it for you. It will only take me a second."

Gojyo sat up laughing. "It's just a scratch. Bet it doesn't hurt as bad as that blow I landed on the monkey's ribs!"

I leaned in closely effectively cutting off Gojyo's laughter. "Only a second..."

His breathing sped up while I held mine, waiting for him to give me a sign, to make some sort of movement.

"Gojyo?" I questioned him quietly.

"_Fuck.."_ It was more of a groan than an actual word as his lips caressed mine.

I closed my eyes trying to take in every scent, feeling, movement that he made. I wanted to burn this kiss into my memory in case there would never be another. This kiss...this was happiness. My lips on Gojyo's, the taste of him in my mouth, the feel of him on my finger tips, the scent of him on the breeze. That was what made me happy. I smiled as he opened his mouth to me. My tongue invaded his mouth, tasted everything that was distinctly Gojyo. I stroked his tongue with mine, ran my tongue over his teeth, the roof of his mouth. I explored all of him. When I pulled away, I focused my energy on his lip. Kept my lips on his, gently tugging, enjoying the feel of him as I healed the cut that Goku had given him.

When I ended the kiss I felt the energy still on my lips. Joy pulsed through my body. I had finally kissed Gojyo again and it had been better than anything I remembered. I sat back and smiled happily. Gojyo still had his lit cigarette between his fingers. There wasn't much of it left.

"I may just piss that stupid monkey off again..."

I laughed out loud. It was a big, full laugh. It felt so good.

"You don't have to get hurt Gojyo. All you have to do is ask."

Gojyo's hand was in the back of my hair. His lips were at my ear. "I may just ask you later. This way, you have time to make your choice." He placed a gentle kiss on my limiters and moved to begin clearing away the food from the picnic.

I sat for a moment, stunned by Gojyo's words. He was giving us both a few hours to make some decisions. I leaned over to help clean up our mess, my mind was going over all the possibilities. I knew what my decision would be. Was Gojyo trying to tell me he had already made his?

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A/N: These guys really need to figure something out eh? Thanks for everything to all my readers! More on it's way...


	18. Chapter 18

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki!

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Goku practically sprinted up the stairs to his bedroom at the end of the hall. He tried to pretend there weren't tears sneaking from his eyes but the wetness on his cheeks told a different story. He threw the door to his room open and slammed it shut hard behind him. His breathing was hard as his chest expanded and contracted in ragged movements. He wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. Standing in the middle of his rented room, Goku looked blankly out the window letting his anger rush through his body. Lost so deeply in his anger, Goku didn't hear the door open. It wasn't like Sanzo was trying to be quiet, it was just that Goku was so _consumed_.

Sanzo stood in the doorway, his hand still on the knob as he studied Goku. He could see the anger tightening Goku's body. His hands were balled tightly into fists at his side, legs were locked, his back was stiff. Anger probably couldn't describe what Goku was feeling. Sanzo pulled a cigarette from the pack in his pocket. The small click of the lighter shook Goku from his reflection. He whirled on his feet, surprise at seeing Sanzo leaning against his doorway flickered across his face. Goku quickly corrected himself and forced his emotions down into the pit of his stomach where they settled heavily.

"Sanzo." There was no question, no surprise, no _excitement_ to the simple statment of Sanzo's name. Sanzo pushed from the doorway and gently closed the door behind him. The almost silent snick of the door closing caused Goku to step back in nervousness. Sanzo moved to stand before him, cigarette in hand. He reached out to place his other hand on Goku's head but the brunette stepped back out of his reach. Sanzo barely contained his astonishment at Goku's movement.

"Goku,"

"Don't say a damn thing to me Sanzo."

Annoyance flashed in Sanzo's eyes as Goku turned to the side.

"Go ahead Sanzo, smack me with that stupid fan of yours. Pull out your little gun, threaten me. You can yell all you want, it's not going to change anything."

Goku watched from the corner of his eyes as Sanzo calmly walked to the small table at the foot of the bed and dropped his cigarette into the juice can that sat there. Sanzo turned and leaned his hip against the table to look at Goku. He wanted so badly to yell, to threaten, to hit something, but Goku expected it, therefore he chose to remain calm.

"What if I don't want to change anything Goku?" Sanzo asked calmly.

Goku's rage flared through his entire body. "You actually _want_ to be with that roach? You _want_ him in your bed? Hakkai...Hakkai I can understand a little easier, but _Gojyo!?"_

"It's none of your business Goku."

"It _is_ my business Sanzo! You've made it everyone's business. I _heard_ you last night." Goku's voice was steadily getting louder with each statment made.

Sanzo pushed angrily away from the table causing the can to rattle in his wake. He hadn't even made it halfway to the door before Goku was yelling again.

"That's just like you Sanzo. You always walk away from me when things get too close to the truth!"

Sanzo stopped midstep and froze. Still turned away from Goku he reined in the yell that threatened from the back of his throat.

"What is it, _Goku_, that you're wanting to say to me?"

There was a short silence as Goku gathered his wits about him. He'd provoked Sanzo, knew better than to challenge him, but he just hadn't wanted him to walk out that door.

"You're going to tear this group apart Sanzo." Goku tried not to cry as the truth slipped from his lips. He wanted to prove so badly to Sanzo that he was no longer a kid. Tears would not help his case.

"You said you're in love with Hakkai. Why are you sleeping...what about Gojyo? Don't you know what you're doing to the two of them?"

Sanzo twisted to face Goku. "I _said _it's _none_ of your business Goku!"

"And _I_ said it _is!_ We can't continue this way. We'll never make it to India with _this_ going on."

"Ch."

"Sanzo! Please...talk to me! Don't keep me out. You treat me like I'm some stupid little kid."

"Goku, you _are_ a kid."

"No, Sanzo, I'm not. I'm not anymore."

The two had steadily taken steps toward each other as they had fought. Sanzo suddenly became aware of how close he'd come to Goku. If Sanzo reached his hand out, he could have touched the little chimp. He took a small step back as he looked down at the angry demon. He could feel the fury sparking from Goku in swells. He watched as Goku tried to control his heavy breathing, his usually golden eyes polluted with darkness.

"Goku..."

"No, Sanzo...if you love Hakkai, tell him. Tell him and let him make that decision. Don't hurt him with Gojyo..."

Goku had gained a measure of control over his breathing. His eyes however were still cloudy as he searched the violet of Sanzo's.

"Goddammit Goku!" Sanzo thrust himself further away from Goku. "I am _not_ in love with Hakkai."

Goku's carmel eyes slid shut as he listened to Sanzo's shouted confession.

"And before you say anything else stupid, I am not in love with Gojyo."

Goku's eyes startled open as he realized what Sanzo was saying. He was shocked into silence, didn't want to be thinking his _sun...his very reason for exisiting, _was...

"What were you thinking Sanzo?" Goku's voice was just a whisper as he echoed the question he'd asked Hakkai the night before.

"It's called _fucking_," Sanzo growled breathlessly.

It took every inch of control for Goku to hold back the fist that wanted to plant itself firmly into the center of Sanzo's face. He wanted to shake the monk until he'd gained some sense. He dashed toward Sanzo, almost knocking him off balance as he grabbed the blonde's arms.

"Sanzo, what you're doing is _fucking_ them both over. Worse, you're _fucking_ yourself over."

"Don't touch me Goku."

"_I'm not letting you go Sanzo_."

Sanzo looked down into the eyes of the man who held him so tightly. The feeling in his stomach sent a shock through his body. At some point, Goku...Goku had become _more._ They stood there, strong hands wrapped around pale arms, Sanzo's amethyst eyes trying to read Goku's honeyed ones.

Sanzo's head dipped at the same time Goku stretched to meet him. Their lips touched gently for all the rage that had filled the room just moments before. Sanzo could feel the timidity in Goku's body as his anger subsided. He pushed Goku a little further, encouraging the shorter man to lean into the kiss. Goku tentatively placed his hands on Sanzo's chest, half expecting to be attacked by that stupid, stupid paper fan. Instead, he was astonished when Sanzo moaned into him and felt lips begin to open beneath his own. Encouraged, Goku moved his hands up Sanzo's chest to wrap his arms around the monk's graceful neck. Feeling a little shy, Goku opened his mouth to allow Sanzo entry.

Sanzo's deep growl covered the quiet yelp issued from Goku as he pulled the brunette into his arms and deepend the kiss. Sanzo took control as his tongue invaded Goku's warm mouth in an intense kiss. The feel of Goku's tongue sliding along his own sent Sanzo into a sort of frenzy. His right hand grasped handfuls of incredibly soft chestnut hair as his left hand skimmed under Goku's shirt to be met by solid, unyielding muscle.

Goku whimpered into Sanzo's mouth. His hands gripped the back of Sanzo's head as he held on for dear life. _Never_ had he experienced anything so extraordinary. _Never _had he truly dared to hope Sanzo could return any of the feelings Goku himself had felt for so long. Sanzo's breathlessness, his groans, his hands, this kiss spoke volumes to Goku. He could feel all the restraint melting away from Sanzo's body. _Sanzo has wanted this just as long as I have..._

All traces of nervousness and uncertainty fleetingly left Goku as he fully accepted Sanzo's hands on his body, mouth on his. Goku frantically clawed at the shirt tucked into Sanzo's jeans as he kissed the monk back with every ounce of his very being. He moaned his dissent as Sanzo suddenly pulled away from him roughly.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, you stupid monkey?"

The harsh anger in Sanzo's voice hurt Goku to the depths of his heart. His mouth flailed open a little in surprise. Goku searched for the words he needed to express the pain and confusion he was suddenly feeling. The words escaped him. He could only stare in horror at the tumultuous monk standing before him.

"This is _not _going to happen."

Goku floundered as he tried to catch his breath. "Sanzo..."

"_No, Goku."_

"Oh God, _please_ Sanzo. Don't do this right now..."

"Listen Goku, you,"

"NO! Sanzo, _you listen._ Don't pull away from me. Please don't..."

Goku squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the tears begin to surface again. He gulped back a sob and took a steadying breath. When he opened his eyes, it was to the _still_ annoyed face of his sun. Using all his control to contain the tears, the threatening sobs, his _fear,_ Goku's voice came out as a whisper.

_"I love you Sanzo."_

Sanzo looked at him only long enough to blink before turning toward the door.

Goku didn't have the strength to voice his thought..._Please don't leave me Sanzo._

The monk's hand rested on the doorknob for only a second.

"You're still just a kid Goku."

Sanzo flung the door open and walked heavily from the room. The door slammed behind him as Goku slid to the floor on his knees, finally allowing the tears to come forth.

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Upstairs in my room the bed had already been remade. The entire room was nice and neat. Obviously someone had stopped by to clean it. I flopped down on the bed and rolled onto my back. The ceiling didn't have any of the answers I was lookin for. I fished my pack of smokes from my pocket and lit one up. I wished I had one of the beers Hakkai had bought for our picnic.

The kiss I'd shared with Hakkai downstairs really threw me. I thought he would have been a lot more angry but he had actually initiated that kiss. I got up, kicked my boots off and sat with my back against the wall. Coming up the stairs I could hear Goku talking in his room. It sounded like they may have been fighting, but then, the monkey was always pretty loud. I couldn't imagine what Goku would be saying to Sanzo right about now. It was pretty obvious after the nice punch he'd landed that he was angry I'd been with Sanzo. I guess I never gave him enough credit.

Being with Sanzo had been pretty nice. If I was honest with myself, I would admit that I didn't quite want it to be over. Sanzo had been a pretty hot fuck. I remembered him taking me against the changing room wall and was instantly hard. I closed my eyes and let the memory flow through my mind. Sanzo's hands on my body, on my hips...the way he'd covered my mouth so I wouldn't make a sound. I sighed out loud thinking of the way he'd kissed me, my cum in his hand. The unanticipated thought of Hakkai whispering in my ear that he was going to take me stopped my thoughts dead. My eyes flew open and I bent over with a pain in my chest. My breathing was rapid as I placed a hand over the spot on my chest that was aching.

Had Sanzo done these things to Hakkai? Had Hakkai accepted him? Did he sleep in Sanzo's arms on the nights they were together, me oblivious in a nearby room? I suddenly couldn't stand the thought of them together. Before, I'd only been upset that Hakkai had chosen Sanzo. I never actually thought about what they _did_ together. The anger raced through my body, flooded my limbs with a searing, white heat. What kind of fucking _game _was Sanzo playing? Who was it that he really wanted?

My breathing was slowing, my heart beginning to beat normal again. My cigarette had burned down to the filter and I'd never even noticed it. The ashes were scattered over a small portion of the blanket. I slid off the bed and used my hand to brush them onto the floor. Hakkai would have had a fit if he'd seen what I'd done. I sunk to the floor on my knees and blinked. I didn't know what else to do but blink. I didn't want to think, didn't want to feel, and I _especially_ didn't want Hakkai with Sanzo. I didn't want him with anybody...

I heard a door slam across from mine and the sound of hard footsteps trailed off down the hall. It was someone leaving Goku's room. It couldn't be Hakkai since I'd left him downstairs with a new book by the pond. I'd just wanted a little time to myself. Time away from Hakkai and Sanzo to find myself and put the pieces back together. I leaned over until my forehead hit the floor. I was so pathetic hunched over on the floor, not wanting to admit my feelings to myself, and still not wanting to lose Hakkai. I had put him back together for myself. He belonged to me.

I sighed and turned my head to press my cheek against the cool floor. Damn, Sha Gojyo was laying on the floor all stupid and lovesick. There was nothing to do but get over it and confess that I was an idiot who was in love with his best friend. I lifted myself off the floor and grabbed my boots. Time to find Hakkai...

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A/N: Hmmm...things are winding up a bit. I'm really working hard on an end. I'm trying not to drag things out so it gets boring and also trying not to rush it. Reviews are always appreciated! Feel free to check out my profile and drop me a note there if you'd like too! Thanks again to my readers! ~Ayaka


	19. Chapter 19

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki. I just enjoy writing.

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When I stepped from the back door of the inn, I had to stop to catch my breath. Hakkai sat beneath a cherry blossom tree, his back very straight, head against the trunk, eyes closed. His book lay forgotten on the ground next to his knee. His hands were in his lap, long fingers spread against his thighs.

I'm not sure how long I stood there watching the breeze blow the blossoms from the tree to rain down upon his body, his hair. The sun was beginning to lower in the sky. It would still be a few hours until dark but the feel of the world outside was changing to night. Everything about the man I was looking at was beautiful. Sanzo's beauty was too close to perfection, something that you couldn't quite reach out to touch without fear of dirtying it. He pushed people away, was never gentle, even when it was what he wanted. But Hakkai, wonderful, beautiful, scarred Hakkai...he was something to be treasured.

Hakkai began to stir underneath the tree. I took my first steps toward my future with no hesitation. I would have been lying if I said there was no fear. Hakkai could leave me at any moment. He could chose Sanzo. He could chose a life with a woman, kids. What did I really have to offer him other than my body? My undying devotion? Would that be enough for him? It would have to be. I didn't know what else to give him.

Hakkai shifted and pulled his back away from the tree. He removed his monocle and rubbed at his eyes. He must have been sleeping. I didn't really want to sneak up on him in such a private moment so I made sure my footsteps were loud enough for him to hear. Hakkai gently replaced the eyeglass and turned in my direction. His eyes met mine and he gave me a slight smile. I looked down at myself feeling a little self conscious. My shirt was open, boots untied in my haste to see Hakkai. At least my pants were zipped...

Hakkai didn't move to greet me. He sat still watching me approach. I tried to stealthily take a deep breath but I knew it was useless. Hakkai would notice anything. His observant eyes picked up everything. What the hell? It wouldn't matter anyway. Maybe if he knew I how nervous I was, he'd gimme a break and let me off the hook.

I stood towering over Hakkai and peered down at him. He'd leaned back against the tree and tilted his head up to look into my face.

"Gojyo?"

I wanted to fall to my knees and pull him into my arms. I wanted to cover his face in kisses. Wanted to feel his muscles tightened beneath my fingertips. He was everything to me. Everything I thought I would never find in this life. Everything that was good and loving and peaceful. Yes, this man who had slaughtered a thousand demons, taken his own eye, fought his way through hell, had brought me peace. His acceptance of me was all I would ever need in life.

I did fall to my knees. I fell in worship of the man who held my heart. I stared down at my hands. Afraid to speak for a moment. Afraid I would cry and make a mess of what was already a mess. Hakkai's hand was on my chin lifting my face to look at his. His fingers placed a whisper of a caress along my jaw. I could feel a tear escape my eye and make it's way down to his fingers.

"Gojyo...what's wrong?"

I tried so hard to be strong. This was not the way I had imagined things. I was so stupid. I don't know what I'd been thinking with Sanzo. Playing the hurt little boy with Hakkai. Who cares who he'd been with, what he'd done in the past. I certainly hadn't been a saint. There was no way in hell I was going to live my life with out Hakkai in it.

"Hakkai..."

He looked at me with that intense green gaze and my breath caught.

"Shit. Hakkai. I love you."

He continued to stare at me, his eyes unblinking. I thought I would die in the few seconds it took until he pulled my mouth to his and invaded my senses so completely. His kiss was desperate. I could feel his fear as he opened to me and I hurried to taste him. My hands thrust into his hair, pulling his head back to deepen the kiss. His groan was all I needed to let me know he felt the same. Wanted me inside him, wanted me to take him, need him, love him. I ran my thumbs over his temples and massaged my way down to the back of his neck. Everything about him turned me on. His breath, his scent, the feel of his skin, his small whimpers of need.

I pulled away needing to breathe. I was afraid I would die right that minute. I thought I'd just pass away in his arms and never wake again. I drew in deep breaths trying to calm my wildly beating heart. Hakkai raised his hand and placed it over the spot where it was throbbing in my chest. His voice was just a whisper.

"I missed you, Gojyo."

I pulled him into my arms, against my chest. I buried my face into his hair and breathed deeply.

"God Hakkai, I need you so much. I...I don't know what I'd do without you."

Hakkai laughed into my chest. "I'm not going anywhere Gojyo."

I grinned and pulled away from him just enough to allow his face to tilt up to mine. I placed the gentlest of kisses on his lips. "You'll stay with me tonight?"

His hands trailed down my ribs and around to my back. "There is no where else I'd rather be."

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A/N: Hi everyone! Anyone happy yet? I've had a few people who were quite vocal about my pairing choices. Hopefully some of you won't mind how things are going. I felt like this story could use a little fluff. I tried to do sweet without going overboard. This story really is almost over. Please hang in there with me! As usual reviews are very greatly appreciated. Favorite adds are very wonderful too! ~Ayaka


	20. Chapter 20

Time To Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki. I own an active imagination...maybe a little too active.

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Sanzo made his way to the first floor of the inn. His first instinct was to see if Hakkai was still in the garden. The thought that Gojyo may be back there with him kept Sanzo from taking the steps out back. Standing mutely at the foot of the stairs, Sanzo looked around at the objects decorating the inn. A vase in the corner, flowers on the table. He felt...lost.

Sanzo rubbed the bridge of his nose between two fingers. His body hurt for a cigarette. He lifted his head at the sound of a door shutting loudly upstairs. He turned, afraid to find that Goku had tried to follow him. Instead he caught the sound of Gojyo's heavy footsteps. That meant Hakkai had probably been alone.

Sanzo moved away from the stairs, not wanting to see the stupid pervert. What he _really _wanted was to get a drink, have a smoke and shoot something. Sanzo growled under his breath and started for the door of the inn. He was just about to leave when something about the sound of Gojyo's movements caught his attention. He turned to see the redhead just as he reached the last step. The look on his face was full of nervousness, maybe excitement too. Sanzo's eyes became two small slits as he watched Gojyo walk off through the back of the inn. He wondered what the idiot was up to.

It only took a second for Sanzo to make up his mind. He turned swiftly and followed behind Gojyo. He kept his steps quick and light. As he walked by the dining area he remembered the window in the kitchen. Sanzo made his way past tables into the kitchen area. From the middle of the room he could see Hakkai with his back against a tree. He stepped closer to the window trying to catch a glimpse of Gojyo. Placing his hands on the edge of the sink Sanzo leaned forward watching as the stupid water sprite walked toward Hakkai.

It took a moment before Sanzo realized he had been holding his breath. It wasn't until Gojyo fell to his knees before Hakkai that he could breath again. The air came in a big gulp only to be released quickly from his body. At no point in all the..._fucking _had he really thought either of the two would _want_ him. It didn't change the fact that it still hurt.

Angrily, Sanzo pivoted away from the sink. He almost stomped from the kitchen like a little boy having a fit before he stopped himself. _Genjyo Sanzo...free of everything, bound by nothing._ He repeated the mantra over and over in his mind. Sanzo held himself upright and walked quietly out the front door of the inn. Refusing to think of anything but the words that kept him together, he made his way to the closest bar he could find.

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Goku's whimpers had finally quieted. The tears however were a different story. He couldn't even feel them any longer. They flowed from his eyes like tiny never-ending rivers.

Goku picked himself up from the floor and shuffled to the window. He leaned on the sill and watched the waning sun. His thoughts were in a tangle. It was hard to sort one from the other. He did know he would never be good enough for Sanzo as long as Sanzo felt he would never be good enough for _anyone_.

Goku pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. The rays from the remaining sun warmed his body and made him feel a little more whole. A movement under the window caught his eye. Sanzo was there beneath him, his actions as usual, graceful. Goku could imagine the scowl that would be on his face as he watched the back of the golden head. Sanzo walked off into the sun and Goku could feel the light fading more fully. He stepped away from the window and turned to look at his room. Emptiness.

The bed beckoned to Goku offering a place of warmth and release from the thoughts that hurt his mind. He kicked his shoes off and crawled beneath the covers. With only a few sniffles Goku pulled the blanket over his head and closed his eyes willing sleep to overtake him.

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"Another."

Sanzo grabbed the fresh beer and took a huge swallow. The cigarette between his fingers had burned down to the filter. He rubbed it out a little harder than necessary in the ash tray. He flipped open the pack of smokes that lay on the bar next to him and had a new one between his lips and lit in a heartbeat. He obviously hadn't had enough to drink. He could still think.

Over at a table across the room Sanzo could hear two men discussing his blonde hair. He wished he'd had the foresight to at least put his robes on. It might have discouraged any advances the two idiots were sure to make. Then again, it would have drawn more attention to himself. He was aware of how unusual it was for a monk to be at a bar drinking and smoking. He didn't need anyone to point it out to him contrary to what other people believed. If he had to listen to the shocked exclamations of more person...

_Now we're getting somewhere._ Sanzo downed the rest of his beer, glad to be able to think of something other than his dumbass traveling companions. A new beer appeared before him and he nodded to the man behind the counter. Good man. Sanzo took a drink and sat it back on the bar. He rested both elbows on the counter and held his head in his hands. Looking down into his beer Sanzo thought of the kiss he'd shared with Goku and wondered what the hell he'd been thinking. _Gojyo..._

Shit, the things he'd done with Gojyo, that damn dirty pervert. _I'm just as bad as he is._ How could he ever be with Goku? Goku who was the complete and total opposite of Gojyo. Goku who was all things innocent. Sanzo squeezed his eyes shut not happy with the direction of his thoughts. The sudden hand on his shoulder broke him from his thoughts, completely infuriating him.

"Hey there buddy. You're not from around here, are you?"

Sanzo looked up into dirty brown eyes and a sweaty face. He could hardly hold back the shiver of revulsion.

"Get your hand off me." Sanzo's eyes glinted dangerously and the man took a step back, letting his hand fall back to his side.

"Hey! Uh, sorry about that. Listen, my friend and I wondered if you'd be interested in joining us at our table. We were thinking about getting a uh, a..._game_ going."

The wormy man smiled and Sanzo felt like he was going to throw up.

"No."

The greasy hand clapped down onto Sanzo's arm this time. "Aw, come on man, it's just for..."

Sanzo's gun was out and pressed to the man's forehead directly. Shit brown eyes grew huge as hands flew up in defense. Sanzo cocked the hammer back with his thumb.

"You son of a bitch. I said _no."_

Alcohol...check. Cigarettes...check. Shoot something? Sanzo really fucking hoped this was his chance.

No luck. The man stepped back, hands still raised in the air. "I got it man."

Keeping an eye on Sanzo and his gun he turned slightly hoping he'd be allowed to walk away. Sanzo lowered his gun and turned back to his beer. The grease ball turned with lightning speed and hurried back to his table.

Sanzo sighed and downed the rest of his beer. Like magic, the next beer was there. Sanzo looked up at the bartender who was currently his best friend.

"Sake next."

The man smiled at him. "Sure thing."

He turned away giving the monk his privacy. Sanzo took a deep drag from his cigarette and once again put it out in the ashtray at his elbow. Pissed off that another cigarette was wasted, he quickly lit another, determined to enjoy every last puff.

Closing his eyes, Sanzo let his mind drift over past events. He missed Hakkai. He would never admit it out loud, but he did. Having Hakkai was just about as close as he'd allow himself to get to someone. _There's Goku..._

Another beer drained, Sanzo wished he could kick himself for thinking of Goku again. What had happened back at the inn was a mistake. The stuff with Gojyo? That was fun. It was another adult and not just any adult, it was a damn perverted half-breed who was used to that sort of thing. Goku on the hand, was not. His confession of love was genuine.

The ceramic flask of sake and accompanying small cup had arrived. Sanzo poured enough to fill his cup and downed it one flick of his wrist. He poured another cup, this time taking a small sip and savoring the flavors. His head was just beginning to swim. He felt warm inside and almost ready to take a nap. He'd finish up the flask of sake, head back to the inn and sleep until morning.

What it all came down to was...Goku. Sanzo did not want this to be about Goku, but he'd done it to himself. Had he kissed the chimp first? If he remembered correctly, they had moved at the same time. It was Goku who had pulled at his shirt, trying to initiate something he really knew nothing about. _He's just a kid...isn't he?_

Sanzo reached to pour himself another cup of sake only to discover the flask was empty. _Now when did that happen?_ He'd really had enough to drink now. Sanzo stood up carefully from his seat at the bar, testing his bearing. Standing on fairly steady legs he flipped the gold card from his pocket and laid it on the counter. The bartender smiled and went to take care of the bill.

As he waited, Sanzo decided he would just talk to Goku in the morning and explain the situation better. There was also no point to drinking anything else as it just enhanced his _need._ The bartender handed the card to Sanzo and smiled.

"You sure you can make it home alright?"

"I'm fine."

Sleep was definitely in order. Sanzo turned from the bar, slipping his card into his pocket. He walked through the door into the chilly night, looking up at the stars for only a moment. His body felt a little fuzzy and his mind kept wandering back to Goku. It wasn't that far to the inn, but it was no excuse for Sanzo to let his guard down. Alcohol, sex, Goku...it all rushed through Sanzo's mind in waves. He never heard the demons coming, he did however feel the bright flash of pain as something smashed into him from behind.

Sanzo lay face down on the ground, blood oozing from the wound at the back of his head. Three demons stood around gloating over the fact that they had caught the "Great Sanzo" alone and unaware. The biggest of the three hefted the monk over a thick shoulder and they headed off into the night.

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A/N: Thanks for reading everyone! Many, many, many people have asked me or commented that they wonder what Sanzo is thinking. Hopefully this will please some of you. It's just a small glimpse into his mind. I didn't want to write Sanzo and Goku too much because really, I wanted this story to belong more to Gojyo and Hakkai. More to come, but the end is in sight. Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Reviews are always welcome. ~Ayaka


	21. Chapter 21

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki...*sniffles*

* * *

My hair was tickling my nose. I took a little swipe at it and tried to relax back into my dream. Hakkai had been in it and I didn't want to lose it. I turned over onto my side and buried my head deeper into...goddamn hair! I swore I would cut it, just as soon as I woke up. Grudgingly I opened my eyes.

For once reality was so much better than my dreams. Green eyes lit with a smile were staring down at me. My mind still felt a bit fuzzy from sleep as I rubbed my hand over my eyes. Hakkai chuckled quietly and ran a hand down the side of my face. Damn, I should have woken up sooner.

"Did you have a good nap?"

Hakkai's hand had wandered into my hair. I closed my eyes and groaned my satisfaction.

"I really fall asleep on you?"

"Yes, you did. It's getting late. I really should start dinner."

I really didn't want to move from Hakkai's lap. It had taken work to get there and there I wanted to stay. With a sigh I sat up. Raising my arms, I stretched my back and growled a little. That really had been a good nap.

"What's for dinner 'Kai?"

Hakkai stood up slowly and brushed the grass from his pants. He took his monocle from his pocket and placed it carefully on his face.

The sun had already gone down but it couldn't really be _too_ late. Goku's stomach would have sent him on a hunt to find us if it were. I watched Hakkai straightening himself and I stretched one last time before standing up. We stood together, me slightly over him, and I felt my heart jump in my chest. I wanted things to stay like this. I made a promise to myself then, that I would try my hardest to keep Hakkai happy, that his smile for me would always be a real one. I put a hand on Hakkai's shoulder and pulled on him gently. Hakkai came to me easily. He rested his forehead under my chin and stared at the ground. I didn't know what to say to him; didn't really think there was anything _to_ say. He understood well enough without words. I bent my head and kissed the top of his head. I left my hand on his shoulder a second longer before we both moved away.

"Shall we head to the kitchen then Gojyo?" Hakkai bent over to retrieve his book from the ground.

"Yeah, you want my help?"

"Why don't you keep me company. It would be nice to spend more time with you."

My smile was huge as Hakkai turned away and started for the back door of the inn. I followed behind him trying not to act like a giddy dumb ass.

The inside of the inn was warm. I hadn't realized I had been cold outside. Hakkai had begun to look through our supplies to plan the meal for the night. I looked around the kitchen, wishing there was some way to help him. It was probably better that I just watched anyway.

Hakkai had some sort of vegetable he was studying when he stopped and looked up at me.

"Gojyo, do you find it strange that we haven't heard anything from Goku?"

I hadn't really thought about it, but he was right. The stupid monkey should have been making noise somewhere. I was kinda glad he wasn't around. I liked having Hakkai to myself again. It reminded me of our time together before the damn journey had started.

"I'm sure he's with _Master Sanzo_ somewhere around here."

"Yes, well, that may be the case. Still, why don't you go check upstairs. You can let them know I have started on dinner."

I sighed loudly, not wanting to fully voice my protest. Hakkai smiled sweetly, politely up at me. I grumbled under my breath and headed to the front of the inn and up the stairs. Things _were _getting back to normal. Hakkai had smoothly sent me on his errand and I did it for him with little complaint. I laughed to myself. I really didn't mind too much. If Hakkai wanted it, I would do it.

I knocked on Sanzo's door first. There was no response. After a moment I stuck my ear against it and knocked again.

"Oi, monk, you in there?"

Nothing.

I walked a few steps to Goku's door at the end of the hall. I knocked. No response there either. I stuck my ear against the door, expecting to hear Goku chattering away to a silent Sanzo. It was pretty quiet in there too. Feeling a little nervous, I tried the handle. The door opened silently.

The room was dark but I could feel Goku's presence. I took a step inside and let my eyes focus. I could hear his deep rhythmic breathing. _The monkey was sleeping? _I walked over to the bed, shocked to find Goku alone and sleeping of all things. I'd barely made it to the side of the bed when Goku's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist.

"What the hell do you want?"

I fumbled for words. "Uh, Goku, man, it's just me."

Goku's breathing was rapid. "Me?"

"Gojyo, you stupid monkey. It's Gojyo"

"Oh. Gojyo." Goku released my wrist.

"Yo, monkey, you have a bad dream?"

"What? No. I just..."

"You just what?"

"Sanzo. Have you seen Sanzo?"

"Sanzo? Nah, I haven't seen that damn monk all evening."

"It's night?"

"Yeah, Goku, it's night. Hey, man, you ok?"

Goku was beginning to scare me a little. He couldn't seem to focus. I knew the little chimp could sleep pretty hardcore, but this just seemed unusual.

"Hey, Hakkai's got dinner started downstairs. I know you want some."

"Um, yeah. Yeah, I do."

Goku was starting to sound more normal. His usual cheeriness wasn't there, but at least he was responding to food.

"Wanna head downstairs with me? Hakkai sent me up to get you guys."

Goku moved to the side of the bed. He let his bare feet rest on the floor and buried his head in his hands.

"Will you give me a minute Gojyo? I'll...Tell Hakkai I'll be down in a second."

I clapped my hand on his shoulder and bent over him. Our heads were pretty close.

"Yeah man, I will. You sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine. I'll be down soon."

I moved away from Goku and started for the door. I let my hand rest on the handle for a second as I took a last look at him. Something had to be wrong. I closed the door gently and headed down to see Hakkai. He'd know what to do better than I would anyway.

* * *

Downstairs in the kitchen Hakkai was chopping up vegetables. He turned when he heard me approaching. The smile that lit his face was genuine. It tugged at my insides. I walked right up to him and grasped the back of his head in my hand. I swooped down for a kiss, trying to be gentle. Hakkai's lips were warm beneath mine. When I tried to move away he caught my bottom lip between his teeth and I couldn't help but groan. I kissed him harder and tried not to lose myself. Dinner wasn't going to make itself and Goku...Shit, I'd forgotten about Goku for a second.

I stepped back quickly from Hakkai.

"Hey Hakkai..." I looked down at the dazed look on his face and I tried not to laugh. His eyes focused and I could see questioning in them.

"What's wrong Gojyo?"

"It's Goku. He was sleeping when I went to talk to him."

"And what exactly, is wrong with that?"

"It's not that he was sleeping. He just seemed sorta out of it. He asked about Sanzo."

"Sanzo?"

"Yeah. Something just didn't seem right about him."

"Did you tell Sanzo?"

"Uh, no. Sanzo wasn't in his room."

Hakkai turned serious. I could see the thoughts racing through his mind.

"Hakkai, do you think something happened?"

"Between Sanzo and Goku? It certainly appears that way. I'll go up and talk to Goku." When he started to walk off I stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"He said he would be down in a minute."

Hakkai looked up at me. "Are you really that worried about him Gojyo?"

I nodded. "A little."

"Five minutes, then I will go up."

Hakkai turned and began working on dinner again. I leaned against the edge of a counter and watched him work. He was quick and efficient. I could tell he felt comfortable with what he was doing, but there was still some worry on his face. I was just about to speak when Goku shuffled into the kitchen.

"Hey guys."

He looked beat; like maybe he needed to stay in bed and sleep through the night.

"What's with you Gojyo?"

I must have been staring a little longer than I'd thought. "Nothin' monkey."

"Don't call me monkey!"

Hakkai interrupted before our fight could begin in earnest. "Goku, are you feeling alright? Should I take a look at you?"

Goku tilted his head and looked up at Hakkai. "I'm fine Hakkai. I was just feeling a little tired."

"I really wouldn't mind. It will just take me a second."

"I'm not sick Hakkai."

I watched the two of them go back and forth. I could tell that Hakkai could sense there was something wrong too. Goku had begun to pace a little. I didn't think he realized he was doing it. Hakkai walked over and stood in front of him, getting his attention and stopping his pacing.

"Did something happen between Sanzo and you?"

Goku turned a light shade of pink. Hakkai had hit on the problem. It would make sense considering the last time I had seen them together Sanzo was going after him because he was upset about...well, I didn't really want to think about that. Goku still hadn't responded.

"Goku, do you know where Sanzo is?"

"No. Gojyo said he wasn't in his room and he hadn't seen him all evening."

Hakkai's head snapped around to look at me. Our eyes met and I knew a whole new round of worrying would begin. We'd been together, so obviously Hakkai hadn't seen Sanzo either.

"Did he ever come back?"

Hakkai turned back to Goku while I answered. "We didn't know he ever left."

"I saw him leave the inn...before I fell asleep."  
"With or without the robes, monkey?"

Goku shot me a go to hell look. "Without."

Hakkai visibly relaxed. At least we knew he only intended to be gone for a little while. He would never have left the sutra behind if he were _really_ leaving.

Hakkai came over and stood beside me. Goku watched us, his anxiety was beginning to fill the room. Hakkai's eyes searched mine. I knew he was wanting to probe the little chimp some more. Information was what we needed to discover Sanzo's whereabouts. I nodded slightly, letting Hakkai know he should push a little more. He turned slowly to face Goku.

"Goku, is there anything else you can tell us? Do _you_ think we should be worried about Sanzo?"

Goku shuffled his feet and looked down at the ground. He seemed a little defeated.

"We had a fight. It wasn't a small one either."

Hakkai inhaled sharply beside me. He must have realized something I didn't.

"After the picnic Goku?"

"Yes, he followed me upstairs and..."

I interrupted him. "Hey, we don't need any unnecessary details. Just tell us what you think is important." I felt a little bad that we were questioning him about something he obviously didn't want to be talking about.

Goku released a breath he'd been holding. "Yeah, after the picnic. We talked and I pissed him off so he left. The usual sort of thing."

Hakkai nodded. "He has been gone for quite some time then. It may be best if we try to find him. Shall we go?"

I really, really wanted to sigh and not just any sigh either. I wanted a long drawn out one that very clearly showed my annoyance. I held back. Just when things were getting better, we had to go out and look for a cranky monk.

"We'll meet out front in five minutes. Please hurry and don't be late." Hakkai's voice was full of command that brooked no argument.

Goku and I both nodded as we each headed for our own rooms.

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A/N: I deeply, deeply apologize for taking so long on new chapters!! So many of you were kind enough to send me PM's to say you wanted more. I really, really, really appreciate that! Thank you so much for your support. I will try much harder to get these chapters out faster. RL is settling down so I have the time again. Once again, I appreciate any and all reviews. Favorite adds are wonderful too. ~Ayaka


	22. Chapter 22

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Saiyuki. That's probably lucky for you!

* * *

Boots tied, clothes correctly in place I headed out the door. Hakkai was just closing the door to Sanzo's room as I was exiting mine. I raised my eyebrows, questioning what he'd been doing.

"I just wanted to double check everything in Sanzo's room. Even though none of us could sense the presence of other demons, that does not mean something might not have happened."

I nodded agreement. Our steps brought us side by side as we walked down the stairs.

"And the sutra?"

It was Hakkai's turn to nod. "It is safe."

Outside Goku was pacing back in forth. It had grown quite dark. I looked up to see stars scattered across the night sky. I hoped this would be a quick thing but knowing our luck we'd be out until morning.

"What took you guys so long!?" Goku was almost frantic.

"Oi monkey! We weren't gone that long! What has you so worried?"

"Sanzo could be hurt, something could be really wrong."

"Now Goku, we can't know that for sure. If he was angry he may have just gone out for a walk." Hakkai kept his voice low trying to soothe Goku.

"I have a really bad feeling about this guys."

"You're not gonna cry are you, you stupid chimp? Sanzo's fine. He's probably out gettin' drunk somewhere."

"Stop calling me that! And Sanzo does _not_ get drunk. He's not you, you stupid alcoholic."

"I am not an alcoholic! I just..."

Hakkai put a hand up in the air. "Hey you two, this is not helping anything. Think you could save it until _after_ we find Sanzo?"

Goku and I remained silent. Hakkai was right. If something really had happened to Sanzo delaying our search could be a very bad thing. I focused on the task at hand.

"What first Hakkai?"

"I spoke to the innkeeper while the two of you were in your rooms. He said the last time he had seen Sanzo was when he had followed Goku upstairs earlier this evening. The innkeeper had to leave the front desk at one point to help with a staffing problem. Sanzo must have left while he was away."

"So where should we start?"

"I think it's best we stay together for now. If it seems we are having trouble finding any sign of Sanzo's whereabouts we can split up."

"Alright then. Monkey, your thoughts?"

"I think he went for a walk. Seems like him."

"That would be an awfully long walk Goku." Hakkai would be right about that.

"He could have stopped at a bar after his walk."

"Leave it to you water sprite to bring up alcohol _again."_

"You know Goku, Gojyo may just be right about this one. If he was angry or upset he could have stopped for a beer. He's not one to drink his way to drunkenness, but a beer or two does seem likely."

Goku coughed behind his hand. "Unlike some people we know."

I lunged forward. "Why you little..."

Hakkai stepped between us. "So I think we should just walk. Let's go for a walk and see where it leads us."

So we walked. The town was quiet as we looked for some sign of Sanzo. There were hardly any people around. Most had gone inside for dinner or to spend time with their families. An occasional person hurried by but rarely did they make eye contact. The longer we walked, the more I began to suspect that something was going on and we had gone the wrong way.

A man was tossing a bucket of dirty water from the back door of his shop when Hakkai stopped him.

"Excuse me sir, we are looking for a friend of ours. Do you have a minute?"

The man leaned lazily against the door frame as the bucket dangled from his hand. "You guys aren't from around here?"

"No sir. We are just passing through. We've only been here for the day."

"And you've lost your friend?"

"Yes sir. He's blonde, a little shorter than I."

"Can't say I've seen a blonde guy around here. You shouldn't be out looking for him too late either. We've had some demons hanging around for the past week. The town had been quiet for a while, then out of nowhere those guys showed up." The guy shrugged his shoulders and went back into the shop.

"Well damn, he didn't even give us time to question him."

"We made him uneasy Gojyo. Let's try walking a different route."

We headed back in the direction of the inn. Goku wanted to stop to see if Sanzo had come back but Hakkai convinced him it would take too much time. I had the sneaking suspicion that Hakkai was beginning to believe something really had happened to Sanzo.

We took a different turn as we drew closer to the inn. There were more shops in this area. A few were still open, their lights bright in the night. We took turns stepping into the well lit stores to question the people still inside. No one had seen Sanzo. It was damn unlucky. It was getting cold out and I wanted to be back at the inn with Hakkai in my bed. I wanted to curl up against him and run my hands over his..._Damn._ Those kinds of thoughts were not going to help me out. I reached down and adjusted the tightness in my pants and sighed. Yeah, we'd be out until morning at this rate.

We walked a bit farther down the street when we came across a man carrying fresh vegetables and fish in baskets into his house.

"Hey mister, you been out here all day?" Goku sounded anxious.

The guy stopped and looked up. "No, I ain't. The wife and son sell this stuff in the day."

"You think we could talk to them? We're looking for someone that may have passed by here."

The beefy man eyed Goku up and down before he turned to Hakkai and me. He looked at us thoughtfully before nodding and going inside his house. He returned with a small woman wearing a blue dress and apron. She smiled brightly as she wiped her hands on the apron.

"What can I do for you boys?"

I was surprised by how pretty she was. Her manner of speech was much better than the man's had been. How someone like her ended up with a guy like that, I would never understand.

Hakkai was the one to answer. "Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with us. We are looking for a friend of ours. We're worried something may have happened to him."

The woman's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh! That would be so horrible! I'll be happy to help you if I can."

"We were just wondering if you had seen him pass by this evening? He would be a little shorter than I am with blonde hair."

"Oh! In a black shirt right? No sleeves?"

Goku began hopping up and down. "That's him! It's Sanzo!"

"Yes, it would certainly seem so. Do you remember which way he was going?"

The woman's smile returned. "Why yes, I certainly do. He was headed that way." She leaned over and pointed farther down the street. "He was quite serious while he was walking. I wondered what had him so upset."

I looked over at Goku to see his reaction. His bouncing had stopped while he looked down the street to where the woman had pointed. I didn't like his sudden pensive attitude.

Hakkai bowed and smiled at the woman. "Thank you so much. You've been quite helpful."

The woman smiled back prettily. "Oh it was no problem! I'm just so glad I could help. Good luck to you boys!"

"Thank you again. Have a good night." Hakkai turned, Goku and I followed.

"So I'm thinking Hakkai, if she saw him headed this way, it must have been right after he left the inn." Goku had that sick worried look on his face again.

"You would be right Goku. That would have been quite some time ago but now we know the direction he was headed."

Whatever Sanzo and Goku had fought about must have been bad. I felt kinda sorry for the kid. I could tell he was pretty upset. I reached out and put a hand on the top of Goku's head. He looked up at me and kept silent. He understood what I wanted to say and that was enough.

We were approaching a brightly lit building that stood to our left. Three guys were standing out front laughing. From the look of it they were pretty drunk. I looked at Hakkai and our eyes met. I hoped they wouldn't be trouble, but it was best to be prepared. I kept an eye on the guys as we drew closer and made to pass by. Their laughter quieted as they watched us approach. The biggest of the bunch, a pretty slimy looking man, leaned over and said something to a smaller guy. The group burst with laughter again. We were just passing by as the big man yelled out to us.

"Hey there, awfully late for you boys to be wandering around huh?"

Goku paused for a second but Hakkai moved him forward with a hand on his elbow. Goku looked up and Hakkai shook his head. We kept walking forward. The man began yelling out again.

"Awww, come on _Red_, I know you want to come have some _fun_ with us..."

This time I froze. Red? That son of a bitch was just askin' for it. Hakkai's other arm shot out around my waist and pulled me forward. I looked down at him and he let it drop. He had succeeded in calming my anger with one simple gesture.

The guys behind us were laughing loudly again. I tried my hardest to ignore their drunken talk. I wanted to pull Hakkai to me and make him walk faster.

"...Buncha assholes tonight."

"No fun around here..."

"That blonde fucker..."

This time Hakkai was the one to pause. He turned quickly to face the men.

"Excuse me, did you gentlemen say something about a blonde?"

The assholes stopped their laughing. The big one was the one to answer.

"What's it to ya?"

"The friend we are looking for just happens to be a blonde."

"And if we know him?"

Damn, it probably had been Sanzo. Hakkai hadn't mentioned that we were looking for a man.

"We would appreciate it, if you could tell us when you saw him."

The bastards were laughing again. Goku began to step toward them. I put my arm out to stop him.

"Let me go asshole."

"Goku, fighting them now is just gonna waste time."

"They know where Sanzo is!"

"No, they don't Goku. You really think Sanzo was with these dickheads? He was probably just drinking here earlier."

Goku continued to stare up at me with his anger filled eyes. Hakkai interrupted us.

"Let's just go inside. If he was here, the bartender will be able to answer our questions." Cool, logical Hakkai. I wondered what we would do without him. It made my heart miss a beat. I wasn't going to "do without him." _Ever_.

We sidestepped the drunk guys and went inside the bar. It was a clean little place. Nothing fancy. Just a good place to get a couple of beers. Hakkai looked to me, like he expected me to handle things now. I rolled my eyes at him. Goku snickered when he saw the exchange. Even the little monkey expected me to take care of things just because we were in a bar.

I sauntered up to the counter and leaned my hip against it. I lit a cigarette as I waited for the man behind the bar to finish cleaning some glasses. He smiled politely as he walked over.

"What can I do for you?"

"We're just lookin' for a friend of ours. Blonde, about this tall, angry..."

The man laughed. "Yeah, he was here earlier. The guys out front tried talking to him. He pulled a gun on them." He continued to laugh.

"That would be him. Any clue where he went?"

"He didn't really talk. He did have quite a bit to drink though. I was hoping he was headed home when he left here. I take it he didn't make it?"

"No, he hasn't come back yet. Thanks for your time."

The man nodded. "Good luck."

"Thanks man." I turned and went back to Hakkai and Goku.

"You guys hear?"

"Yeah. Somethin's not right guys. Sanzo would never be that careless."

"I agree Goku. I think we need find him quickly."

Outside, the drunk assholes were still standing around laughing. I wondered if they were going to stand out there all night.

"Might as well head up the road. We'll try and figure something out as we go."

Hakkai nodded and Goku continued to stare at the ground. I hated feeling bad for that damn monkey. I was beginning to wish I knew what he and Sanzo had fought about. I was just turning away from the bar when Goku's loud outburst surprised me.

"_Shit!_ Guys, look at this."

Goku was crouched down to the ground. He was picking something up and brushing it off. When he held it up to us to see, I felt my heart stop in my chest. Sanzo's gold card glinted in the light that was shining from the bar's windows.

*****************

A/N: Sorry to leave you hanging like that. I'm sure I'll have a few angry readers. I really am sorry! Good news is the next chapter is written, I'm just going over it a couple more times before posting it. I'm sorry if the guys are a little OOC. I've tried to keep the flow of the story but my long break might have messed with it. Let me know what you think! I will keep trying my best! Thank you, thank you, thank you for reviews and adds. Feel free to stop by my profile and/or leave me a message! ~Ayaka


	23. Chapter 23

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Saiyuki. I'm just borrowing the boys for non-moneymaking uses!

*************

Goku stood frozen with Sanzo's gold card held between two fingers. His eyes flickered with fear. I understood; that same feeling was churning in my gut. There was no way we could convince ourselves Sanzo was just out walking. Something _or someone_ must have happened to him.

"Ha...Hakkai?" Goku's voice was pleading as he looked past the card at Hakkai.

I couldn't bring myself to speak. I didn't have the reassurance that Goku was looking for. Hakkai stood looking at Goku. I could tell he was thinking things through.

"Goku...Sanzo will be fine. We just need to work quickly."

Hakkai's voice broke through my fear. "Yeah monkey, it's _Sanzo_ we're talking about here."

Goku nodded his head as he shoved the card into his pocket. Hakkai had begun to walk around the area. He was looking at the ground carefully. The loud drunk guys had grown quiet watching us. I looked at them from the corner of my eye. Curiosity was written all over their faces. I wanted to punch someone.

"Whatcha boys lookin' for?"

So the smaller one had a voice after all. I gave him a go to hell look then continued to ignore him once again.

"Lose somethin'?"

What was with these assholes? It's like they were _looking_ for a fight. If I heard much more from them, I was going to knock all three of them on their asses.

"The blonde..."

I stopped in place. I could feel Goku and Hakkai freeze too. Once he realized he'd gained our attention the big guy continued.

"He's a pretty hot piece. One of you has got to be getting a little action with him."

Goku moved so fast I barely saw him. He hit the guy hard enough to knock him out with one hit. I heard the crunch as the guy's nose was broken. He lay flat on his back with blood smeared across his face.

Hakkai and I darted to Goku, reaching him at about the same time.

"Any one else have something to say about Sanzo?"

Goku was frantic. I could tell he wanted to rip into these guys and was barely holding himself back. I was afraid to touch him. His anger radiated in waves from his body. Hakkai was the brave one.

"Goku..." Hakkai lightly rested a hand on Goku's shoulder. "Goku? This isn't helping Sanzo right now."

Goku stopped rocking on his feet. His breathing began to steady. The two remaining guys never took their eyes from him. Hakkai had stepped away and bent over to look at the ground near Goku's feet. He'd obviously seen something that I missed. He stood up quickly and took a step toward the small guy.

"What can you tell us about the demons in this area?"

Shorty flinched at Hakkai's voice. I stepped to the other side of Goku and crouched down to check the area that had caught Hakkai's interest. There was blood. It didn't look like there had been a fight, but a body had been there.

I looked up to see why the guy hadn't responded. He stood there like a goddamn asshole, his eyes wide with fear. Hakkai began to step closer. I stood up and cut in front of Hakkai. I grabbed the guy by the front his shirt and brought my face down to his.

"You gonna answer the question?"

The idiot's mouth flew open, but he still didn't respond. It took every bit of control I had to keep from punching him in his ugly face.

"We don't have a lot of time here buddy. Looks like our friend ran into some trouble and I'm betting you might know something about it." My weapon appeared in my hand.

"Wa...wait!" The guys hands flew up into the air. Finally a response. "We had nothing to do with it! I swear! I have no idea what happened. We only came out here right before you guys came walking by."

Small guy's eyes were big round circles. They kept darting from Goku to my weapon as his tongue flicked out and licked nervously at his lips. It was almost funny.

Hakkai was on my left side, Goku behind me. Both were ready to take the guy or his buddy down. Worry for Sanzo gnawed at the back of my mind wanting release. He was a tough bastard, but he was still only human. Hakkai spoke beside me.

"Could you just tell us about the demons in the area? There have been recent problems?"

The guy nodded his head. I removed my hand from his shirt but let my weapon remain. Didn't want the asshole running off.

"We've had some problems. There's a group of demons that have been hanging out around here for the last week. Every couple of days there's an attack. Usually at the edge of the town. They don't usually come this far in. They'll burn a few buildings and take some humans. We just stay inside the town at night."

"They must have a camp set up around here somewhere if they keep attacking." Goku sounded excited as he spoke to Hakkai.

"They may have known we were coming this way. It does seem unusual for such a small group of demons to attack such a large town. I'm beginning to think this was planned."

I reached out to grab at the guy's shirt again. "Oi, you know where they may be staying?"

The other guy who had been silent the entire time his friends had goaded us, earning themselves threats and a punch to the face, finally spoke up.

"They're to the west of here. Just as you leave town, there's a small forest. I'm pretty sure they've set up there. There's a large cave behind a waterfall. My guess is that's where you'll find them."

"And why should we trust you? You seem to know an awful lot about it." It seemed suspicious to me.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I used to play down there with my friends when we were kids. It's a good spot to hide."

I looked at Hakkai to see what he thought.

"It's all we have Gojyo, even if we are being set up. I don't like this, but we have to get to Sanzo quickly."

Goku was nodding his head. His eagerness for us to be on our way was apparent.

"Alright." Once again I released the little guy. He dropped to the ground next to his big ugly friend who still hadn't come to. I silently admired Goku's work. Must have been quite a punch to knock the guy out like that.

"Let's go."

* * *

I hated to admit it, but it was kinda fun getting to sit in the front seat of the Jeep next to Hakkai. We were once again headed west and to the outskirts of town. I could tell Hakkai was thinking deeply about the situation. Goku sat in the back staring off into the distance. I wanted to shake him.

I looked over at Hakkai and watched as the wind blew through his hair. It was only ruffled slightly since our speed was slower inside the town. My heart felt full of happiness and heavy at the same time. I really didn't want to be worried about the goddamn monk. Not now, not when Hakkai and I had really worked some things out. I was just thinking about lighting up a cigarette when Goku leaned forward against the back of my seat. His head was close to mine and his voice was low in my ear.

"Are you in love with him Gojyo?"

My head snapped back against the seat in surprise. I looked over at Hakkai thinking that was who Goku had meant.

"Because if you are, I want to..." Goku's voice caught in his throat. I tilted my head to the side to focus on him. The anguish on his face wrenched at my heart. It hit me then that he'd been talking about Sanzo. I suddenly felt horrible. The little monkey was beside himself with worry for the monk.

"Goku, hey man, I..." Goku cut me off before I could continue.

"Because I love him Gojyo. I love him and I don't want you to hurt him."

It wasn't surprise or shock, it was a completely jarring blow to my chest when I realized what he was trying to tell me.

"Please Gojyo, if you're going to be with him, just don't hurt him."

I was speechless. The monkey was confessing his love for Sanzo to me. He was even going so far as to "let me have him" if it was what would make Sanzo happy. And I'd always thought it was more of a father and son relationship...

I could see Hakkai pretending not to notice my little chat with Goku. Suddenly the whole situation was funny to me. The man I really wanted to be with was sitting next to me while the monkey was offering up the man he loved. I threw my head back as I laughed loudly.

"No worries you dumb monkey. He's all yours."

Goku's eyes flashed with relief and then anger.

"Then why did you!.."

He couldn't bring himself to complete the sentence. I chuckled to myself and lit a cigarette.

"Look, Goku, it wasn't like _that_ ok? I know you're worried about him. We're going to find him and bring him back in one piece."

"Please don't worry Goku, Sanzo is going to be fine." Hakkai was still focusing on the road as he spoke. We were very close to the edge of town.

Goku looked relieved as he glanced at Hakkai.

"See monkey? Hakkai says it's gonna be ok. We'll have that monk back with us in no time and you can make your confession then!" I smirked and hoped I'd be around to see Sanzo's reaction.

Goku was frozen in his seat. There was a look of horror on his face. Hakkai was just stopping the Jeep.

"Wait a minute Goku. You didn't..." Goku closed his eyes. "Oh fuck. You did, didn't you?"

Hakkai turned around in his seat. "Goku, did you tell Sanzo that you love him? Is that why he left?"

Goku nodded solemnly. Hakkai and I turned to stare at each other. _Well damn._

There was a moment of silence as everyone absorbed the situation. Hakkai was the first to break the quiet.

"Well, this is it." He was getting out of the Jeep. "I think we should start here."

I watched as Goku opened his eyes and nodded. He jumped from the back as I exited the front. As much as I wanted to question him about his fight with Sanzo, I knew were were probably walking into a different sort of fight now.

I looked around at the tall trees that had been sparse as we were leaving the town and had somehow grown into a forest now that we had exited. Hakaryuu had changed back into dragon form and was perched on Hakkai's shoulder. Hakkai was absentmindedly rubbing the dragon under his chin as he too looked around.

"Let's start by looking around first. Just keep an eye out for some sign of Sanzo or demons."

"Alright Hakkai." Goku walked away toward a small path between the trees. I went and stood next to Hakkai. He looked up at me.

"Let's stick close to him. He's hurting and confused, not to mention worried sick about Sanzo."

"I know Hakkai."

"And Gojyo...do try not to pick on him _too much _right now."

I grinned and tossed my finished cigarette to the ground. I stepped on it to make sure it was out. "I shall try and restrain myself 'Kai."

We moved together to follow after Goku into the forest.

****************

A/N: Thanks again to all my readers. I appreciate all of you! Much love. Hope this is still enjoyable. I have more chapters just waiting to be looked over. They will be up soon! Please feel free to stop by my profile and check out other stories or drop me a note. Thanks for all the reviews and favorites!!! ~Ayaka


	24. Chapter 24

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

* * *

It was eerily quiet as we walked through the forest searching for some kind of sign that Sanzo had passed through. Hakkai and I followed silently behind Goku. The monkey's shoulders were drooping but other than that, there were no outward signs of his worry. His head moved from side to side as he searched about in the darkness. I wondered if he knew something we didn't. I turned to ask Hakkai a question but he shook his head at me and placed a finger upon his lips, wanting me to keep quiet. He tilted his head toward Goku. I looked back at the monkey, this time really _looking_. I realized he _did_ know where he was going.

Goku's body became rigid as he followed a straight path toward whatever it was his senses were picking up on. I could feel the thick heat and smell the sickening sweetness that usually warned my body that demons were near by. The further we walked, the heavier the air grew. Goku stopped suddenly in his tracks and turned back to face us. His voice was quiet as he spoke.

"He's nearby. I can feel him."

Hakkai nodded silently and I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. My skin was prickling and I itched to call my weapon. I didn't think the demons knew we were close by, but the three of us knew they were there.

We closed the gaps between us and moved carefully. I could hear a tinkling rush of water in the near distance. It sent a tingling through my body and I laid my hand on Hakkai's arm wanting to guide him closer toward the sound. His eyes met mine and we spoke silently through them, not wanting to make a sound and risk alerting the demons to our presence.

Our steps led us closer to a break in the trees and a large clearing. An outcropping of rocks with a small waterfall rushing over the edge was on one side. The water cascaded into a pool at the bottom which then flowed into a darkened cave. It was just as the man from town had told us; a perfect camp for a group of demons.

Around the pool of water a group of 20 or so demons had set up a makeshift living area. Dirty tents littered the area along with a few rings that held large campfires. I scanned the area looking for blonde hair. Nothing looked familiar. Goku had said he knew Sanzo was there and I could feel it to. They probably had the damn monk chained up somewhere.

Goku, Hakkai, and I stepped back making sure to conceal ourselves. We spoke in hushed whispers as we discussed our plan of action.

"There aren't that many of 'em. We could take 'em no problem." Goku was anxious to charge in and fight.

"Something just doesn't feel right, Goku. It seems too easy."

"What do you mean Hakkai?" They just looked like a bunch of idiot demons to me.

"They're out in the open. I didn't notice anyone on watch. They appear to be pretty confident."

"They're _always _confident Hakkai!" Goku actually had a good point.

"Goku, please, I know you're worried but I really don't think we should just rush in there. We can't even tell where they are holding Sanzo."

"_We can take them!"_ Goku's voice sounded frantic. I was a little surprised by his insistence.

I looked at Hakkai trying to read his thoughts. His eyes had grown dark. I could tell he was worried. He was at war with himself, trying to do the right thing, the safe thing, and the best thing that would help Sanzo in this situation.

"Alright, we move together. Don't let them separate us. We find Sanzo and we get him out immediately."

The monkey was practically jumping in anticipation. "Alright! Let's get 'em!"

Hakkai placed a hand on Goku's arm to quiet him. "Please Goku, be careful. I truly have a bad feeling about this. Think of Sanzo and what is best for him."

Goku settled down and nodded very seriously. "I understand Hakkai."

Hakkai's eyes met mine and I nodded to him. I trusted Hakkai's instincts. I hated to admit it, but I felt a little anxious about it all myself. I would stick to Hakkai until we were safely out of there.

* * *

We casually walked into the clearing as a group. My fingers flexed at my side as I tried to keep from calling my weapon too soon. The demons grew silent as we moved closer. There was no way to sneak around their camp. It was open in the front and protected from behind by the waterfall and pool. It may have been the only defense they had planned.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

A demon with long inky black hair arose from a stump he had been using as a seat. He was tall and surprisingly well muscled. He would have almost been considered good looking if his eyes weren't so wild and his grin crooked.

"We've been expecting you." His laugh was a sneer. I wanted to wipe it off his face. Fuck my weapon, I wanted to feel the bones of his face crunch underneath my fist when I hit him.

His laugh was loud. "Is that so half-breed?"

I froze. He'd called me a fucking half-breed...and he knew what I'd been thinking. _Shit._ Hakkai was stiff beside me as he realized what had just happened. At least we knew what we were up against. We'd just have to watch and figure out the limits of his mind reading abilities. Hakkai cleared his throat beside me.

"We're looking for a friend of ours. Maybe you've seen him?"

More laughter. "Yeah, we've seen him. Up close too. You're welcome to have him back."

This was too easy. I scanned the area, trying to find the spot where they had hidden Sanzo. I figured it had to be the cave. Only one way in or out. It would be the easiest way to keep watch on him.

"That is good news. We'll take him and be on our way." Hakkai smiled politely. It didn't quite reach his eyes. He also knew something was up.

"Wonderful! We'll just take that scripture you've got in exchange then." He held out a clawed hand, inviting Hakkai to step forward and place the scroll there.

Hakkai continued to smile without moving. "I think not. We're here for Sanzo and if you're not willing to give him to us, we'll just have to take him back."

A roar of laughter grew throughout the camp. It seemed that every demon stood there laughing at us. A horrible feeling washed through my body as I watched Hakkai wave Hakaryuu away to safety. There was something different about these assholes.

"I really can't wait to watch you try." The big guy seemed to fade away as the other demons surged forward.

The demons were upon as all at once. I called my weapon and slammed my back against Hakkai's and Goku's. We formed a triangle and I began swinging away. The chain of my shakujou was clinking as it swung out at my first opponent. The bastard side stepped it, smiling the entire time. His speed was impressive, even for a demon. I growled and swung again. The blade sliced along his belly leaving a bright crimson trail in it's wake. The force of the blow pushed me back into Goku and Hakkai and left me breathless.

_What the hell?_

I could hear Hakkai's grunts behind me as he used his chi to send out the bursts of energy that should have been taking out multiple demons at once. There was no time to think as the demons were all around us pushing in and forcing us tightly against each other.

"What the _fuck_ Hakkai?"

"They do seem unusually strong don't they?"

"Goddamit! Hakkai, Gojyo! What the hell is going on!?"

I felt the coolness at my back as Goku stepped away needing more room to maneuver. There was a sick twisting in my gut at the thought of us splitting up. I knew it would be a bad move, but it wasn't helping us any to stay this close.

"_Fuuuck!"_ I growled and stepped forward. I was swinging with all the strength I had in me. Every time my weapon connected, I was forced back from the resistance. The bastards were _strong._ They were stronger than they should have been. I barely had time to look around but when I did I realized we hadn't made much progress.

"Hakkai, Hakkai!!"

I turned to look toward Goku's panicked shouts. He was pointing toward the area of the cave. I was swinging and twisting to get a look at what he was pointing at. It was Sanzo. A bloody and badly beaten Sanzo. He was tossed limply over a demon's shoulder as he headed toward the mouth of the cave. Another demon along with the one who was obviously the leader led the way. Sanzo had been _right fucking there._ It hurt to think we were so close and now he was being moved away from us.

"_SANZO! SANZOOO!" _Goku was shouting frantically, calling out to the monk repeatedly as his nyoi-bo sliced through the air making contact with anything unlucky enough to get in it's way. The sweat was beginning to run down my arms. I was working harder at this fight than I usually did while fighting twice as many demons on my own. Every one of these bastards should have been down by now. Something was giving them the abnormal strength and I had the feeling it was that black-haired bastard.

Hakkai was flushed and panting. I tried to move closer to offer him some backup. He obviously needed a little breathing time. His groans were ripped from his chest as wave after wave of light flew from his body and crushed the demons back. The assholes just kept getting back up. I waited for Hakkai as he sent another blast and stepped forward to slice at the demons who had fallen. I managed to knock down two of them and they _didn't get up._ It was going to take fucking forever this way, but at least we'd figured something out.

Goku was so noisy behind us. He was shouting in anger and out of fear for Sanzo. I couldn't really blame him. If it had been Hakkai slumped over some demon's shoulder all passed out and bleeding badly, I would have felt the same way. Those thoughts made my heart pound and my blood race. I couldn't lose Hakkai.

I was bleeding, sweaty, I couldn't breathe, and my body was growing numb. I felt like we'd been hacking away at these guys for hours. Hakkai suddenly dropped to his knees. I moved faster than I would have ever thought I could move. I was standing before him blocking him from the demon who tried to jump him. The crescent of my shakujou caught the demon across the face and he fell back limply, his hands pressed tightly against the cut, blood oozing from the wound. It occurred to me then to go for the eyes. If the bastards couldn't see, then their strength meant nothing.

I pulled at Hakkai trying to raise him to his feet as I shouted, "Goku! Goku, you dumb monkey. They eyes man! Go for the fucking eyes."

Goku's voice was an angry roar, "_I'm on it and don't. Call. Me. A. Monkey. Asshole!"_

I actually laughed. I laughed and felt the joy spread throughout my body. We had them now. I slashed away at the demons all while keeping Hakkai close. I could feel him regaining his strength against me. I was really starting to feel better about things. I aimed for the eyes and once the bastards couldn't see, I took them down.

It wasn't long before we stood in the center of the twenty or so fallen demons. My breathing was heavy and ragged. The drenched bandanna wrapped around my head was no longer keeping the sweat from my eyes. Hakaryuu landed on Hakkai's shoulder and nuzzled his cheek. The soft "chuu" was barely audible. Hakkai rubbed a finger underneath the small chin and whispered a gentle reassurance. I half wished he'd been whispering to me.

"We need to get to Sanzo." Goku's eyes were wild and glassy.

"We will Goku. This was just...more than we expected."

"Yeah monkey. If these guys were this tough, imagine what we're going to be up against with the big boss man."

Hakkai placed a hand gently on my shoulder and shook his head. He wanted me to take it easy with Goku. We didn't want him pushed too far. We knew from experience what would happen to him if he became too upset about Sanzo. A visit from the Seiten Taisei was the last thing we needed.

"Did you see how badly he was bleeding?" I could no longer see the monkey's eyes. He was looking down at the sound of tears played at the edge of his voice.

"We saw, Goku. He's going to be fine. It's Sanzo, remember?"

Goku looked up at Hakkai and the tears were glittering on his cheeks. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't..."

"Goku, this has nothing to do with you."

"Yes Hakkai, it does! Sanzo would never have left if I hadn't told him..."

"Goku, this does no good for Sanzo." Hakkai was once again waving Hakaryuu away into the night. "We're going to go get him now. We'll fight until he is with us again and you can apologize to him then."

Goku ran a dirty hand against his eyes. I could see his entire body stiffen with resolve. "You're right Hakkai. I'm going to save him, even if it costs me my own life."

Goku took the initial step toward the cave. I let my eyes linger on Hakkai. The bad feeling was still gripping my heart.


	25. Chapter 25

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

* * *

The path into the cave behind the waterfall was rocky and more than a little slippery. I carefully chose my steps in the dark while trying to focus on any ambush or surprises that I fully expected at any moment. Now would be the perfect time for the remaining demons to overtake Goku, Hakkai, and me. The rushing water was singing out to me. I wanted to jump in and rinse the blood and filth from my body. The demons had certainly been tough. Droplets of water landed on my face and hair when we were closer the the waterfall. Just a few more steps and we were standing behind the cascading water.

The mouth of the cave was dark. The only source of light was the moon outside and that didn't last once we began moving further inside. Goku pushed forward with absolutely no fear. I was feeling anxious for Hakkai. There was nothing good about any of this. We were being drawn into the cave for a reason. I brushed my fingers against Hakkai's palm. He caught them in his hand and gave them a quick squeeze before releasing them. My heart jumped into my throat. I just got Hakkai back. I wasn't losing him again. That had become my mantra.

The more we walked, the more humid it grew. The oppressive stickiness pressed against my chest making it hard to breathe. I could feel Hakkai and Goku close to me in the darkness. Their life force was stinging my skin. Goku's especially. It burned bright and hot in his anger. The walls of the cave were suddenly vibrating around us. The voice that rang out loud and clear in the darkness made my own anger surge.

"That was much faster than I expected. I guess everything I've heard about the Sanzo party is true."

When we remained silent, the black-haired bastard started to laugh.

"Please, pardon my rudeness!"

Light suddenly filled the cave and we were standing at the entrance of a large dome shaped "room." The ceiling and walls were strangely smooth. It made me think it had once been filled with water. The demon leader stood at the back of the room, his two henchmen flanked his sides. Off to the left Sanzo lay in a heap, unmoving, on the floor. Most of his black shirt was missing and his jeans were torn and dirty, like he'd been dragged along the ground. My heart was pounding just looking at our monk near death and being unable to go to him immediately. Goku was practically foaming at the mouth. Hakkai was the only one of us who seemed to be in control of his feelings. My rage continued to build.

"You know my demons had five times the strength of a normal demon. You boys managed to defeat them anyway. What is it about you that is so damn special?"

I couldn't control myself. It was too much. "You son of a bitch. I'm gonna rip you apart piece by piece and shove those pieces up your fucking ass."

My weapon was itching in my hands while I listened to that bastard laugh.

"And don't you want to ask how they got that strength?" Stupid asshole just ignored me. His question was directed at Hakkai.

"One would assume you had something to do with it." Hakkai kept his voice even and free of emotion.

"I did!" The stupid demon was grinning like a kid in a candy shop. He was so damn proud of himself. "I gave it to each and every one of them. And do you know what I got in return?"

Hakkai just looked at him, knowing that he was going to tell us whether we wanted to know or not.

"I can give anyone five times their normal strength and I get any special powers they may have in return. If there's nothing particularly special about them, I get their strength when they die."

That stupid bastard was so damn happy to tell us that. Like he knew there was no way we would ever be able to defeat him. It made me want to beat him to a bloody pulp all the more. I hated to be underestimated. The demon was laughing again.

"Red! You're so hot tempered! And you...Hakkai?" At that Hakkai gave a little start. The demon licked his lips and continued, "You like that temper of his don't you? You're also worried about the trouble it's going to cause."

I growled in anger and squeezed my fists around my weapon. I didn't want that bastard in Hakkai's mind. The demon cocked his head at a weird angle and looked at Goku.

"You. I have a hard time reading you. There's a...blank spot. There are also many lives in your head." He stared harder at Goku like he was thought he was going to finally understand something. I understood that this fight would be even harder than expected with an opponent that could read our movements.

When Hakkai spoke, he seemed to break the demon from a sort of trance. "Well, I'm glad you could give us a demonstration of your skills. Is there anything else we should know? You said you gained the powers of other demons. What else can you do?"

Another loud laugh. "Uh, uh. It wouldn't be any fun if I told you, now would it? Why don't we get this over with so I can take that scroll along with your lives." He waved to the two demons who had been waiting patiently beside him. They moved quickly toward us.

Goku didn't even take a moment to glance at the two demons. He was running with incredible speed toward Sanzo, knowing Hakkai and I would take care of them. I let him go as I focused on the next battle.

In the end, it really wasn't much of a battle. I was a little worn out from earlier, but I'd learned how to get rid of the bastards easily. A couple of quick swipes at the two and I had them blinded. Hakkai took them down and with a smooth slice I'd severed their heads. Not hard at all.

I tried not to let the smirk I felt inside reach my lips. It was still a bit early to get too cocky. If that bastard had all the powers of the dead demons _and_ their strength, he was going to be one tough son of a bitch. I turned to Hakkai who was watching the leader and Goku.

Goku was on his knees a couple of feet away from Sanzo. Some sort of invisible shield had been placed before Sanzo making it impossible for Goku to reach him. The monkey was howling in anger and cursing the demon for stopping him. There were tear stains on his dirty cheeks. Even though I would never admit it to him in a million years, it tore at my heart. If it were Hakkai...hell, it was bad enough that it was Sanzo. In a strange, twisted way, I loved that damn bastard too.

Hakkai placed a hand on Goku's shoulder to pull him back and up. His green eyes never left the leader. On closer inspection that asshole was much uglier than I'd first thought. His face was pockmarked and dirty. His muscles were straining against his tightly stretched skin. It made me want to throw up to see his grinning face. I hated feeling like we were in trouble.

Goku stood in front of Hakkai and leaned against him for support. His body was shaking in anger. Hakkai still had his hand in place.

"Goku..."

"No Hakkai, I've had enough. We have to get Sanzo help _now."_

Goku plunged forward, his weapon already in hand. The demon was laughing. I could see the pure bliss on his face. He was _enjoying_ the fight, _enjoying_ our worry and Goku's helplessness. I took a step forward to help Goku when Hakkai slowed me with a hand on my arm.

"Please, be careful."

His green eyes flashed his worry and I loved him more than I had ever loved anything in that moment. I nodded to him and rushed forward to join Goku.

We fought hard, fought with everything we had. Hakkai threw up his chi to shield us more than a few times. Every time I turned and saw Sanzo laying there it seemed like there was more blood pooling around him. It would scare me, then make my anger rise so I would fight even harder. I could never get a solid hit on the demon bastard. He moved like he weighed nothing and when one of us should have connected, he managed to use his shield to protect himself.

The harder we fought, the more he laughed. Hakkai was breathing heavily beside me. His attacks had slowed. He was reserving his energy for something more serious. Just throwing chi balls at the demon was doing nothing. I tried to get Goku's attention to tell him to move back, but he just kept attacking. I knew at the rate we were going, we would run out of energy and eventually fall. It was then that we discovered the bastard could use fire. It wasn't anything amazing, just small balls of heat that made the skin blister if they touched you. I found that out firsthand. They hurt like a bitch and pissed me off even more.

Goku was bleeding from cuts all over his body. His breathing had also grown heavy and ragged. We were fighting an enemy who could shield himself from movements that he knew were coming. I squeezed my eyes shut for only a moment. I quickly tried to think of a way to combat this bastard. I opened my eyes just in time to see Goku's nyoi-bo connect with the demon's skull. Suddenly, everything appeared to move in slow motion. His head flew back as blood rained through the air. Goku was grinning and moving in for another attack. At the same time Hakkai had dashed for Sanzo. The scroll was in his hand as he bent down to kneel at Sanzo's side. Hakkai tucked it under Sanzo's body and felt around to check his breathing. I turned back to Goku in time to see him being thrown backwards. He flew through the air like a doll. The demon's hand was out toward Hakkai. His body appeared enormous as the lights in the cave began to flicker.

I moved faster than I had ever moved in my entire life. The bastard was building up his chi. A black mass of sparks was at his fingers. It was the complete and utter opposite of the pure light that Hakkai produced. My heart was racing as I moved to stop him from hurting Hakkai. I jumped and swung my weapon. The clanking of the chains sent shivers down my spine. I felt it make a connection at the same time a clawed hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed. I was lifted from the ground. My weapon fell to floor below while my feet dangled and everything began to grow black. The talons were digging into my throat. I could feel the blood dripping down my chest. The last thought I had as I was flung to the ground was one of relief that Hakkai was safe for the moment. I lost consciousness.

* * *

I looked up just in time to see Gojyo thrown to the ground. My heart practically stopped in my chest when I looked upon Gojyo's body. I feared he was dead. Goku was shouting Gojyo's name over and over. It was a loud roar in my ears. At the same time, the demon was growling in anguish. Gojyo had managed to cut off his arm.

I moved quickly from the ground and rushed for Goku. Now that Gojyo was down it was just the two of us. We needed to get help as soon as possible for Sanzo and Gojyo. I was alarmed that we would lose both of them now.

The demon had fallen to his knees grasping at his arm. There was blood everywhere. He was cursing Gojyo. The air around him was heavy with his fury. The light in the cave continued to flicker with his wavering control. I grabbed Goku and bolted back to Sanzo. I dropped him next to the broken body and tried my best to gain his attention. Goku was frantic in his despair. I tried to calm him by placing my hands on his shoulders and sending my chi gently into his body. I spoke quietly so he would have to stop his shouting in order to hear me.

"Goku...Goku. I need you to listen. Focus on me please Goku." His golden eyes began to focus on my face. When the glazed look had passed I tried to speak calmly and clearly. I needed Goku to help me end things quickly.

"Goku. We need to hurry now. Both Sanzo and Gojyo will be dead soon if we can't get them out of here."

Goku whimpered but remained intent. Before I continued, I nodded, letting him know I understood how hard this was for him.

"I'm going to take off my limiters Goku. I don't have the strength or energy for a drawn out battle."

"Hakkai! No! I can do this. We just need to..."

"Goku! We need to move quickly. I can control myself better than you can therefore I'm the best choice."

"But my strength Hakkai!"

"I can't control you Goku. You know that."

The demon was beginning to stand up. There was no more time to argue. I reached up and took a clip from my ear. I was sliding the second from it's place when Goku turned and began speaking to Sanzo in hushed tones. I tried my best to focus on Goku's words but I could already feel the change surging through my body. I could stop it, but I felt my best chance of handling the demon leader would be in my own demon form. I removed the last cuff and let the burning sensation lick through my body.

The urge for blood and death was overwhelming but it felt so good to release my inner monster. I had to constantly speak with myself in my mind to make sure I stayed in control. When I was like _this, _it was so easy to forget.

Goku's voice was immediately like a screeching in my ears. I could always hear so much better when I was a demon. His frantic, urgent whispers made me want to rip his throat out in annoyance. I kept myself in check, refusing to look at him. I listened and watched the demon who was my true enemy. Goku was apologizing to Sanzo that we hadn't been there, that it was his fault Sanzo was in this situation, that he would make everything right. I rolled my eyes in disgust and once again contained the urge to fight Goku.

The big demon was grinning and letting his eyes wander over me. He snarled a laugh.

"I feel honored Hakkai. It's a rare occasion when one gets to see you in this form."

My voice was raspy and harsh when I spoke. "It means your death."

I rushed forward, leaving Goku to his apologies and used my speed to gain an advantage. My fist slammed against the demon's jaw and knocked him backwards. He slid back a foot and wiped blood from his mouth as he grinned. There were no words between us, just heat and anger and excitement at the fight we knew would come.

Lunging forward, I managed to get a hold on the thick neck of the long haired demon. I let my claws sink into his flesh. My hands tingled at the thrilling sensation. I watched entranced as my nails dug in and the blood began to roll in thin rivulets down his neck. I licked at my lips and began to wonder if maybe I could make it _pour_ from deeper gashes. It was the husky voice of the demon that broke me from my trance.

"Hakkai. You're just as bad as the boy over there. There are two of you in there. I can hear the control you're exerting over him."

"That's where you are wrong." I could feel my anger rising, the _need_ to rip him to pieces was growing by the second. "There is no other. Only me. I am me and these thoughts are mine. I _do_ want to rip your throat out. It doesn't matter what form my body takes."

I let the dark green vines slither from my body and wrap themselves snugly around his throat. When I squeezed my hand they squeezed too. I could feel the demon's breath trapped beneath my hand and I was filled with joy. I lifted him and threw him against the wall of the cave. His body crashed into the rocks and slid with a sick cracking sound that brought me pleasure.

I took a moment to check on Gojyo. Even in this form I could not forget him. It was one of the few things that kept me from letting my morbid thoughts take over completely. One can not love when fully entrenched in thoughts of blood and death. I held onto my lucidity for him. He was my reason.

The demon was rising from the rubble that had fallen to the floor of the cave. His eyes had gone wild with his irritation and rising fear. His remaining hand clenched into a fist at his side as he inhaled and exhaled rapidly.

"You son of a bitch. I'm going to kill you and your friends and take all the glory for myself."

He aimed his blistering fire at me. I used all my speed to dance around it. I pounded my hand against the floor of the cave and allowed the vines to extend and cover the floor. They raced along and wound around the leader's ankles and up his legs. They pulled him to the ground, cutting him deeply everywhere they touched. He shouted his anger. A pulsing heat grew in a wave over the cave and knocked me flat on my back.

I lay there a moment trying to regain my breath, feeling as if all the air had been forced from my lungs. I heard Goku coughing in spasms off to the side. Whatever that bastard had done had affected all of us. I began coughing too as the oxygen flooded back into my body. It was abruptly cut off again by the large boot shoved against my throat. That fucking demon towered over me chuckling at my position beneath him.

"Very nice try Hakkai. I should have expected no less from the man who bathed in the blood of a thousand demons, but you forgot about all the powers I haven't told you of. And there _are more._"

Spittle and blood ran from the corner of his mouth and dripped down his chin. My control was beginning to slip with my fight for oxygen. The vines were snaking out on their own to force the demon back when he was suddenly ripped away from me.

I coughed and shook as I started breathing again. I rolled to my side bringing Sanzo's body into my direct line of sight. Goku's coronet lay on it's side against Sanzo's cheek and neck, discarded in haste. My heart sped up when I realized I would now have the demon leader _and_ an awakened Goku to contend with. I gave myself a second longer to reestablish my breathing.

I arose on shaky legs and took in the fight before me. Goku was like a streak of colors across the cave. His movements went beyond any normal speed. His snarls and growls reverberated throughout the cave. His claws were ripping at the demon's flesh sending blood spraying in all directions. I took a few steps toward them but stopped when I could feel a change in Sanzo's chi. It wavered for a moment, almost going out completely before coming back. It was growing in strength. He groaned and made a slight movement then again went still. It wasn't much but relief flowed through my body.

The cave had begun to tremble. Goku and the leader were throwing each other around. When one would slam the other, the walls would shake sending small rocks tumbling to the ground. Goku was out of his mind. The entire cave was going to collapse on top of us and I knew he didn't care. I ran for the two of them and sent my vines along the ground. I wanted to try to help Goku but at the same time I needed to keep him focused on fighting the other demon. If I called too much attention to myself, he would turn on me.

My vines wrapped around the leader's legs and squeezed. He fell to his knees. Goku laughed that horrible gurgling laugh and twisted the demon's other arm back and up. The grinding pop of bones made my heart race with excitement. He was howling in pain and it was like music in my ears. I gathered my vines to me and jerked the demon onto his back. Goku was on top of him before I could draw another breath. The leaves were warm against my skin. I felt flushed and breathless in my enthusiasm. I _wanted_ Goku to make him bleed, _wished I_ could feel the blood as it rushed from his veins. I once again kept myself still. Goku was likely to make me bleed if I couldn't control myself.

Breathing rapidly, I stood there and watched the defeat of the demon leader who had caused us so much trouble. Skin was in shreds, blood in pools, and Goku was still battering away at the bastard. I couldn't really say I blamed him. My eyes were glazed over as I just _stood there. _Goku threw his head back and laughed into the darkening cave. My awareness came rushing back to me. I was going to be alone in the dark with Goku. The coming darkness signaled the oncoming death of the demon leader. There would no longer be anyone to act as a distraction.

Goku turned his head and stared quite blankly in my direction. My pulse sped up with knowledge at the impending fight. In the last flickering of light, I saw Goku grin. The sharp points of his teeth glittered as the lights went out completely. I had no time to think before he was on me.

I landed hard on the rocky ground, my head snapped backwards and jarred my entire body. I relinquished a little control and let my inner thoughts take the lead. I was going to rip Goku's throat out. I had asked that bastard to stay back and now here I was, body aching, blood everywhere, and needing to reign him in. Pissed off, I threw a fist at his face. The power behind it, pulled at my muscles and sent him backwards. I used all the speed I could muster and ran for the coronet.

The leaves were humming against my skin. Their warmth searing, urging me to turn and fight Goku, to taste his blood, to make him writhe in pain for my own personal enjoyment. I wanted more than anything at that moment to give in.

_Gojyo, Gojyo, Gojyo..._

I repeated his name over and over in my head. Unable to curb my thoughts, I was losing my mastery over them. I had been in this form for too long. I could feel Goku behind me. His laughter like gleeful growls. It made me want to kill him all the more.

I had just grabbed Goku's coronet when the lights returned. They weren't as bright as they had been earlier. This time it was more like a soft glow from a well made campfire. When I turned Goku was so close to me I could feel his breath on my face. His leg went out in a round kick and connected squarely with my shoulder. Bright bursts of pain exploded through my body. My vines whipped out and lashed at Goku cutting him along his arms, legs, and face. He took a step back in surprise before beginning another attack.

To my extreme annoyance the demon leader was once again laughing. I didn't even need his explanation, but of course, he was going to give it.

"I should just let the two of you kill each other."

The only good thing about his pompous speech was that Goku's attention was now focused elsewhere.

"Thought I was dead didn't you? Didn't think about the fact that I could heal myself if given a little time."

_Supercilious bastard._

My control snapped. Goku's coronet fell from my hand and clattered to the ground as a roar escaped from my throat of it's own volition. I was ending this now.

Three things happened all at once that stopped me dead in my rush at the demon. A light as bright as the sun flashed and brightened the cave. Goku fell to his knees with a mad howling. From behind the scroll had awakened and begun extending beyond me, reaching out for the demon. I hesitated then spun on my heels to see Sanzo on his knees. His arm was outstretched, his first two fingers pointing in command of the scroll.

Goku was stumbling toward Sanzo. I was unsure if he was trying to stop him or if he was called to his sun by some deep inner voice. The scroll was wrapping itself around the demon leader. I fell to my knees too tired to care anymore. Everything was going to be all right. The demon's body exploded into tiny particles of light and was gone. Goku had fallen beside Sanzo. He had already reverted back to what we considered normal, the coronet safely in place atop his head. The scroll was flailing back to Sanzo as all the light disappeared. He fell face forward into the dirt, his body stretched out alongside Goku's.

Feeling as if I were drugged, I slowly replaced the three small cuffs on my ear. They were cool and stung me as they slid into place. I braced myself for the pain as my body reverted to it's human state. Everything ached and I was bleeding from numerous wounds. I remained kneeling on the hard earth. I was losing my awareness as the pain rolled over me in waves. We needed to get back to the inn, to find a doctor, and Hakaryuu was the only one who could do it.

When I called Hakaryuu's name it came out rough and whispery. He heard anyway. I knew he would. He landed gently on my shoulder and nuzzled my check in worry. I rubbed him under his chin and whispered reassurances.

"Do you think you could get us to safety my friend?"

"Kyuu, kyuu."

As he transformed I prayed the Jeep would fit through the corridor we had traversed earlier. I went to Gojyo first. Tears stung my eyes as I looked at his body so still on the cold ground. His neck was torn with bloody claw marks, his body a mass of bruises. He had fought hard and in the end, almost given himself to save me. I lifted him carefully and put him into the front seat. I was saving the back for Sanzo as he was in the worst condition of all of us.

Everything went black before my eyes as my body tried to give in to exhaustion. I pushed forward unwilling to give in. _Sanzo...and Goku..._

In the end, I'm unsure of how I managed to get us all into the Jeep and back to the safety of the inn. I only remember falling at the doorstep in the morning sun.


	26. Chapter 26

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki.

* * *

The first thing I saw through cloudy eyes was the stupid monkey. I blinked several times trying to clear the film that obscured my vision before I realized it was the sun that was blinding me. I shifted and tilted my head back to look at the window behind my bed.

"Gojyo?"

My head snapped down. I tried to focus on the voice that had said my name. It was just Goku.

"Goku?" My voice was so hoarse, I wondered if it was really my own.

"Gojyo!! You're awake!"

I groaned and threw my palm against my head. The monkey's high pitched voice ripped through my skull. I tried to sit up and groaned again at the stiffness throughout my body. Remembering what had happened, I was surprised I wasn't in more pain.

"Wait a minute Gojyo. Don't move! Let me get Hakkai."

The monkey jumped up, scraping the legs of the chair against the floor. He was already calling for Hakkai before he'd even reached the door.

I managed to, ungracefully, move into a sitting position. My back was against the wall. I lifted a weak arm to search the drawer of the small bedside table for my smokes. Luck was with me. They were shoved in the back with a lighter inside the pack. I lit one and closed my eyes. I could have wept with joy at the warmth that spread through my body.

When I opened my eyes Hakkai was standing in the doorway of my room. He was dressed in the usual dark green shirt and light pants. There were no words to express my satisfaction at seeing him standing there.

"You're finally awake."

Damn, his voice, it washed through my body in waves. I felt like I hadn't heard it in years.

"How long was I out?"

"Three days." Hakkai stepped into my room.

"Three days eh? That bad?"

"I was beginning to grow worried."

I flicked my ashes into a juice can on top of the little table. "I'm glad to see you're okay."

Hakkai grabbed an ashtray from the larger table where Goku had been sitting. He replaced the juice can with the tray and stood looking down at me from the side of my bed.

"I am okay now. Just a few bumps and bruises. The innkeeper was kind enough to get us all into bed and call a doctor. I took over once I was feeling better."

"Thank you Hakkai." I couldn't quite meet his eyes. I felt...useless.

Hakkai sat down on the edge of the bed. His fingers were warm where he touched my face.

"Your fever seems to have lifted. Your neck has healed well but it will probably be a little stiff and sore for a few more days so you should take it easy."

I nodded and continued to smoke. "I don't feel too bad."

"That's good. Sanzo is still unconscious. I was taking care of him when Goku called for me."

"Is he going to be alright?"

"If he doesn't wake up in the next couple of days I will be extremely worried."

My eyes shifted to Hakkai. It wasn't a good thing if Hakkai was actually worried.

"What about the monkey?"

"He's also worried, anxious, beating himself up. He feels this whole thing was his fault."

"Idiot."

"Will you let me look at the rest of your body? I'd like to see how your other injuries are healing."

I put the cigarette out in the ashtray and eased onto my back. Hakkai began removing the bandages from my chest and stomach. He clucked like a mother hen and let his fingers breezily caress what was left of the cuts and bruises. I could feel the warmth of his chi as he used his life force to help with the healing. I couldn't control my reaction to his touch. My stomach muscles twitched and my skin jumped underneath his fingers. I grabbed his wrist and held it tightly in my hand. Hakkai's eyes met mine. I stared into them, mesmerized by the green that made me breathless.

"Fuck, please Hakkai, please just kiss me."

His reaction was immediate. Heat crowded his eyes. His hand moved to cup my face. When he pressed his lips to mine my entire body shivered. I filled my hands with his soft brown hair and reveled in the feel of him against me. He was the first to break the kiss, his voice shaky when he spoke.

"Let me get my pack. I need to re-bandage a few of those cuts."

I couldn't resist a smirk. "Anything you say doc. I get the hint."

His eyes lingered on mine a moment before he got to his feet.

"I'll come right back."

I smiled and watched him as he left my room. I felt good.

I was surprised when Hakkai quickly poked his head around the door frame.

"Hey Gojyo?"

"Yeah?"

"I missed you."

He disappeared quicker than he had appeared.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Hakkai brought lunch to my room. It had only been a little over twenty four hours since I'd regained consciousness. My body was still stiff and sore but I couldn't stand the thought of lying in bed any longer. Goku and I were sitting at the table, a pack of cards open and laid out before us. Hakkai set the plates of food down and Goku grinned. It was the first smile I'd seen from him all day.

Hakkai pushed a chair from the table and relaxed into it. I watched him from the corner of my eyes as I picked at the food before me. It looked wonderful but I really wasn't that hungry. Of course, I wasn't going to tell that to Hakkai. He was already worried enough about Sanzo.

I watched as Hakkai's long fingers adjusted the monocle resting on the bridge of his nose. I could tell he was tired. My attention turned to Goku when he cleared his throat.

"Uh, Hakkai...is there, um, any change?"

Hakkai sat up a bit straighter. "No Goku. He was hurt quite badly. Sanzo needs the sleep to heal."

Goku hung his head and stared at the table. "What if..."

I couldn't take the kid's moping any longer. "Hey man, it's _Sanzo_ you're talking about. That bastard won't go down so easily. He'll be up in no time."

Goku's head jerked up. He stared at me and a little light began to shine in his eyes.

"Goku, why don't you go sit with him? I'll come to check on him later."

The monkey was frozen in his seat. He looked between the two of us before swallowing hard and standing up. He grabbed a bun from the table and darted for the door waving his hand behind him.

"Thanks for the food Hakkai!"

When the door closed quietly behind Goku, I took a minute to enjoy the silence. I was happy to have Hakkai to myself for a few minutes. I grinned when I thought of what I really wanted to do, if only my body would have cooperated.

"You haven't eaten anything Gojyo."

My eyes shifted guiltily away from Hakkai.

"Are you feeling well?"

"Yes. I'm not lying back down."

"Please don't push your body beyond it's limits. It will take longer for you to heal if you don't take care of yourself."

I grumbled a little and tossed a piece of bun into my mouth. If my eating would make Hakkai feel better, then I'd do it.

"You know, this is the first time Goku has agreed to sit with Sanzo."

I looked up at Hakkai, startled.

"I'm not entirely sure Goku believes Sanzo will wake up. He is still blaming himself for both Sanzo and you."

"So that's why the monkey's been in my room all day." I leaned back and tilted my chair on two legs. Pain shot through my ribs and down my legs. I gently straightened the chair and tried not to let Hakkai see how much it hurt.

"Yes...you know, you _really_ should try getting more rest."

I could feel the warmth of Hakkai's eyes on my body. He was examining me, looking for more signs of pain or tiredness. For once I wished he weren't so perceptive.

"I don't wanna. I'm sick of lying there, of being halfway between asleep and awake."

Hakkai clucked gently at me and stood up from his chair. He walked behind me and remained there quietly. I sat motionless, waiting to see what he would do.

A cool hand caressed the heated skin along my shoulder blade. My breathing wavered. Hakkai's fingers trailed along the ridge and up the length of my neck to rub gently underneath the gathered hair of my pony tail.

"You feel like you have a fever Gojyo."

"Mmmm."

"Will you please lie down now?"

I sighed. Unable to resist his quiet pleading, I grudgingly voiced my agreement. Hakkai let his hand wander down over my shoulder and to my chest. I captured it with my own hand and held tightly.

"You have to join me though."

Hakkai chuckled under his breath. "I don't think that would be for the best."

"Just lie with me? Nothin' else. I swear."

Hakkai's fingers traced circles on my chest as he thought it over for a moment. "I could. For a moment. I told Goku I would check on Sanzo."

"For a minute then. Just lie with me. I'll sleep better if you do."

Hakkai stepped back and I pushed out of my chair. I was glad the bed was only a few feet away. My body hurt more than I expected. I landed in the bed with a thump and carefully rolled over to make room for Hakkai. My heart beat just a little faster when the full length of Hakkai's body was pressed against mine. I couldn't control my sigh of relief. I felt like I'd just been to hell and back. Everything had been so fucked up and after it all, Hakkai was finally right beside me, right where he _should_ be.

We didn't say anything to each other. While there were a million things we could have said, the words just weren't necessary. I rubbed my fingers gently against Hakkai's wrist. He made no move to stop me as my fingers strayed up his arm. His skin was smooth under the pads of my fingers. I could feel the bones and muscles that made up his arm when I pressed harder. I could hardly breathe when I thought of those arms on each side of my head, Hakkai on top of me, whispering my name as he...

I groaned aloud and forced my fingers to stop their exploring. I pushed closer to Hakkai and buried my face in his hair. He smelled so clean and fresh and just...like Hakkai. Like the forest and sky and everything that was _good_. I whispered words into his hair, words that were only for him, words that Sha Gojyo had never said and would _never_ say to another person. Hakkai was breathing deeply beside me. I knew he had fallen asleep and I didn't mind. He was there beside me when I feared he never would be again.

I closed my eyes and breathed him in. It hurt to hold him close but it was worth it. I fell asleep without even knowing I had.


	27. Chapter 27

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Saiyuki.

* * *

Somehow I had fallen asleep beside Gojyo. I shifted in the bed and looked around the room. I was more than a little flustered. I had not meant to fall asleep. Gojyo had a fever and Sanzo was still unconscious in the other room. The group needed me. I must have been sleeping for a couple hours. The room was beginning to darken. It would be night in less than an hour.

I sat up carefully trying not to disturb Gojyo. He needed sleep badly whether he wanted it or not. Sitting on the edge of the bed trying to fully awaken, I rubbed my hand across my face trying to remove the sleep from my eyes. I realized I no longer had my monocle. I knew I must have been quite tired if I had fallen asleep with it still on. I searched carefully around the pillows and found it near Gojyo's elbow. Once it was in place I took a minute to check on Gojyo. His skin was cool to the touch and his breathing was even.

My touch lingered against his cheek. He wouldn't be too happy to know I thought him beautiful. I had failed once at protecting someone I love. I could have lost him too. I felt as if, maybe, I should have. He felt real beneath my fingers and it filled me with happiness. I was deep in remembering when I heard the noise from another room. There was a pounding coming down the hall and suddenly the door to the room was being thrown open. A breathless Goku practically hopped inside, his voice filled the room causing Gojyo to startle awake.

"What the hell?" Gojyo's voice was husky with sleep

"Ha- Hakkai. It's Sanzo! He's waking up!"

"I'm coming Goku." I stood and brushed at my clothes trying to return them to a better state.

"Fuuuuck." Gojyo was groaning in annoyance. He turned and tried to move from the bed.

"Just stay Gojyo. You need more rest."

"I don't wanna miss this."

"Please let me check on him first. I highly doubt he's up for company right now. Goku, would you please stay with Gojyo and make sure he rests?"

"Uh, right Hakkai." Goku plopped into a chair that faced Gojyo. I could hear the two of them beginning to argue as I closed the door behind me. At least some things were getting back to normal.

I quietly opened the door to Sanzo's room. I stepped in, closing it just as gently behind me. Sanzo lay still on the bed. He had one arm bent at the elbow with a hand cupped over his forehead. I couldn't see his eyes but I was sure he was awake.

Sanzo knew I was there. I waited patiently for him to become more cognizant. I moved a chair near the bed and sat down. Sanzo's voice was whispery and rough when he finally spoke.

"I guess that dumbass ape didn't die after all."

I chuckled quietly. It was to be expected that Sanzo's first words would be something harsh.

"He has been extremely worried about you."

"Ch."

Sanzo rubbed his hand across his face and let it drop to the bed. I remained sitting silently. It was easier to allow Sanzo to move at his own pace. There was no reason to push him. I tried to watch Sanzo closely without appearing to do so. He blinked his eyes slowly as if he were remembering. Maybe he was surprised to have opened them at all. His sigh was so slight I would have missed it if I hadn't been paying attention.

"Would you like a glass of water?"

"How about cigarettes?"

I shook my head no. At least I knew he was well on his way to healing.

"Sanzo, may I look at your wounds?"

He didn't refuse.

Leaning over the bed I lightly examined Sanzo's wounds for any sign of infection after removing his bandages. He stayed completely still, uncomplaining. Everything was healing better than expected. I allowed my chi to flow from my body into the injuries under my fingers. Sanzo grunted at the warmth. He knew what I was doing and allowed it. Once I was finished I sat back in my chair to put a little distance between us.

"Sanzo, I know how badly you must be hurting."

He turned his head and violet eyes bored into me. I continued, refusing to let him intimidate me. He really should have known better.

"It would be best if you rested for now. I can bring you food if you feel your stomach can handle it."

"I just want a damn smoke."

I sighed and conceded.

I found a pack of cigarettes in a bag on the floor. Goku had bought a supply of them while we waited for Sanzo to awaken. I gave it to him and helped him sit up, not waiting for him to ask. I knew he hated needing my help. Watching Sanzo as he lit his cigarette, I could see his body visibly relax. I felt it was safe to continue the conversation.

"Gojyo is still healing. He thinks he is well but what he really needs is rest. I do not forsee us leaving any time soon."

"Three days."

"Sanzo, that's just not possible." I grabbed an ashtray and put it on the bed next to him.

He flicked the ashes into it without looking. "Five."

"A week. At the very least." He didn't say anything so I smiled, happy to have won the battle.

I stood and adjusted my clothing as I spoke.

"I'm going to bring you fresh water and a light snack. You may try both if you feel up to it but please remain in bed. The more you rest the faster you will heal. We don't need your wounds becoming infected and a fever right now would be quite alarming."

Sanzo nodded his understanding. I turned to leave but then thought better.

"You know, Goku would probably like to see you. Do you feel up to the company?"

Sanzo was already lighting a new cigarette when he answered.

"Ch. Do what you want."

I nodded and smiled to myself once I had my back to Sanzo. Of course he would want to see Goku and of course, he would never admit it.

Once I was back in Gojyo's room I found him sleeping deeply in bed. Goku was quietly flipping cards right side up from a stack on the table. He looked up expectantly when I entered. I nodded and raised an eyebrow at Gojyo.

"He grumbled a little when you left but fell asleep almost immediately." His voice was barely above a whisper. I also kept my voice low.

"Would you like to help me with food for Sanzo?"

Goku stood up carefully and followed me from the room.

We were halfway to the kitchen before Goku finally spoke up.

"Is he mad at me Hakkai?"

"We didn't really talk about that Goku. I only checked his injuries. When I left he was sitting in bed smoking."

"Really? Then it can't be too bad!"

"Goku, you should know better. Sanzo is still quite injured. It will be some time before he is completely back to normal."

"I...I don't know what I'm going to say to him Hakkai. What if he hates me forever?"

"He doesn't hate you. You know that. Just don't push him right now Goku."

Goku was nodding his head frantically, his big brown eyes open wide. "Okay Hakkai! I'll wait for him."


	28. Chapter 28

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki

* * *

We set about preparing a simple meal for Sanzo. Goku worked diligently. I could tell he was anxious about seeing Sanzo awake. I arranged everything on a tray and asked Goku to bring the pitcher of fresh water.

"Wait a minute Hakkai!" Goku darted from the kitchen and out the back door into the garden. He came rushing back with a large pink flower. He put it in a small cup and added it to the tray. He blushed when he looked up at me and I raised my eyebrows. Goku cleared his throat and took the water from the table.

"Are you ready now Goku?"

He drew in a deep breath and nodded. "Let's go."

Sanzo was still sitting in bed when I entered his room with Goku. His head was jammed against the wall like it was the only thing holding him up. A cigarette hung dangerously between his lips.

"We've brought food Sanzo."

I set the tray on the table and turned to take the water from Goku. His eyes were glued to Sanzo like he was soaking up rays of sunshine after a long spell of rain. I placed the pitcher on the table and moved toward the bed to set up a space for Sanzo to eat. Sanzo was watching Goku through slit eyes. I cleared my throat and the two of them came back to the present.

"Would you like to try something to eat now Sanzo?"

"Just some water."

I poured a small amount into a glass while Goku sat in a chair across the room. I tried to question him with my eyes but he kept his face down. I handed the glass to Sanzo.

"Drink slowly and not too much."

He grabbed the glass and took a big gulp. "Nice flower."

I choked a little and tilted my head toward Goku hoping Sanzo would get the hint.

"We thought it might cheer you up."

Sanzo just grunted and thrust the empty glass at me. He ground his cigarette into the ashtray at his side.

"Where's Gojyo?"

"He's sleeping. He had a fever earlier today so he needs the extra rest."

"Ch."

"What about you Sanzo? How do you feel?"

"How the hell do you think I feel?"

I chuckled quietly. I wasn't going to say the answer out loud. "Why don't you lie back down."

I helped Sanzo ease onto the bed. He stretched out on his side and stared blankly across the room at Goku. I wanted to ask Sanzo a few questions but didn't want to do it with Goku in the room. I was just going to sit when the door eased open and Gojyo's head popped in through the opening.

"Gojyo! What are you doing out of bed?"

"I wanted to see my favorite priest."

There was a small "ch" from the bed.

"You really shouldn't have come here by yourself. What if-"

"Nag, nag. I'm fine Hakkai. Good to see you alive you bastard."

Gojyo began shuffling into the room. I could see it hurt him to be moving around so much.

"Please Gojyo, go back to your room."

"Hakkai, I'm fine."

I sighed. "I'll go with you if you'll please just stop this. I don't have the energy to take care of both you and Sanzo any longer. Don't make things worse."

He froze mid step and looked at me apologetically.

"Sanzo, I will be back in a few minutes. Goku, will you please help him if he decides to eat something. You can find me in Gojyo's room if the need arises."

I put Gojyo's arm around my shoulder and led him carefully from the room.

Gojyo was leaning heavily on me as we walked. His hair was falling messily from his ponytail. It brushed against my cheek and neck and caused little quivers in my stomach. I felt a little guilty considering how uncomfortable he was still feeling. I tried to ignore it and helped him into his room.

"Please don't make me lie back down Hakkai. I just can't take it."

"Are you comfortable when you sit?"

"Anything is better than being in bed right now."

"Why Gojyo, I thought the bed was your favorite place to be?"

Gojyo laughed as I assisted him in to a chair. "That may be the first and _only_ time you will ever hear that come outta my mouth."

It was good to hear him laugh. I was filled with an overwhelming sense of comfort at the sound.

"You mind grabbing my smokes for me?"

I was already reaching for them. I put the pack along with an ashtray within his reach on the table and chose a seat across from him. He lit one quickly and appeared to be quite happy.

"Perfect."

"What is Gojyo?"

He waved the cigarette indicating the room. "This. All of this. Quiet. You and me. Goku in Sanzo's room. I have a cigarette and we have time to talk."

"Indeed. It may be the closest thing to perfection we have had in months."

"You get to talk to Sanzo about things?"

"No. Not like I would like to."

"I wanna know what happened to him."

"I highly doubt Sanzo will be willing to talk about that."

"Then there's no chance in hell we'll find out what he thinks about this thing with Goku." Gojyo chuckled quietly while he flicked the ash from the end of his cigarette. I knew he found it incredibly funny that Sanzo and Goku were in such a position. I felt more than a little sorry for Goku.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with a tightness in my stomach. What must that feel like for Goku? Sanzo was not an easy person to love. It would be an endless struggle for Goku. Just look what had resulted from his simple declaration of love. Looking at Gojyo, I was filled with an immense happiness. Our situation would be tough but I knew Gojyo would be there. He wouldn't hide from me. He would make mistakes yes, but never withhold his love.

Gojyo's head was tilted slightly to the side as he inhaled the smoke from his cigarette. His thick eyelashes fluttered slightly. My eyes traced along the line of his cheek to his chin. His long ponytail trailed over his shoulder, some of the red strands caught along his neck. A feeling of _need_ warmed my body and sent me to my feet.

My chair scraped loudly and startled Gojyo. His eyes darted to mine and the warmth became a burning. The crimson of his eyes pulled at my heart.

"Hakkai?" His voice was thick as if he had sensed my need and was excited.

I had no response for him. I no longer felt like talking. I stood over him and looked down into his face. He was a bit thin and his twin scars stood out with his hair pulled back. I ran my fingers gently over the bottom scar and around to the back of his neck where I pulled the band from his hair. The bright strands loosened in a rush and I thrust my hand into the softness. Gojyo shivered when my fingertips stroked his scalp.

Leaning in closely I kissed the side of his face. His skin was cool on my lips which came as a relief. I wouldn't have continued if he still had a fever. I kissed his lips gently at first. Gojyo's breath caught and I kissed him harder hoping he would quickly open his mouth to me. His lips parted and he moaned when my tongue swept along his bottom lip. I had missed the taste of him, missed the sounds of his lust, missed the feel of his skin. Kissing him deeply, I shifted so I could stand between his legs. Gojyo placed his hands at my hips. The weight of them felt good.

Breaking the kiss I let my hands roam his shoulders and over the muscles of his arms. I was careful to avoid the bandages on his chest and stomach. Kneeling before him I worked gingerly at freeing him from his pants. Gojyo's muscles were trembling, his sigh loud in the room when my mouth wrapped around the head of his hardened penis. My heart was throbbing in my chest. Gojyo tasted wonderful. I had missed that too.

I worked deliberately wanting to draw out Gojyo's pleasure. I licked along his length, just able to look up and see his closed eyes, the long lashes lay against his skin. His hands wound into my hair and tugged gently, urging my mouth to move faster. I sucked at him harder taking in as much of him as possible. I hummed lightly causing Gojyo to growl his want. Taking him in my hand, I massaged firmly. I was rewarded with a deep groan and the twitch of his cock in my mouth. When he came Gojyo tasted sweet and salty and like everything I loved about him.

When he released my hair I chuckled quietly at how tightly he'd been pulling at me. The noises he had made filled me with happiness and I was content to know he felt good.

"I'm ready for bed now. Was that your intention all along?"

I could not control the loud laugh that escaped. Gojyo gently cupped my check. His thumb caressed me softly.

"I wish you would laugh like that more often 'Kai"

The only thing I could do was nod. I knew what he wanted. That laugh meant I had let my guard down. Placing my hand over his on my cheek I stood up and brought him with me.

"Let's get you into bed."  
"You'll join me?"

"I need to check in on Sanzo and Goku."

"Screw Sanzo and Goku. They need a little alone time."

I chuckled. "You are very right about that."

"You know Goku will be in here faster than you can say meatbun if something is wrong."

"I know. I just...I can't help but worry."

"Please 'Kai, please stay with me. Just for now. We'll be on the road soon and who knows when we'll have a chance like this again."

I yielded to his pleas and joined him in the bed.

It was already late into the night. The room was dark, the last of the candles having burned out. Gojyo was on his side, one arm under his head, the other around my waist. His face was buried in my hair. He was completely immersed in holding me. He was whispering into my hair so quietly I couldn't understand what he was trying to tell me. I ran my hand through his hair trying to pull him back a little so I could hear him. He resisted and pulled me closer.

"Gojyo, what's wrong?"

When he didn't reply I let my hand drop to his at my waist. His fingers found and intertwined with mine.

"I'm sorry Hakkai, that I couldn't do more earlier."

"I didn't expect more from you. In truth, I took advantage of your injuries and did as I wanted."

"Thank you. I..." Gojyo's voice faltered.

"Gojyo?"

"I could have lost you to...to hell, to heaven...to Sanzo. I could have lost you Hakkai and somehow I didn't. You're here with me now and I'm scared to let you go."

"I'm not going anywhere Gojyo."  
"And the next time? When we're fighting and you're protecting me and I'm protecting you and I fail? Then what?"

"Then don't fail."

I jumped when Gojyo's laugh broke through the silence. It was deep and loud. It sounded just like the Gojyo I fell in love with.

"What the hell? You're right. Sha Gojyo doesn't fail." He laughed again and nipped at my ear. I wanted to welcome him back. A brooding Gojyo made my heart ache. With his mouth still at my ear his whispered words made my body flush.

"When I'm better, I'm going to bury my cock deep inside you so I can hear my name come from your lips."

My stomach tightened and jumped. I could feel his lips against my ear upturned in a grin.

"You want that too huh?"

"Yes Gojyo, I do."

Gojyo's husky groan was pure heat. I tilted my head to look at his face. He looked back at me, his emotions clear in his eyes. His fear, his need, his want, his love, they were all there. His hand encompassed part of my neck and cheek and held me in place.

"I love you. I do. And I swear I will never fail you."

His kiss was rough, almost frantic. He was begging me to love him too, to believe in him. There was no time to tell him with words that I already did. Gojyo's tongue was insistent in my mouth. He wanted all of me but could only have this. I kissed him back knowing that _I_ would never fail _him_.


	29. Chapter 29

Time to Choose

Hoshi Ayaka

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. This story however is finally complete and it is my own.

* * *

It was very early in the morning when I awoke. Gojyo was sleeping deeply beside me. I stared at him and took a moment to appreciate waking up next to him. I knew there would be many more times on our journey that would see us separated. I rubbed at my eyes before easing from the bed as smoothly as I could. I didn't want to wake him but I needed to check on Sanzo. Although it was safe to assume he was doing well as Goku had not come to wake me up, I wanted to be sure.

With my monocle in place and clothing adjusted, I left my shoes next to the bed and departed to see Sanzo. I quietly opened the door to his still darkened room. The sun would begin it's ascent soon and the day would begin. I hoped this day would be a little less chaotic with everyone awake and on their way to healing. Carefully making my way to the bed I was surprised to find Goku in a chair next to it. He was bent at the waist and draped over the side at the head. It looked as if he had given in to sleep without really wanting too. His head was cradled on an arm. The other arm was stretched out, his fingers curled around a lock of Sanzo's hair.

Even more surprising was finding Sanzo awake. That he hadn't moved away from Goku's touch spoke volumes. I found another chair and placed it at the foot of the bed. Not wanting to disturb Goku, I spoke softly.

"How are you feeling Sanzo?"

"Like hell."

"That's to be expected. Frankly I'm glad that you even woke up at all."

"How did you find me Hakkai?"

"You have Goku to thank for that. He saw you leave and when you hadn't returned we decided to search for you."

"Ch. Goku. Annoying ape. Get me my cigarettes."

I clucked at him but took his pack from the table anyway. It was better to give in if I wanted to continue a conversation with him. He lit one quickly and blew a thin stream of smoke into the air.

"He told me he loves me Hakkai."

"Yes. He told us when we were searching for you. He's been exceedingly worried about it."

"He's just confused."

"No Sanzo, I don't think he is. He gave Gojyo quite a speech."

"About?"

"Treating you right."

"Ch. Idiot."

"You know Sanzo, I don't think you give him enough credit. We all see him as a kid but that's really not the case."

"It's easier that way."

"Yes, sometimes it is. It's easy to believe when he's arguing with Gojyo and chasing after meatbuns. His innocence can be astounding."

I remained quiet for a few moments giving Sanzo time to put his thoughts in order. He smoked his cigarette with his eyes closed. I noticed he was careful to keep his head still. I looked at Goku to make sure he was still sleeping heavily. Sanzo had opened his eyes again and was staring at the ceiling, his cigarette between his lips. It hardly moved when he finally broke the silence.

"I woke up for a moment when you were fighting that bastard in the cave. I couldn't move but all I could see was Goku. I could see him through the blood running down my eyes and hear him..."

He closed his eyes as if unable to continue.

"You trust him to save your life and to save the lives of others. We expect him to fight, to kill, and to watch as innocent people sometimes die. The weight of the world is on his shoulders. That's not something a child could handle."

"Fuck Hakkai, I don't know what to do with this."

"Why do anything? Just accept his love."

"You know that won't be enough for the dumb chimp. He'll look at me with those big golden eyes and I..._fuck!"_

The bed shook under Sanzo's angry outburst. Goku's grip on the strands of blonde hair came loose as he readjusted himself on the bed. He whispered a soft "Sanzo" but continued to sleep.

"Goddammit Hakkai. I don't need this."

"So the real problem is that you may feel the same."

I had obviously spoken the truth. Sanzo's silence said everything he didn't want to say. Not wanting to push him any further I arose from the chair.

"Shall I bring you some breakfast Sanzo?"

He grunted around his cigarette and continued to stare at the ceiling. Sighing, I left the brightened room and continued downstairs to prepare breakfast trays for our little group.

* * *

I poked my head around the door of Sanzo's room. "Hakkai in here?"

Sanzo was sitting on his bed reading a newspaper sorta propped up by pillows and...Goku. I wasn't sure I was seeing things straight so I stepped into the room.

"Does it look like he's in here idiot?"

"Good morning to you too dickhead."

"Go away."

Goku looked up from the orange he was peeling. "He went to buy more supplies. We're almost out of bandages."

"This early in the morning?"

"It's not that early you brainless kappa."

"Wow, you two are surprisingly pleasant this morning."

I crossed the room and took a seat at the table. I had eaten breakfast earlier. I figured Hakkai had left the tray and come straight to Sanzo's room. I hadn't expected him to be gone.

"He say when he'll be back?"

Sanzo flipped the corner of his paper down and glared at me over the top. "Can't live without him for an hour?"

"You two are lookin' awfully cozy over there."

Goku blushed and Sanzo hid behind the paper again. "Ch."

Things were definitely interesting. I really wanted to prod the two of them a little further but I also didn't want to miss my chance to watch the two of them.

Both Sanzo and Goku had their backs against the wall. On Sanzo's right a pile of pillows helped to hold his arm up enough so he could read his paper. On his left, Goku leaned against him. He was slightly behind Sanzo's arm that was raised to hold the other side of the paper. Their sides and legs were touching and hanging over the edge of the bed were four bare feet. Definitely quite cozy.

I chuckled a little and lit a cigarette. My body was still aching but I felt pretty good. In a couple days I'd be ready to repay Hakkai for his _assistance_ the night before. I smiled at the thought of Hakkai on his knees.

"What are you grinning about you pervy cockroach?"

"Nothing you would understand monkey."

"I'm not going to listen to you two argue. Shut the hell up or I'll kill you both."

Hakkai came in at that moment. He carried several bags in his arms and his smile was pretty close to genuine.

"Well now, it appears things are back to normal."

"Hakkai!" I stood to help him with the bags.

"Thank you Gojyo, but I have them. You sit. I don't want you injuring yourself any further."

"They're just bags Hakkai."

He stopped me with a withering look and I slid back into my chair.

I watched Hakkai as he situated the bags to his liking. He pulled out a couple rolls of bandaging and took them to the bed.

"Sanzo, I need to re-bandage that wound on your stomach."

Sanzo sighed but didn't resist as Goku moved away from him and took his paper. Hakkai began removing the old bandages and doing whatever it is he does when taking care of us. Goku took the chair across the table and stared at me.

"You feelin' okay Goku?"

"Tired, but happy!"

I cut my eyes over to Sanzo and back to the monkey. He nodded almost imperceptibly and I couldn't resist laughing.

"Seriously?" I flicked the ash from my cigarette into an ashtray.

"Don't start with me asshole."

I laughed again but left him alone. I didn't want to find myself staring down the barrel of a pistol.

"I am finished Sanzo." Hakkai began cleaning up the old bandaging. "Did he eat something this morning Goku?"

"He did Hakkai! He had some rice and-"

"I'm right here. My voice works perfectly fine."

"Ha ha. I'm sorry Sanzo. Would you like to sit again? Goku? Would you help Sanzo please."

The monkey jumped from his chair and practically bounced to the bed. I was in complete shock watching him set things up on the bed again. When he wiggled next to Sanzo and the monk _let him _I felt my jaw drop. Hakkai's hand pressed gently on my shoulder. I looked up at him unable to hide my shock. He shook his head at me gently. I took a deep drag on my cigarette and tried to pretend like nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

"Well Sanzo, Goku, I'm taking Gojyo back to his room now. I'm need to take a look at his bandages too. Can I get either of you anything before we go?"

"I'm fine Hakkai!"

Goku certainly looked fine all cuddled up next to Sanzo. Droopy eyes didn't reply so he must have been fine. Hakkai helped me from my chair and although I didn't need the assistance, I took it anyway. It was a good excuse to have Hakkai's body against mine. Just another day or two...

I chuckled quietly as we left the room.

"Would you like to go to my room Gojyo? It's closer and a change of scenery would do you good."

We entered his tidy room and immediately sat on the bed. I removed my shirt and let him look at my injuries.

"These are healing quite nicely Gojyo."

His chi warmed my skin and I shivered. I loved that feeling. It was almost as good as sex. I felt myself growing hard and I groaned.

"Hakkai, when you do that..."

I inhaled sharply as the warmth increased.

"You like that Gojyo?"

I groaned again. "Yes, shit, stop teasing me."

Hakkai laughed and stepped back.

"Let's leave the bandages off for now. I'll put them on again later."

He sat in a chair and removed his shoes. I leaned my back against the wall on the bed, similar to how Sanzo had been sitting earlier. When Hakkai joined me I pulled him close and took his hand in mine, curling my fingers around his.

"So that was interesting."

"Hmm?"

"What do you mean 'hmm?' Sanzo and Goku..."

"Oh yes, that."

"That? Come on Hakkai, spill it."

"I'm not sure what happened between them. I spoke with Sanzo early this morning and he was...confused."

"Something obviously happened."

"Yes, well, it's between the two of them. It's really none of our business don't you think?"

"Damn Hakkai, you think they did it?"

"Really Gojyo, is that all you can think about?"

"I really don't see Sanzo takin' it up the ass from Goku."

"Gojyo!"

I laughed. "You know it's true. Aren't you a little bit curious?"

Hakkai looked at me slyly. "Well, maybe just a little. But it really shouldn't be of any concern to us."

"Damn. I wanna know."

There was a sudden muffled sound from the other side of the wall. I looked at Hakkai confused.

"What the hell was that?"

Hakkai looked away and I thought for a moment. So that was how he knew about Sanzo and me. Damn. I couldn't believe he'd been right on the other side of the wall the night I was...

"Fuck, Hakkai. I...I am so sorry."

"Please Gojyo, let's not drag all of this up now."

There was another sudden sound and I couldn't resist turning to put my ear against the wall.

"How old are you Gojyo?"

"I wanna know what they're doing in there."

"Really, it-"

"Shhhhhhhh!"

Hakkai shut his mouth quickly and stared at me with laughter in his eyes. I closed my eyes to keep from laughing back at him and focused on what was being said in the opposite room.

"Please?"

"Shut up."

"Sanzo...one...on."

"I said..."

"...kiss...plea-"

There was a long pause before I heard a sigh and I realized what was going on. I threw myself away from the wall, a look of horror on my face. Hakkai's laughter was real.

"That's what you get Gojyo."

"Shut up."

"What were they doing?"

"Ha! I knew you were curious 'Kai!"

"Of course I am."

"I think they were kissing." I made a face as if to throw up.

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's gross. Goku? and Sanzo? Yuck!"

"It's not that gross."

"I didn't need to hear it."

"Come on Gojyo."

Hakkai settled back on the bed and pulled me with him. I reclined to lay my head in his lap. I wanted to look at his face. One of his hands went to my chest, the other worked gently at the small tangles in my hair. I sighed in absolute contentment.

"This is good Hakkai."

"It is good."

"Better than good, damn near perfect."

When Hakkai smoothed the hair back from my forehead I gazed into his deep green eyes.

"Yeah, it's perfect."

"I would have to agree Gojyo. We're all right where we should be."

* * *

A/N: This story is complete. I want to give a great big, huge, enormous _thank you_ to everyone who read through to the end. I am so incredibly sorry that this story took so long to write. When I first started, it was meant to be a quick test to see if I could write fanfiction at all and it turned into this. I know it's not perfect, but I am happy with the way it is. Thank you for all the encouragement through reviews and messages. I hope it ends decently enough for you and that you had at least a little bit of fun while reading! As always, reviews are welcomed as are messages. You can find my artsy stuff at hoshiayaka (dot) blogspot (dot) com where one day I hope to host some contests (with prizes!) for fanfiction and art. Please check me out there and let me know what you think! Thanks again!! ~Ayaka


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